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Post by Rhapsodee on Sept 17, 2016 1:44:37 GMT -5
Today in yoga I tweaked my lower back (SI joint) during bridge pose. It seized up and was so painful I could barely breathe. I pulled my knees to my chest and rolled onto my side and tried to control my breathing and relax. After shavasana the instructor and one of my friends helped me to stand, rolled up my mat and helped me to my car. It was good that both of them are about my size and strong.
I was ok to drive. I had a mammogram scheduled and had to drive straight there. It was too late to cancel. It took me almost 10 minutes to get out of the car and totter the short distance to the building. The women in the breast care center were wonderful, understanding I was in extreme pain, and that they were adding more. I'm so glad they have handholds on those machines. Those, along with the clamp on my breast kept me from falling.
I made it safely back home and put some ice to my back. My husband called to ask about dinner and I told him about the incident and the extreme pain. He asked, "Why didn't you call me?" I had to stop and think. Why didn't I call him? He could have brought an ice pack, helped me to and from the building. The fact is, it didn't occur to me that I should. Until he asked that question, I didn't realize how alone I feel. I feel that I have no one that I can call for help. I accept the assistance that is at hand but if I had been alone, I don't think I would have called him for help. I would have worked through it and gotten myself home or to the hospital. I do know he would have come to me if I had thought to call and ask.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 17, 2016 11:30:29 GMT -5
Only you can answer that. However I can share my own thoughts and experiences. When I was wheeled into the hospital for having a blood clot formed on my lung, my wife showed up at the hospital. She flew home from her business trip. My response was "what are you doing here, you don't have to be here?". Sounds cold doesn't it? But when you have someone who gives us little daily respect, and attention, tells you,'I no longer love you", only says hello, and good night to you daily, you question there motives.They are concerned about there exterior self image, there family, the children, fellow employees, etc..need to make that token appearance to keep there manipulative controlling image hidden behind that mask they put out there.
She stayed with me about 15 minutes and left. The other seven days I received more and longer visits from platonic friends.
I later got an earful about how difficult it was for her with me in the hospital, and how she had to take the kids everywhere,and work too. You almost pulled his mask off and revealed his selfish controlling behavior. How dare you! It also shows how programmed we have become to receiving the least bit of every day assistance as some grand event or wonderful sacrifice.
Glad you are doing better!
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Post by Rhapsodee on Sept 17, 2016 12:06:44 GMT -5
You're right. It would have been only for show. Image is very important to him. There's only a basic connection between us. If there was an intimate connection, I would have called him so I could get the healing benefit of his love and caring.
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Post by solodriver on Sept 17, 2016 14:05:57 GMT -5
My wife can't be bothered to show any affection, or say "I love you". Why would she think that I would call her if something happened to me. I would call my daughter or son-in-law before I would call my wife anymore.
At this point I wouldn't even share with her, at least not right away, if I ever get a bad diagnosis from the doctor such as cancer. My feeling is too late, don't start acting like you care when you let all this time go by and didn't care.
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Post by baza on Sept 17, 2016 22:09:44 GMT -5
My ILIASM deal taught me - eventually - not to rely on my missus for anything.
Any requested assistance would often be punctuated by eye rolling, sighs of exasperation and suchlike, which I found quite off putting.
Eventually, I was educated not to ask.
That suited her, and it actually ended up suiting me too.
Not relying on her for anything actually made my life more predictable and manageable.
Addendum.
In my deal with Ms enna, this was one of the things I had to "unlearn", and it was (and to some degree, still is), not as easy to "unlearn" as I thought it would be.
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Post by obobfla on Sept 18, 2016 0:00:02 GMT -5
Funny this topic came up. One of the reasons I haven't been posting as much is because my wife has been in the hospital again. Once again, she had a sodium deficiency. The most telling symptom of a sodim deficiency is confusion. At 3 am in the morning, my wife was confused.
She was standing in our kitchens for four hours, looking white as a ghost and laboring in her breathing. Every time I asked her if she was ok, she insisted she felt fine. Even when she was standing in the same place for four hours, she said she was fine. I politely disagreed and insisted she go to the emergency room. She said no. I called an ambulance. Sure enough, her sodium was dangerously low. Had I not gotten her to the hospital, she would have slipped into a coma.
