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Post by cagedtiger on Sept 14, 2016 21:08:31 GMT -5
I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but I think when I tell my wife I love her, there's an asterisk on the end, and fine print at the bottom that says something to the effect of, "but not really in a husband- wife way, more like a friend you've known for a long time kind of way."
I'm not even fully sure when I realized this was happening, or even what to do with yet. I'm not upset, just worried about hurting wife when they inevitable conversation happens.
Anybody else, when you got try this point, what were your feelings, and how did you tell your spouse?
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Post by becca on Sept 14, 2016 21:53:26 GMT -5
I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but I think when I tell my wife I love her, there's an asterisk on the end, and fine print at the bottom that says something to the effect of, "but not really in a husband- wife way, more like a friend you've known for a long time kind of way." I'm not even fully sure when I realized this was happening, or even what to do with yet. I'm not upset, just worried about hurting wife when they inevitable conversation happens. Anybody else, when you got try this point, what were your feelings, and how did you tell your spouse? I haven't said "I don't love you any more" because in my case it wouldn't be true. I will always love him and want the best for him but it just may not be with me. But I did tell him I wasn't happy and I couldn't continue to live this way any longer. There is a chance that your wife is already picking up on the asterisk, if not consciously, subconsciously. But I don't think there is any way around hurting her when you have this conversation. You just have to take ownership of that and it sucks. My suggestion? Honesty...even if it hurts. |
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Post by baza on Sept 14, 2016 21:56:07 GMT -5
In my deal, this issue didn't come up.
It was obvious that I no longer loved her as a husband, my actions were clearly saying that.
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You ARE going to hurt your missus if you pull the plug, that's a given and there's no way around it.
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You can "justify" this - if you want - by taking an attitude that "she hurt me first" but it serves no great purpose in adopting such a mindset, it's just blame apportioning, which is a pretty useless pursuit.
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If you can manage it, dump her with compassion and empathy, even if (actually, 'particularly' if) she adopts a combative position.. And, be aware that it is still going to hurt her anyway.
And, it is going to sting you too.
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Post by worksforme2 on Sept 15, 2016 6:42:32 GMT -5
I haven't said "I don't love you any more" because in my case it wouldn't be true. I will always love him and want the best for him but it just may not be with me. But I did tell him I wasn't happy and I couldn't continue to live this way any longer. There is a chance that your wife is already picking up on the asterisk, if not consciously, subconsciously. But I don't think there is any way around hurting her when you have this conversation. You just have to take ownership of that and it sucks. My suggestion? Honesty...even if it hurts. This was it at the end of my marriage. I still care about her and I suppose there is a feeling of love for her at a deeper level, but I'm not in love with her any more. And I couldn't live with her again. I am content to remain friends and every month or so hurl my little tadpoles into the abyss. |
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Post by iceman on Sept 15, 2016 7:27:42 GMT -5
I'm very much at that state. It feels more like a long running platonic friendship that a husband-wife relationship. I never tell my wife that I love her because I don't want to lie to her. I love her but am not in love with her and I've told her as much. She says she doesn't understand the difference which to me says a lot about our differing views of love and marriage. Me saying I love you would imply that I still feel that we are husband and wife emotionally and I simply don't feel that way. She occasionally says it to me and I'll admit I'll parrot it back to her without much enthusiasm. I'm not sure that I should but I don't want to hurt her feelings. It's just easier at this point.
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 15, 2016 14:32:21 GMT -5
I could remember phone conversations and at the end he said "I love you " and I said "ok bye ", I couldn't pretend. Sometimes I would say it.
Usually at night when I went upstairs a couple of times a week he would say "love you" and I'd respond "love you too once I was on the stairs going up".
In August 2015, I told him I wasn't in love with him anymore.
In September, I told him I was getting a divorce and he should get an attorney.
Yes it hurt him. That night we both cried. That entire week was very emotional. It's not easy to divorce, hardest thing I ever did but a divorce was to benefit my future and I had to do the hard work to get it. It all works out in the end, they are more independent than they make themselves out to be. There is life after divorce for both spouses.
I am so much happier now.
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Post by jim44444 on Sept 15, 2016 19:10:23 GMT -5
I do not remember when I last told my W "I love you" but then again I cannot remember the last time she said it to me. Even the last time we fucked we did not utter those words and it was a very good fuck. Please note - we did not make love, we fucked.
Do I still love her? Sure but not as a lover. We are not in love.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2016 23:24:24 GMT -5
...Please note - we did not make love, we fucked. You say that as if it's a bad thing, that's quite an accomplishment in a marriage, IMHO. I get that that wasn't the point of your story but my inner werewolf insisted on replying to this bit. |
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Post by Isabellas39 on Sept 17, 2016 8:27:06 GMT -5
I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but I think when I tell my wife I love her, there's an asterisk on the end, and fine print at the bottom that says something to the effect of, "but not really in a husband- wife way, more like a friend you've known for a long time kind of way." This is very true for me also..I don't like saying or hearing those words anymore because to me it should mean so much more.. |
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