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Post by Rhapsodee on Sept 10, 2016 18:26:09 GMT -5
Take for granted: fail to properly appreciate (someone or something), especially as a result of overfamiliarity.
You assume that I will always be here, waiting for you to love me.
You assume too much.
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 10, 2016 18:48:31 GMT -5
Yeah big mistake - If you show me that you don't give a fuck then I'll show you that I'm better at it!! After that the end is inevitable.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Sept 10, 2016 18:51:14 GMT -5
Yeah big mistake - If you show me that you don't give a fuck then I'll show you that I'm better at it!! After that the end is inevitable. Yup. SURPRISE! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 10, 2016 20:34:49 GMT -5
What happens when you assume something? You make an ASS out of U and ME!!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2016 22:46:56 GMT -5
This is why refusers are shocked and dismayed when you leave, even after you've told them a thousand times how unhappy you are. They just don't think you'll leave.
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Post by baza on Sept 11, 2016 1:08:01 GMT -5
Of course refusers "don't believe you will leave".
And they usually have good reason for having this belief.
If you have stayed despite their previous avoidant / refusive behaviour, why would you now suddenly reverse your position ?
That risk, the refusive spouse figures, is very low.
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A refuser, in assuming you will not leave, is making a pretty accurate assumption.
Fact is, most people do NOT leave their ILIASM shitholes.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2016 20:10:59 GMT -5
Of course refusers "don't believe you will leave". And they usually have good reason for having this belief. If you have stayed despite their previous avoidant / refusive behaviour, why would you now suddenly reverse your position ? That risk, the refusive spouse figures, is very low. - A refuser, in assuming you will not leave, is making a pretty accurate assumption. Fact is, most people do NOT leave their ILIASM shitholes. So true. Most people do not leave their ILIASM shithole. Which is very sad indeed because at least in the States almost half of all marriages end in divorce, but these marriages which surely rank among the most miserable, slog on with no end in sight. For sure there are some very complex and destructive dynamics going on in these deals. A sexless marriage is almost like a cult. You sacrifice your basic needs for the benefit of an authoritarian guru, who has set strict, arbitrary rules for the relationship and is very skilled in mind control techniques to keep you in compliance. Talk of leaving is met with an intense psychological battering. There is often an astounding degree of control over all aspects of the victim's life; at the very least, the victim's emotional well being is totally controlled by the guru. Obedience is rewarded with small parcels of affection, for which the victim feels a deep gratitude. The victim knows only giving, not receiving. The victim orders his or her life around pleasing the guru. In fact pleasing the guru becomes the overarching purpose of the victim's life, in the hope of a few more precious crumbs. Hope of a happiness that always comes later also keeps the victim ensnared. And yet few ever leave. |
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Post by baza on Sept 14, 2016 0:54:51 GMT -5
I think the best indicator (of the likelyhood of one leaving an ILIASM shithole) is whether one has seen a lawyer and established how a divorce would shake out in ones jurisdiction.
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In short, if you haven't consulted a lawyer and armed yourself with the relevant information, you are not going anywhere.
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If I was dispensing suggestions to refuser spouses, it would be along these lines -
- "have a bit of a snoop around your spouses papers, computer, phone and suchlike to see if there is any evidence of them having consulted a lawyer. If there IS such evidence, you may have a very serious problem on your hands - and - it would be smart for you to consult a lawyer yourself lest you get blindsided. If there is no such evidence, then there is unlikely to be any immediate risk"
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