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Post by candymaker on Apr 8, 2016 13:35:42 GMT -5
Of course, all of us "refusees" go online to try and get more info. I came here from EP, but have explored the asexual forum, which puts a much more positive spin on the issue. It's good to have some balance after you get past the initial resentment.
I'm trying a long-term outsourcing arrangement right now. It's certainly nice to be desired again. I'm not sure how it will be over the long haul. I'm afraid my emotions will eventually get involved. My H certainly doesn't know about the arrangement. But I think I am ok with the possibilility that he figures it out, whatever the consequences of that. I've tried to go without sex "forever", but I just can't do it. I figure one long term partner is better than occasional hook ups, but we'll see!
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 8, 2016 13:41:27 GMT -5
Sounds like a plan. Please keep us updated. It may be a solution for more then just you!
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Post by snowman12345 on Apr 8, 2016 19:43:40 GMT -5
It can work, I have managed to keep emotions out of it for 3 years now. Don't get me wrong, I really like my FWB - it would be impossible to have repeated sex without some sort of connection. But when I start to feel it might be more, I look at her and say to myself "do I really want to step into that drama?" The answer has always been no. I try to self inflict as little drama as I can into my own life! But, the whole no sex for the rest of my life thing is not something I can live with either. You make your choices and then you live with them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2016 8:45:03 GMT -5
great plan Candymaker. It is a tall order though. I tried it. It is a bit like trying to find a new spouse. For me, the is no way I can keep emotions out of it. I know that men are known as being able to just have sex with no feelings, but not me. I need that connection.
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Post by RumRunner on Apr 10, 2016 12:02:40 GMT -5
Of course, all of us "refusees" go online to try and get more info. I came here from EP, but have explored the asexual forum, which puts a much more positive spin on the issue. It's good to have some balance after you get past the initial resentment. I'm trying a long-term outsourcing arrangement right now. It's certainly nice to be desired again. I'm not sure how it will be over the long haul. I'm afraid my emotions will eventually get involved. My H certainly doesn't know about the arrangement. But I think I am ok with the possibilility that he figures it out, whatever the consequences of that. I've tried to go without sex "forever", but I just can't do it. I figure one long term partner is better than occasional hook ups, but we'll see! I wish you luck. I tried it myself and it didn't work, but that doesn't mean it won't work for you.  |
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Post by RumRunner on Apr 10, 2016 12:07:49 GMT -5
great plan Candymaker. It is a tall order though. I tried it. It is a bit like trying to find a new spouse. For me, the is no way I can keep emotions out of it. I know that men are known as being able to just have sex with no feelings, but not me. I need that connection. I agree with you... I also cannot separate my feelings from sex. Why have sex with someone if there is no connection? I would feel like I would be using someone, and that would be more painful than being celebrate. After all, wouldn't the sex be more rewarding if it was all inclusive? I will never that, but it would be the dream! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2016 17:51:53 GMT -5
It could be a bad deal if H finds out, depending on divorce laws in your jurisdiction. Consequences could range from none to a civil suit against your lover. Yo may want to talk to an attorney to find out what it could mean if you're caught.
But on the emotional side if you can't keep the emotional attachment to a minimum you're asking for heartache.
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 11, 2016 7:17:31 GMT -5
I have a FWB. And also had a few one-time hook-ups (try-outs). My FWB is someone I like a lot. I certainly do feel a connection with him, but it will never be more than it is. That is okay with me. The good thing is that it gives us both a great feeling of freedom. We talk a lot with each other, and 99% of it has nothing to do with sex. I feel accepted as I am. And for him it is the same. We make each other feel good. I'm glad that you are able to have that connection. I think it would be a good feeling to be accepted as you are. |
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Post by RumRunner on Apr 11, 2016 23:14:22 GMT -5
I have a FWB. And also had a few one-time hook-ups (try-outs). My FWB is someone I like a lot. I certainly do feel a connection with him, but it will never be more than it is. That is okay with me. The good thing is that it gives us both a great feeling of freedom. We talk a lot with each other, and 99% of it has nothing to do with sex. I feel accepted as I am. And for him it is the same. We make each other feel good. This would be the ideal arrangement, especially when you said "99% of it has nothing to do with sex." To me, having that connection with someone would be the most rewarding part of a relationship. When you do have that 1% it makes it all much more meaningful. That alone means a lot! |
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97 
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Apr 12, 2016 8:33:37 GMT -5
great plan Candymaker. It is a tall order though. I tried it. It is a bit like trying to find a new spouse. For me, the is no way I can keep emotions out of it. I know that men are known as being able to just have sex with no feelings, but not me. I need that connection. Same here. |
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Post by TMD on Apr 13, 2016 21:07:58 GMT -5
I've had an AP for just over 3 years. We started as FWB. But emotions definitely got tangled up. We are both working towards our own individual exit strategies. I do concern myself with "what ifs," but am of the mind that it is a solid relationship -- not all about sex, and more so about intimacy ((hadnt bargained for that when I made decision to outsource)) -- and I am prepared for whatever consequences may come my/our way.
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