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Post by Dan on Oct 3, 2016 16:48:28 GMT -5
My parents raised me to have generally good manners, but I can't say either specifically taught me the "old timey" things that "gentlemen should do". So I'm not sure how I picked them up... but I did, and I still find myself doing them. I list them here for posterity; invite you to add others you recall learning of. - A gentleman should pull out the chair a the dinner table for the lady to sit.
- A gentleman should hold the door for a lady. (Advanced technique: when navigating the double doors of a modern office building, the a gentleman often has to pass through the first door first -- while holding that door -- so he can then reach the second door before she does. Then hold that door, and allow her to pass in front of you.)
- A gentleman should pass in front of a woman when walking down the stairs, and behind her when walking up the stairs.
- When walking on a city sidewalk, a gentleman should walk close to the curb/street; he should position the lady closer to the buildings.
- When new guests arrive to the gathering, the men should stand up as new folks enter the room. Likewise when guests depart.
What others do you recall? While some of these originated with overtones that are slightly pejorative to women (usually assuming they are a bit more frail or some such), I don't find these specific actions as condescending in any way. But if anyone begs to differ, I'm interested to hear that, too. |
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Post by jim44444 on Oct 3, 2016 17:26:29 GMT -5
I agree with your list but the last one is subjective to the size and formality of the gathering.
I would add a gentleman removes his hat indoors and always at dining table, even a picnic table.
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Post by baza on Oct 3, 2016 17:46:50 GMT -5
A gentleman takes the dishes out of the sink before pissing in it.
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Post by beachguy on Oct 3, 2016 17:54:36 GMT -5
And please remember that while baza 's advice is not always intuitively obvious at first glance, it has always stood the test of time here ... |
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Post by becca on Oct 3, 2016 18:45:19 GMT -5
I like when a man opens my car door before going around to the other side. I am not patient enough to wait for him to get out and come around on the other end of the journey but the thought is still appreciated. I also like seeing men stand when a woman returns to the table, however, you will only see this in the older set. If a man genuinely listens, is respectful and considerate and puts the woman first...he is a gentleman in my eyes. The other stuff is just dressing. Oh baza... |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 3, 2016 19:45:25 GMT -5
Don't know if this is gentlemanly or pure politeness. Putting your grocery cart away, back in the rack, not in the parking space. Taking in someone else's cart. Letting others go ahead of you in line when you have a cart full and there standing there holding a cold wet gallon of milk, or a 40 lb bag of dog food! Holding umbrellas for people in the rain. Giving someone an umbrella who is stuck in the rain, or giving them a ride. Changing flat tires for women, and the elderly.Mowing lawns for widows.bringing in your neighbors newspapers and trash cans before it rains. Offering a stranger a jump start. One of my favorites, finding a trucker in town, who is sitting for hours getting unloaded and taking them out to eat! And teaching tourists, young people, how to surf on your long board, or use your Wave Skater!
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 4, 2016 7:18:41 GMT -5
I do this, but I'm "riding it"because I'm twelve. I do this because it keeps me out of the house longer. I don't have an umbrella. I have a hood. I do this for anyone and everyone. Um. No. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2016 15:07:49 GMT -5
Don't know if this is gentlemanly or pure politeness. Putting your grocery cart away, back in the rack, not in the parking space. Taking in someone else's cart. Letting others go ahead of you in line when you have a cart full and there standing there holding a cold wet gallon of milk, or a 40 lb bag of dog food! Holding umbrellas for people in the rain. Giving someone an umbrella who is stuck in the rain, or giving them a ride. Changing flat tires for women, and the elderly.Mowing lawns for widows.bringing in your neighbors newspapers and trash cans before it rains. Offering a stranger a jump start. One of my favorites, finding a trucker in town, who is sitting for hours getting unloaded and taking them out to eat! And teaching tourists, young people, how to surf on your long board, or use your Wave Skater! Maybe my tastes in entertainment have made me paranoid, but I would be cautious of a man whom I didn't know offering to change a tire for me, or carry bags to my car, that kind of thing. Sometimes that doesn't end well for the women on "Criminal Minds." OTOH, I have *never* objected when a man holds a door open for me. The proper response is "thank you." Holding doors open seems to be a polite thing that everybody does, if they are the first one to reach the door. The guy I briefly dated from OKC would open the car door for me, and pull out my chair at a restaurant table. The first time he did those things, I wasn't expecting it, so I had started to do it myself. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 4, 2016 15:21:07 GMT -5
