Marriage without benefits

"Can a marriage continue on this path?" - you ask.
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The answer to that is an unequivocal "yes".
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Indeed, if he keeps doing what he has previously done, and you keep doing what you have previously done, you are all but guaranteed that the marriage will continue on, just as it has previously done.
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The only way your deal is going to alter its' trajectory is if one of you has a radical change of approach.
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Your story reads like he is perfectly ok with how things are, so any change is highly unlikely to come from him.
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That leaves YOU as the only probable agent of change.
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What are you prepared to do ?
Are you open to the concept of putting the marriage squarely on the line, up to and including being ready to end it, if you cannot negotiate an acceptable compromise ?
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That's how serious you have to be if you are going to resolve this, one way or another.

Welcome, Mia! I was you 3 weeks ago. Actually our stories are close to identical including the 2 grown children, the amazing salesman, living as roommates and losing your intimate self.  That last part I didn't even fully realize until I was on here a few days. I was that numb. I won't proclaim to know all the answers but this is a place filled with information and people who understand where you are so please know you are not alone. You are absolutely not alone. I will try to save you a little time and let you know there is no cure. There is no 5 step program to fulfilling sex in your marriage. Yep, I was looking for that when I first arrived here.  It isn't a club you want to be a part of but just know you have peeps here.  Rediscover yourself and it is only ok to live a sexless life if that is something you want to do.

Hi Mia and welcome. It seems that your post is asking two things. Can a marriage survive without sex? Yes, of course it can. You just need to decide whether it will be the life you want or not. But it also sounds suspiciously like your husband has a strong leaning towards being passive aggressive and intimacy-phobic. So the bigger question is are you willing to live without gentleness, kissing, listening, communication, intimacy and sex? Lots of people do. But the fact that you are here says that those things are important to you.

Welcome Mia, ..Others have answered the 'can a marriage w/o sex survive' so I will comment and question other aspects I took from your post.
Do you get any other forms of intimacy? Your H is plenty affectionate with your pet and that is a common thread with spouses who are intimacy averse with their human partners. The same was true for my X. The dog gets all the attention any animal could ask for and afterwards we settled for anything left over.
What you describe is more of a conjoining of life paths than a marriage. You probably have many philosophical, perhaps religious or spiritual beliefs and other things that have made for a long term basically satisfactory relationship. And this has been enough while you reared your children and pursued career paths. But now you seem to be looking for more. How much more could determine if the marriage is sustainable. If you are hoping for a sustained and significant increase in the amount of sex or real intimacy you are probably in for a disappointment. But a small increase like more PDA's or "I love you" here and there might be doable for him and you. You would initiate these and hope he picks up on the hints. And who knows once these small efforts are common place in the relationship perhaps more might be in the offing. Good luck...

When I explained this to my wife years ago, it went over like a lead ballon. While she refused to hear anything I had to say or read anything I provided, she came back a few days later and told me that her girlfriends thought I was crazy too. Naturally, they only heard her warped side of the story. I can only imagine that her brief conversation with her girlfriends went something like this "Can you believe that [Jon] accused me of emotional abuse when I said 'Not tonight honey, I'm too tired'", and then her sympathizers said "What? That man is crazy! Typical guy, all they are interested in is your pussy. Make him wish he never said that!", then they went back to talking about import issues like 'Grey's Anatomy', 'The Bachlorette' and local gossip.


I disagree. Anyone that would emotionally abuse their spouse and then try to discredit their spouse's emotions is a bad person, especially when it spans several year or decades. Does that make them evil? No, even though it might seem that way sometimes. Does it mean they aren't good in other ways? No, even though after years of emotional abuse it might become difficult to see the good with the bad.

If a spouse refused to let the other partner eat 3 meals a day most people would not only consider that abuse, but would also think the refusing spouse was a bad person. The refusing spouse would be arrested, and it would be covered by CNN and other major news outlets. Which gives me an idea. If enough of us wrote to Dr. Gupta on CNN, maybe he would do a story on it! 

She is going to get ZERO advanced notice, unless you count 25 years are me telling her I miss being intimate with my sexy wife. When my plan is ready to execute, she will be served papers at work.

I actually find your introduction very positive. You have insight and realistic expectations. Sadly a lot of people come here looking for a magic solution to make their partners suddenly sexual again and for most it's pointless. So you realize you have two options, stay and be sexless or leave. Which are both horrible choices. By the mere fact you are here you are struggling with the prospect of staying in the situation. You can accept staying but you would have to loose any resentment and spend you time finding alternatives, your pets, work, friends, activities, affairs whatever makes you happy. Or leave which is also a hard road that doesn't guarantee a better life. So good luck and I hope you find some answers here that help you find a path.