As I mentioned in previous posts, I was having stroke-like symptoms last year. She didn't call. I had to call 911 and say "TIA" as I was shaking and slurring words. A few months earlier, I woke up at 6 am in screaming pain as a bug crawled in my ear. She wanted me to wait until 8 am when the walk-in clinic opened.
Right now, I almost don't consider her my wife. I am her caretaker, for without me she could not survive. I'm also taking over dealing with my son, as she no longer has any idea how to deal with a teenager.
So I can't rely on her. But since she can't rely on herself either, I have to be there for her.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Sept 18, 2016 11:15:07 GMT -5
Funny this topic came up. One of the reasons I haven't been posting as much is because my wife has been in the hospital again. Once again, she had a sodium deficiency. The most telling symptom of a sodim deficiency is confusion. At 3 am in the morning, my wife was confused. She was standing in our kitchens for four hours, looking white as a ghost and laboring in her breathing. Every time I asked her if she was ok, she insisted she felt fine. Even when she was standing in the same place for four hours, she said she was fine. I politely disagreed and insisted she go to the emergency room. She said no. I called an ambulance. Sure enough, her sodium was dangerously low. Had I not gotten her to the hospital, she would have slipped into a coma. As I mentioned in previous posts, I was having stroke-like symptoms last year. She didn't call. I had to call 911 and say "TIA" as I was shaking and slurring words. A few months earlier, I woke up at 6 am in screaming pain as a bug crawled in my ear. She wanted me to wait until 8 am when the walk-in clinic opened. Right now, I almost don't consider her my wife. I am her caretaker, for without me she could not survive. I'm also taking over dealing with my son, as she no longer has any idea how to deal with a teenager. So I can't rely on her. But since she can't rely on herself either, I have to be there for her. I'm so so sorry. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2016 16:08:51 GMT -5
obobfla, I am so sorry. You are in a heartbreaking situation.
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Post by solodriver on Sept 18, 2016 20:18:48 GMT -5
Funny this topic came up. One of the reasons I haven't been posting as much is because my wife has been in the hospital again. Once again, she had a sodium deficiency. The most telling symptom of a sodim deficiency is confusion. At 3 am in the morning, my wife was confused. She was standing in our kitchens for four hours, looking white as a ghost and laboring in her breathing. Every time I asked her if she was ok, she insisted she felt fine. Even when she was standing in the same place for four hours, she said she was fine. I politely disagreed and insisted she go to the emergency room. She said no. I called an ambulance. Sure enough, her sodium was dangerously low. Had I not gotten her to the hospital, she would have slipped into a coma. As I mentioned in previous posts, I was having stroke-like symptoms last year. She didn't call. I had to call 911 and say "TIA" as I was shaking and slurring words. A few months earlier, I woke up at 6 am in screaming pain as a bug crawled in my ear. She wanted me to wait until 8 am when the walk-in clinic opened. Right now, I almost don't consider her my wife. I am her caretaker, for without me she could not survive. I'm also taking over dealing with my son, as she no longer has any idea how to deal with a teenager. So I can't rely on her. But since she can't rely on herself either, I have to be there for her. I'm so sorry about your situation. I understand how you feel and I admire your courage to continue to help her despite the way she treats you. Just remember that we are here for you when you need us. |
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Post by JonDoe on Oct 23, 2016 9:26:18 GMT -5
My ILIASM deal taught me - eventually - not to rely on my missus for anything. Any requested assistance would often be punctuated by eye rolling, sighs of exasperation and suchlike, which I found quite off putting. Eventually, I was educated not to ask. That suited her, and it actually ended up suiting me too. Not relying on her for anything actually made my life more predictable and manageable. Addendum. In my deal with Ms enna, this was one of the things I had to "unlearn", and it was (and to some degree, still is), not as easy to "unlearn" as I thought it would be. The sighs, eye rolling, and saying "anyway" or "whatever" drive me CRAZY! |
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