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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 26, 2016 12:05:17 GMT -5
I wonder about my wife as well. Why would she want to stay married? I think there's a sense of responsibility for the kids. (That's my big one) There's the fear of the unknown. Social and family stigma in her mind. But I have to believe deep down she would like to divorce. Honestly we have no idea what is going on inside their heads. I thought there is no way my H could be happy with the way our marriage was. He very well could want a divorce because it got to the point I was so detached it was getting to him however he wasn't willing to make any changes. On the other hand sometimes I thought there is no way he wants a divorce with all the things I take care of for him he's got the upper hand, a comfortable life (I did everything) where he doesn't have to have sex. So I was 50/50 on whether he wanted a divorce. Turns out he absolutely did not want a divorce. Why would he? He had the marriage he wanted. What I wanted didn't matter to him until it was going to be an inconvenience for him to have to shop, cook, pay bills, manage the household, homework with kids on his nights, clean, etc. Ditto! Xxx |
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Post by iceman on Sept 26, 2016 14:09:48 GMT -5
I wonder about my wife as well. Why would she want to stay married? I think there's a sense of responsibility for the kids. (That's my big one) There's the fear of the unknown. Social and family stigma in her mind. But I have to believe deep down she would like to divorce. Honestly we have no idea what is going on inside their heads. I thought there is no way my H could be happy with the way our marriage was. He very well could want a divorce because it got to the point I was so detached it was getting to him however he wasn't willing to make any changes. On the other hand sometimes I thought there is no way he wants a divorce with all the things I take care of for him he's got the upper hand, a comfortable life (I did everything) where he doesn't have to have sex. So I was 50/50 on whether he wanted a divorce. Turns out he absolutely did not want a divorce. Why would he? He had the marriage he wanted. What I wanted didn't matter to him until it was going to be an inconvenience for him to have to shop, cook, pay bills, manage the household, homework with kids on his nights, clean, etc. That's the other part of things with my wife. I'm the sole source of income. I take a lot of the load off of her when it comes to the kids. I cook. I clean. Yard work. I feel like she absolutely depends on me for everything. Financial support, emotional support, though I admittedly have been lacking in that for awhile now but she still is looking for it. I'd love to give her sexual support but that's apparently what she doesn't need. It's really exhausting. I would like to have a wife and partner that gives me support as well. Instead I have someone who is very needy and returns very, very little. |
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 26, 2016 14:29:13 GMT -5
Honestly we have no idea what is going on inside their heads. I thought there is no way my H could be happy with the way our marriage was. He very well could want a divorce because it got to the point I was so detached it was getting to him however he wasn't willing to make any changes. On the other hand sometimes I thought there is no way he wants a divorce with all the things I take care of for him he's got the upper hand, a comfortable life (I did everything) where he doesn't have to have sex. So I was 50/50 on whether he wanted a divorce. Turns out he absolutely did not want a divorce. Why would he? He had the marriage he wanted. What I wanted didn't matter to him until it was going to be an inconvenience for him to have to shop, cook, pay bills, manage the household, homework with kids on his nights, clean, etc. That's the other part of things with my wife. I'm the sole source of income. I take a lot of the load off of her when it comes to the kids. I cook. I clean. Yard work. I feel like she absolutely depends on me for everything. Financial support, emotional support, though I admittedly have been lacking in that for awhile now but she still is looking for it. I'd love to give her sexual support but that's apparently what she doesn't need. It's really exhausting. I would like to have a wife and partner that gives me support as well. Instead I have someone who is very needy and returns very, very little. I can relate to your words about your wife it seems similar to how I felt about my ex however he did work full time and has a nice income. All the man did though was go to work, coach baseball, watch tv and eat. I never expected that it should be 50/50 and I didn't mind doing everything but year after year with the lack of affection and intimacy it took its toll. I came to realize in life there are two types of people givers and takers. My ex was a taker, I'm a giver. He took me for granted. A lot of years I enabled this behavior but at the same times it's who he is. I eventually got to a point that it was emotionally and mentally effecting me because it was abuse. I needed to advocate for myself. Unfortunately the relationship had reached a tipping point and there was no way I could stay but if you still have feelings for your wife, if you are still attracted to her then 1) see an attorney to find out how a divorce would look for you just to get educated 2) lay your cards on the table and tell your wife how all this makes you feel and if she cares about you then she should want to change and help relieve some of your burden If she doesn't care about you then you have choices to make for yourself. |
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