|
|
Post by nyartgal on Sept 17, 2016 9:59:46 GMT -5
Four years ago I had just escaped a SM. For years while my career took off my ex's faltered. He had been the main breadwinner at first, from a rich family---i.e. The stable one. Then he became an entrepreneur and it all went south. Eventually I started to do well with a huge project (I'm an artist) and when we broke up I had money in the bank for the first time, no debt whatsoever, not even student loans or a car lease or anything. But I also had no investments and didn't own anything with him, which made it very easy to divorce but didn't leave me with any long term stability at then age 38. I didn't ask him for a penny in the split, but even if I had I don't think there would have been anything to get legally.
Anyway, soon after entering Opposite Land I met my amazing husband, who like me is an artist with a very rollercoaster income and not much overall earning power. At the time it didn't seem to matter because I was doing well and could float us.
Since then I have been extremely close to more big projects---millions of dollars worth in terms of overall budget---but nothing has come through. We had two children 2.5 years apart (one is a month old now) which in part made it hard to go out and get a regular job, in addition to nonstop family strife and various other problems and fires I had to put out that were not of our making.
Now I find myself at almost 42 with a huge gap on my resume during which I was only making art and living from it. We are super deep in debt and are struggling every month to pay our basic expenses. Living in one of the most expensive cities in the world is unfortunately crucial to our careers and to leave would essentially gut them.
So basically, I find my problems have flip flopped totally from when I ended my sexless marriage. Then I finally for the first time had money but a shit relationship that made me miserable. Now I have an amazing marriage and wonderful kids and I worry nonstop that we will wind up living in a cardboard box!
I'm not sure what my point is except to say that life is really fucking complicated!!! I don't know how to get out of this financial mess but we need to figure it out pronto because the stress is crippling.
Thanks for letting me vent!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2016 14:57:02 GMT -5
I feel for you.
Earlier this year - maybe 2 months after ending things with my refuser - I was laid off from my job.
I found another one within only one month - an incredible piece of luck. But this new job requires a security clearance, so it was another 2 months before I could actually start work. In the meantime, I was getting by on unemployment benefit and some savings.
Financial stuff is scary, and it does have a way of putting the grief and pain from your love life on the back burner.
|
|
|
|
Post by JMX on Sept 17, 2016 15:56:12 GMT -5
Ugh. That sucks. And, I completely understand the roller coaster with children in tow, although I am muddling through with my (former-kind-of-still?) refuser.
Decision making, from a stand-point of scarcity is really, really hard and it doesn't really matter what decisions are before you.
I hope you all both get a clear path to work through it!
|
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Sept 17, 2016 20:34:20 GMT -5
Almost completely off-topic, nyartgal, but at some point when the mood strikes you, I'd be very interested to hear about your art and the kinds of projects you do. While I have a passion to be creative, I'm not blessed with artistic skills - photography is as close as I get, but only because it's a technical trade. (I'm a semi-reformed engineer-type.) Even that has given me an appreciation for the difficulty of turning an artistic passion into an income. Certainly, $MM project budgets have the potential, but only when they actually execute. I can only imagine what your sales process must be like. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2016 6:40:50 GMT -5
Hey ny, I've always admired you for supporting yourself as an artist. I know that's not an easy life. Low pay and zero job security. You do this, and you also got out of your SM. You're very courageous. And with courage comes risk. I know you'll find a way to get some financial stability back. I don't have any contacts in the art world, although musically I have jammed with blues legends Slick Ballinger, Simon Alonzo Taylor, and Bruce Clark. You've heard of them right? Right? LOL.
If you ever want to break into the exciting world of impossible expectations, psychotic workloads, unspeakable pressure, and endless sanitized corporate bullshit communications, I could put in a word for you in pharma. Ok I didn't think so LOL.
I'd commission a piece in my yard but the HOA would bitch.
Maybe in my living room but there's already a Starbucks there. (Stolen joke).
I guess all I can do is urge you not to let the financial pressures drive you apart. Financial stress is a big stress on a marriage, and you're probably already feeling it. Do whatever it takes to preserve this great deal you have.
In a hospital here they had a life size statue of Jesus in the entrance. They're very religious down here in NASCAR country. God, guns, and grits. Okay, in MY experience, MANY people in the South worship Jesus. A statue of Richard Petty might get a hefty commission. But there's probably a lot of those. No no wait... could you make a statue of Jesus exercising his Second Goddam Straight Amendment rights? Oh shit man it would be the art world firestorm of the year. I'm actually half serious.
|
|
|
|
Post by wewbwb on Sept 18, 2016 7:09:28 GMT -5
Hey ny, I've always admired you for supporting yourself as an artist. I know that's not an easy life. Low pay and zero job security. You do this, and you also got out of your SM. You're very courageous. And with courage comes risk. I know you'll find a way to get some financial stability back. I don't have any contacts in the art world, although musically I have jammed with blues legends Slick Ballinger, Simon Alonzo Taylor, and Bruce Clark. You've heard of them right? Right? LOL. If you ever want to break into the exciting world of impossible expectations, psychotic workloads, unspeakable pressure, and endless sanitized corporate bullshit communications, I could put in a word for you in pharma. Ok I didn't think so LOL. I'd commission a piece in my yard but the HOA would bitch. Maybe in my living room but there's already a Starbucks there. (Stolen joke). I guess all I can do is urge you not to let the financial pressures drive you apart. Financial stress is a big stress on a marriage, and you're probably already feeling it. Do whatever it takes to preserve this great deal you have. In a hospital here they had a life size statue of Jesus in the entrance. They're very religious down here in NASCAR country. God, guns, and grits. Okay, in MY experience, MANY people in the South worship Jesus. A statue of Richard Petty might get a hefty commission. But there's probably a lot of those. No no wait... could you make a statue of Jesus exercising his Second Goddam Straight Amendment rights? Oh shit man it would be the art world firestorm of the year. I'm actually half serious. Dale Earnhardt healing the sick children. You can retire. |
|
|
|
Post by nyartgal on Sept 19, 2016 21:19:41 GMT -5
Thanks, everyone! It is really panic-inducing not only to be so broke but to not know how we are going to get ourselves on track. I keep thinking that we will because we have to---there is no other choice.
What's funny is that I wonder if the fact that I have always prioritized my own happiness so high is part of what got me here. ive never thought, "a career in ____ sucks but it pays well so I'll do it." I've never cared about money and therefore I have none. I only ever cared about doing something with my life that had meaning (at least to me), being true to myself, making things I care about and being happy. So the same drive to be happy that got me out of my SM may be what got me into this life of extreme financial precariousness.
I don't think that the pressure is hurting my marriage so far but it is grueling to be under it. The last couple of years have been so insane with so many losses and disappointments and stupid problems, it's amazing to me we don't fight all the time and in fact still have fun...and sex! I feel like we are very strong but of course not impenetrable.
I feel pretty stupid honestly for not being more prudent but when I look back I can't see where I would have done things that differently. One thing that's obvious to me is that you can't escape who you are, and that's exponentially true as an artist. Being brutally honest with yourself about what you really care about and taking risks on behalf of your vision is what being an artist is, or at least a good one. But, not so great for having a normal bourgeois life with kids and lots of expenses!
|
|
