life77
New Member
Posts: 15 
Age Range: 36-40
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Post by life77 on Aug 31, 2016 18:33:35 GMT -5
Hi All,
Dont you just hate when you and your SM spouse go out and have a good ass time, only to end up rubbing/tribbing one out at the end of the night? I mean you guys have had a good week, the mood is good, you go out that weekend and come home only to them saying "im tired, goodnite". WTF!!! But you being the understanding person you are reply "with ok goodnite bb". But your'e thinking "I'll get a nice reward in the morning instead".... Wrooooong! No sex. Well okay, maybe the next day? No. Ok, the next? Uh-uh. LOL. By the time I get it. Ive jacked it so much that i dont even have a full hard on and I dont cum.
Anybody?
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Post by brian on Aug 31, 2016 20:15:02 GMT -5
You had me until "By the time I get it". I'm lucky if I get 5 minutes a year, and that ain't enough time to get any kind of release. Of course now, after a disastrous 20-yr anniversary, I no longer want her at all.
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life77
New Member
Posts: 15
Age Range: 36-40
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Post by life77 on Aug 31, 2016 21:00:59 GMT -5
You had me until "By the time I get it". I'm lucky if I get 5 minutes a year, and that ain't enough time to get any kind of release. Of course now, after a disastrous 20-yr anniversary, I no longer want her at all. Wow. See. Reading your comment and other random threads. It helps realize what i FEEL. If I dont start taking control of something, I will become more miserable as life passes me by. When you share life with someone you love. I think you are supposed to make each other happy. PERIOD. There will be rough days, weeks but through those times you help each other get out of those patches and you move on, realizing what happened and use it as an experience and avoid it again. This thing is so much a team effort that all married people should be wear jerseys. lol. |
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 31, 2016 22:58:28 GMT -5
life77, it's an evil loop. Opportunity after prime opportunity will pass by... seemingly ideal moments that should have developed into intimacy. Crap sleep hoping she'll come round in the middle of the night; she doesn't. Then randomly it happens for no rhyme or reason. It leaves you wondering why. As in, why bother with any effort when it seems random if/when it happens.
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Post by baza on Aug 31, 2016 23:46:05 GMT -5
I am figuring that 'sometimes' sex does ensue in the situations you describe Brother life77. And, it probably occurs randomly and unpredictably.
This is called "re-set sex" in here, and it works on the principle of 'intermittent reward'.
Intermittent reward being where you are kept in a state where you hope that you have jumped through a series of hoops, in the correct order, to get the reward of a root. Sometimes it works, most times it doesn't but it happens 'often enough' to keep you engaged in the hoop jumping.
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Refusive spouses don't want you, but they invariably DO want you around.
To play the role of social accessory, child minding, money, to keep up a facade and so on.
But it doesn't follow that they are particularly interested in you, the individual, or your aspirations.
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The aim is to keep you at their version of a comfortable distance.
Not so close that you are an equal and respected partner in the situation, but not too far away either, lest you lose interest in staying in the situation.
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This intermittent reward strategy is a tried and true method employed by refusive spouses, seen in here regularly.
It works.
And, it works for a long time.
It works all the way up to when the refused spouse catches a clue as to what is happening - and often, way beyond that point even.
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Post by deleted on Sept 1, 2016 1:02:00 GMT -5
Hi All, Dont you just hate when you and your SM spouse go out and have a good ass time, only to end up rubbing/tribbing one out at the end of the night? I mean you guys have had a good week, the mood is good, you go out that weekend and come home only to them saying "im tired, goodnite". WTF!!! But you being the understanding person you are reply "with ok goodnite bb". But your'e thinking "I'll get a nice reward in the morning instead".... Wrooooong! No sex. Well okay, maybe the next day? No. Ok, the next? Uh-uh. LOL. By the time I get it. Ive jacked it so much that i dont even have a full hard on and I dont cum. Anybody? Been there. Done that. I've lost all hope. Eventually, you just stop giving a rip. |
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life77
New Member
Posts: 15
Age Range: 36-40
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Post by life77 on Sept 2, 2016 10:51:52 GMT -5
