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Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2016 8:44:48 GMT -5
What does this mean, novembercomingfire: at least until I am am willing to accept a life that is friendless and lonely as well as sexless. I have way more friends now than when I moved out of my isolating ILIASM, and I am far less lonely (now) than I have been in a long time. I have not experienced total sexlessness since leaving (though currently in a lull on that front). I chose to leave for the opportunity for change. Staying in the ILIASM shithole was a sure choice of no chance to change. I voted on my odds being better outside of that - and even though I haven't paired up with anyone yet, I have the CHANCE to. Grant, although I am better off (in some ways) being out of that toxic relationship, I am living proof of being sexless, friendless, and living a lonely life after leaving a SM. Of course this does not mean that novembercomingfire, will end up like me, but he makes a valid point. Your post SM experience is different from mine, and I'm happy for you, but not everyone will be where you are now. Some will and some won't, so we can't know how it will be for another. Maybe because we know ourselves very well that even before leaving, we pretty much know how it will be. Before I left, I couldn't see anything in my future. Nothing. It was the first time in my life that I could see nothing, no hopes, no dreams. Seventeen months out and nothing has changed in that regard. I see nothing. There is nothing there. It's gone. I am directionless. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I just get through each day the best I can. I don't have one friend in the world. If I died, I'd be lucky to have one person at my funeral. I spend Christmas, and all holidays alone. I'm forgotten on my birthday. I don't say this to garner sympathy, (I don't want sympathy) but to say how it is. I am very happy for those who escape and forge a new life for themselves, but some (like me) are the other side of the coin. I feel the same as you,..I have no friends and lack direction..it's a scary proposition...I may be still married... but am very much alone. And I do agree, while some people may find a great life on the other side....many of us may find nothing better...it's just reality for some of us.. |
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Post by Caris on Oct 10, 2016 13:44:56 GMT -5
@roch649,
Exactly. Reality is different for each individual. There are no guarantees in life that we will find what we have been denied for so long. So many variables to consider.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2016 9:58:40 GMT -5
@roch649, Exactly. Reality is different for each individual. There are no guarantees in life that we will find what we have been denied for so long. So many variables to consider. As I have written about in length here...I had terrible luck with women all my life... very late losing my virginity...very few dates....I don't do well with the dating world and have failed miserably....others ..many others have done better and have better lives....when have any dated 4 women in your life... and had very little sex...what do I have to look forward too?...loneliness, no sex, and half my stuff gone? |
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Post by Caris on Oct 11, 2016 11:18:10 GMT -5
@roch649, Exactly. Reality is different for each individual. There are no guarantees in life that we will find what we have been denied for so long. So many variables to consider. As I have written about in length here...I had terrible luck with women all my life... very late losing my virginity...very few dates....I don't do well with the dating world and have failed miserably....others ..many others have done better and have better lives....when have any dated 4 women in your life... and had very little sex...what do I have to look forward too?...loneliness, no sex, and half my stuff gone? Choosing to stay in the marriage (even in misery) is a valid option for some. Sometimes it comes down to the misery you know vs. the misery you don't know. It's not cut and dry, like "stay in my marriage and suffer or leave my marriage and find my needs met and be happy (or happier)." For some (maybe the majority, I don't know) that's how it works, for others it does not work that way. Only an individual can make that assessment and that choice. Just because one (or many) have left and found happiness, a new love, etc, does not guarantee it for anyone else. There is risk involved, and some will take that chance, and it is a chance. However, staying pretty much keeps one in the same old misery (some are not in misery, but mine was), and leaving may or may not relieve that misery. I think the younger you are, having a good job or prospects for a good job, a network of friends and acquaintances, and a family who cares about you, and at least some sort of social life will stand a person in good stead much better than one who has none of these supports (or very little). |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 12, 2016 17:48:59 GMT -5
I know that the issue is fear for me. I can only base my future experiences on what I know from my past. Realistically, I know that I don't know what my possibilities are. But I think that I am too tired to take a chance right now. I have a friend. I can walk away from my "marriage" in hopes of having a physical relationship in the future. If I do, I lose my friend. I deeply mourn the loss of my sexuality every moment. But I am not ready to surrender to the possibility of being lonely. If I could deal with the uncertainty, I might take the chance. But I am not willing to do so now. I understand that it is my choice, and that I have no right to complain. I am never a victim with this.
But it is really hard to live with the idea that I may never have a sexual relationship with another human being again in my life. I continually ask myself how I can live with that.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 12, 2016 17:49:45 GMT -5
@roch649 , Exactly. Reality is different for each individual. There are no guarantees in life that we will find what we have been denied for so long. So many variables to consider. As I have written about in length here...I had terrible luck with women all my life... very late losing my virginity...very few dates....I don't do well with the dating world and have failed miserably....others ..many others have done better and have better lives....when have any dated 4 women in your life... and had very little sex...what do I have to look forward too?...loneliness, no sex, and half my stuff gone? I know exactly how you feel. Hence, here I am as well. SaveSave |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 12, 2016 21:15:37 GMT -5
I know that the issue is fear for me. I can only base my future experiences on what I know from my past. Realistically, I know that I don't know what my possibilities are. But I think that I am too tired to take a chance right now. I have a friend. I can walk away from my "marriage" in hopes of having a physical relationship in the future. If I do, I lose my friend. I deeply mourn the loss of my sexuality every moment. But I am not ready to surrender to the possibility of being lonely. If I could deal with the uncertainty, I might take the chance. But I am not willing to do so now. I understand that it is my choice, and that I have no right to complain. I am never a victim with this. But it is really hard to live with the idea that I may never have a sexual relationship with another human being again in my life. I continually ask myself how I can live with that. What motivated me to leave: hadn't had sex in 10 years or so. Turned 57... That moment when I realized I was never going to have sex again. Ever. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2016 21:40:19 GMT -5
I know that the issue is fear for me. I can only base my future experiences on what I know from my past. Realistically, I know that I don't know what my possibilities are. But I think that I am too tired to take a chance right now. I have a friend. I can walk away from my "marriage" in hopes of having a physical relationship in the future. If I do, I lose my friend. I deeply mourn the loss of my sexuality every moment. But I am not ready to surrender to the possibility of being lonely. If I could deal with the uncertainty, I might take the chance. But I am not willing to do so now. I understand that it is my choice, and that I have no right to complain. I am never a victim with this. But it is really hard to live with the idea that I may never have a sexual relationship with another human being again in my life. I continually ask myself how I can live with that. What motivated me to leave: hadn't had sex in 10 years or so. Turned 57... That moment when I realized I was never going to have sex again. Ever. Yes me too, although almost exactly 10 years younger. I realized that if I stayed married I would never have sex again in my life. |
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