Don't know if this is gentlemanly or pure politeness. Putting your grocery cart away, back in the rack, not in the parking space. Taking in someone else's cart. Letting others go ahead of you in line when you have a cart full and there standing there holding a cold wet gallon of milk, or a 40 lb bag of dog food! Holding umbrellas for people in the rain. Giving someone an umbrella who is stuck in the rain, or giving them a ride. Changing flat tires for women, and the elderly.Mowing lawns for widows.bringing in your neighbors newspapers and trash cans before it rains. Offering a stranger a jump start. One of my favorites, finding a trucker in town, who is sitting for hours getting unloaded and taking them out to eat! And teaching tourists, young people, how to surf on your long board, or use your Wave Skater! Maybe my tests in entertainment have made me paranoid, but I would be cautious of a man whom I didn't know offering to change a tire for me, or carry bags to my car, that kind of thing. Sometimes that doesn't end well for the women on "Criminal Minds." OTOH, I have *never* objected when a man holds a door open for me. The proper response is "thank you." Holding doors open seems to be a polite thing that everybody does, if they are the first one to reach the door. The guy I briefly dated from OKC would open the car door for me, and pull out my chair at a restaurant table. The first time he did those things, I wasn't expecting it, so I had started to do it myself. You are right about who you can trust. Fortunately for me, I usually have my kids with me. That way It's a win win, I am setting a good example, and giving them a learning experience. The same goes for talking to a trucker. or loaning our boards out at the ocean. The lifeguards know us on a first name basis. Christmas time is another good example. I will see people loading big boxes in their trunk. I tell them " you are never going to get that in there. I live a mile from here, let me get my trailer. Or, you can put that in our truck." This works well when my teens are with me and I am talking with more than one person. I did help an elderly man once, just me and him. We live in the same town. It worked out! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 4, 2016 15:34:15 GMT -5
Just to tie this into being married to a controller, my STBX does not do such things. Thoughts like this don't enter her mind. When the kids come home raving about the good deed that they did with dad, we all get a "okay", or "ugh-huh"!
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 4, 2016 15:51:34 GMT -5
Two things I noticed that has gone out of style, and I plan to do one today, is letters.
Real mail.
I had an young lady in a store go above and beyond to help me.
I plan to write a letter of thank you to her manager.
She was exceptional in her service.
Also love letters.
Not explicit letters, but letters of heart felt emotion.
Oh wait.
I have no one to send them to.
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 4, 2016 22:46:37 GMT -5
Maybe my tests in entertainment have made me paranoid, but I would be cautious of a man whom I didn't know offering to change a tire for me, or carry bags to my car, that kind of thing. Sometimes that doesn't end well for the women on "Criminal Minds." I think it's a sad reflection on the fact that such kind acts are so uncommon as to be suspicious. I run into this a fair bit offering roadside help. |
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Post by Caris on Oct 8, 2016 17:14:28 GMT -5
Don't know if this is gentlemanly or pure politeness. Putting your grocery cart away, back in the rack, not in the parking space. Taking in someone else's cart. Letting others go ahead of you in line when you have a cart full and there standing there holding a cold wet gallon of milk, or a 40 lb bag of dog food! Holding umbrellas for people in the rain. Giving someone an umbrella who is stuck in the rain, or giving them a ride. Changing flat tires for women, and the elderly.Mowing lawns for widows.bringing in your neighbors newspapers and trash cans before it rains. Offering a stranger a jump start. One of my favorites, finding a trucker in town, who is sitting for hours getting unloaded and taking them out to eat! And teaching tourists, young people, how to surf on your long board, or use your Wave Skater! I think some of those things are going above and beyond pure politeness. Finding a trucker to take out for dinner, and teaching tourists how to surf is more doing good deeds than regular, everyday politeness. Good for you, though. |
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Post by Dan on Oct 10, 2016 16:00:12 GMT -5
Maybe my tastes in entertainment have made me paranoid, but I would be cautious of a man whom I didn't know offering to change a tire for me, or carry bags to my car, that kind of thing. I have become very aware/cautious of appearing "too over exuberant" to help a woman out for this very reason. As a dad and a "good guy", I'm even more empathetic if a woman has small children with her when in need.... and that much more aware that she may or may not be comfortable accepting help from a "strange man". I am VERY conscious of my posture, how I approach, how far I'm standing away when I start to speak, my tone. I offer to help by asking questions with multiple choices: "do you need some help? I could help you with the tire... or I could call for a tow truck... or you could use my phone..." The fact that I'm a somewhat frumpy "soccer dad" with a genuinely kind nature is usually disarming enough. But if they are hesitant, I give them a bit of time to consider. And if they decline, so be it. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Oct 17, 2016 16:42:42 GMT -5
Offering to get the lady a drink is one.
Ladies are also taught manners:
Always thank a gentleman who is being a gentleman.
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