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Post by darktippedrose on Sept 19, 2016 15:04:40 GMT -5
I was wondering if anyone's refuser gets more controlling and manipulating when you're not as easy to control?
does anyone else have this issue?
it seems to be increasing.
He now is blaiming for everything the kidz do. Even things they can't control because they lack impulse control.
oh boy.
the constant look of disgust he has and the way he constantly act better and smarter than me.
I try to ignore it but it can be hard.
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Post by Dan on Sept 19, 2016 15:09:18 GMT -5
Can you turn this back on him: "If you are so smart and I'm so wrong, please tell me: what steps do you propose to take to get the children to act the way you'd like? OK, give it a try. Let me know how it goes!"
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Post by darktippedrose on Sept 19, 2016 15:22:39 GMT -5
lol. he would just tell me to figure it out.
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Post by csl on Sept 19, 2016 17:16:10 GMT -5
lol. he would just tell me to figure it out. Correct answer - "Then leave us alone, as it doesn't bother me. If it bothers you, then do something about it. Otherwise, just hush." |
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 19, 2016 20:02:32 GMT -5
darktippedrose, has it occurred to you that your husband is just an angry man? It sounds like he's determined to find things to be angry about. Politics, race, religion, child-rearing, etc. For people like this, it wouldn't matter if life were perfect - he'd find something wrong to rant about. And with that attitude he's like a magnet for shit, which just fuels his fire. It's toxic to you, and *especially* to your children. This is a really unhealthy environment, and based on your prior posts, downright dangerous.
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Post by darktippedrose on Sept 19, 2016 23:37:08 GMT -5
that would make sense. even in the beginning when things seemed good, he'd get angry over small things. he'd tell me my progress as a wife and mother wasn't that great. how great his mom was at it even though she had much more help than me, etc.
the only time he's happy is when hes with his friends or when he's in Morocco.
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Post by baza on Sept 20, 2016 0:48:34 GMT -5
And, it seems, the only times you are not miserable is likewise, when he is with his friends or in Morocco.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2016 0:50:38 GMT -5
I concur with DryCreek, darktippedrose. H sounds like he's got at least one, if not a multitude of anger disorders. You mentioned Morocco. What are the possibilities that he would go there alone, sometime soon? I'm just concerned about your safety and that of your children. (Forgive me if you have already discussed seeking shelter elsewhere.) |
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Post by darktippedrose on Sept 20, 2016 1:24:17 GMT -5
hes gone to Morocco plenty of times before. even when we couldn've used the money!!!!
but anyways. shelter is not an option right now.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2016 12:17:54 GMT -5
I was wondering if anyone's refuser gets more controlling and manipulating when you're not as easy to control? does anyone else have this issue? it seems to be increasing. He now is blaiming for everything the kidz do. Even things they can't control because they lack impulse control. oh boy. the constant look of disgust he has and the way he constantly act better and smarter than me. I try to ignore it but it can be hard. This concerns me a lot. Increasing control, blaming you for things the kids do....this sounds like an abuser to me. Every time you talk about your husband, he sounds scary and dangerous. Do you have anyplace you could go - and take your kids - if he really got out of hand? |
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Post by darktippedrose on Sept 20, 2016 13:15:58 GMT -5
not particularly. my relatives have their own issues going on right now.
its not a really good environment for me or the kidz. trust me its worse over there
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Post by itsjustus on Sept 20, 2016 16:33:05 GMT -5
I was wondering if anyone's refuser gets more controlling and manipulating when you're not as easy to control? does anyone else have this issue? it seems to be increasing. He now is blaiming for everything the kidz do. Even things they can't control because they lack impulse control. oh boy. the constant look of disgust he has and the way he constantly act better and smarter than me. I try to ignore it but it can be hard. My Ex went into a massive control/manipulating spree when I announced that our marriage was over and we needed to get a divorce. And that continues today, three years later.
We have 4 daughters, all grown, but each with issues and just daily life stuff that unfortunately keep me in contact with my ex every once in awhile. And during each one of those contacts, and thru her actions with my daughters, she is still trying to control my thoughts, emotions and actions and theirs as well. And they are in their 30's and 40's, with kids of their own!!!
It seems pathological with her. I don't really expect it to ever stop.
I hope it's not the same with your H. I wish you luck, and peace.
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Post by petrushka on Sept 21, 2016 2:46:45 GMT -5
Look, apart from 4-5 other spouses (like Tamara's) Mr. Darktipp is one of the worst abusers I've run across in 7 years on EP and here.
Controlling. Constantly putting her down. Gaslighting. Criticizing and rubbishing Every.Single.Thing.She.Does.
Not to mention he's an adherent of what I take to be the most misogynist religion currently on the planet, and has as I recall
expressed sympathy for the lunatic fringe of said religion, i.e. IS (a.k.a.ISIL, a.k.a. ISIS). Which, quite frankly, removes him
from the group membership of sane or ethical humanity as far as I am concerned.
He's an angry man, nutty as a fruitcake, beyond reasoning with. There is NOTHING, in my not so humble opinion, that will resolve
this other than zip code therapy or a 2x4 to the back of the head, applied with sufficient momentum. Rose, so long as that creep
has access to you, nothing will improve. He will not change. You will not get love, affection, or validation from that sad sack.
There is no point in trying to change yourself to placate him - because he will immediately find something else to bitch about:
that is simply his M.O. All you can really do is ignore the pratt and try to live your life as you see fit. And get the hell
out as soon as you can .....
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Post by tamara68 on Sept 21, 2016 8:45:26 GMT -5
He is a nutcase, the only thing you can expect is it will get worse.
Are you still seeing your therapist? Do you get any help or useful advice?
Do the therapist or a support group give you ideas on how you could get out of here?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2016 14:07:15 GMT -5
When you try to break free from an abusive person they get even more controlling. They have to. They are nothing without someone to control.
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