I am figuring that 'sometimes' sex does ensue in the situations you describe Brother life77. And, it probably occurs randomly and unpredictably. This is called "re-set sex" in here, and it works on the principle of 'intermittent reward'. Intermittent reward being where you are kept in a state where you hope that you have jumped through a series of hoops, in the correct order, to get the reward of a root. Sometimes it works, most times it doesn't but it happens 'often enough' to keep you engaged in the hoop jumping. - Refusive spouses don't want you, but they invariably DO want you around. To play the role of social accessory, child minding, money, to keep up a facade and so on. But it doesn't follow that they are particularly interested in you, the individual, or your aspirations. - The aim is to keep you at their version of a comfortable distance. Not so close that you are an equal and respected partner in the situation, but not too far away either, lest you lose interest in staying in the situation. - This intermittent reward strategy is a tried and true method employed by refusive spouses, seen in here regularly. It works. And, it works for a long time. It works all the way up to when the refused spouse catches a clue as to what is happening - and often, way beyond that point even. - Wow. Thank you for explaining the bits and pieces that float around in my head. I once told her i felt i was being used. She did not like that. Then started doing stupid things like not eating when i cooked, and other random stupidity. Couple weeks ago we had an argument and she said "Im not trying to use you, Im not hungry anymore". Can you explain this behavior as well? |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2016 12:21:33 GMT -5
"Don't knock Masturbation, it's sex with someone you love!" — Woody Allen  Sorry it make light of a serious subject. I have no good advice to give you. It has been 3 years, and date nights, Hawaii trips, jewelry, flowers,.......nothing reaches her and I feel like we are friends and roommates now. But we are a lot older than you so maybe you should not give up yet?? |
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Post by LITW on Sept 2, 2016 14:22:15 GMT -5
Date night almost always ends with "I'm too tired" (or name your excuse.) It is a promise that is almost never fulfilled. You could stand up for yourself and insist that they give it up because they promised, but doing that reduces the resultant sex to a purely mechanical act because they won't be into it at all, which is only marginally better than masturbating. At worst they could resent you for it because you "forced yourself on them"
I have been there many times. Like others here, trying not to care seems to be the best option, but it leaves you feeling numb ... and unloved.
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Post by ggold on Sept 2, 2016 18:26:16 GMT -5
Hi All, Dont you just hate when you and your SM spouse go out and have a good ass time, only to end up rubbing/tribbing one out at the end of the night? I mean you guys have had a good week, the mood is good, you go out that weekend and come home only to them saying "im tired, goodnite". WTF!!! But you being the understanding person you are reply "with ok goodnite bb". But your'e thinking "I'll get a nice reward in the morning instead".... Wrooooong! No sex. Well okay, maybe the next day? No. Ok, the next? Uh-uh. LOL. By the time I get it. Ive jacked it so much that i dont even have a full hard on and I dont cum. Anybody? Oh life77 you are so young!! Here's the thing, if you BOTH do not begin openly communicating and working on this now I fear you will end up like many of us here. I am 47 now and cannot turn back time. I can only move forward. When I was your age, we had these issues but did not deal with them head on. For me, it's too late. I no longer desire my husband. I will be exiting this SM in the future. Wishing you the best. |
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Post by baza on Sept 2, 2016 20:04:08 GMT -5
Quoting you here Brother life77 - " She did not like that. Then started doing stupid things like not eating when i cooked, and other random stupidity. Couple weeks ago we had an argument and she said "Im not trying to use you, Im not hungry anymore". Can you explain this behavior as well?"
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I'd be guessing Brother life.
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You may have seen in here the odd reference to "why chasing".
This is where you try and establish "why" your missus doesn't want to root you, "why" she does not want this or that, or the other.
It is a very easy trap to fall in to.
It is ultimately a complete waste of time to chase someone else's "why".
Simply because even if you do fluke the 'correct' answer, it does not change the facts on the ground one iota.
Whether you know "why" she behaves as she does, or whether you don't know, the behaviour remains the same.
And you can burn a whole lot of daylight "why chasing" and be no closer to the resolution of the problem than when you started this fruitless chase.
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To cut through the whole mess, you are best served by making YOUR choices concerning the relationship based on the facts in front of you - today.
Forget her "why" and focus entirely on what "is".
She owns her choices, and you own yours.
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She chooses how she will behave in the relationship.
You will choose whether you want to stay in such a relationship.
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Post by leifericson on Mar 18, 2017 21:31:39 GMT -5
Hi All, Dont you just hate when you and your SM spouse go out and have a good ass time, only to end up rubbing/tribbing one out at the end of the night? I mean you guys have had a good week, the mood is good, you go out that weekend and come home only to them saying "im tired, goodnite". WTF!!! But you being the understanding person you are reply "with ok goodnite bb". But your'e thinking "I'll get a nice reward in the morning instead".... Wrooooong! No sex. Well okay, maybe the next day? No. Ok, the next? Uh-uh. LOL. By the time I get it. Ive jacked it so much that i dont even have a full hard on and I dont cum. Anybody? This is pretty much how it is for me too. Its expected now. We go out and have a good time but I can never really enjoy myself with the W. I am always resentful of the no sex. With everything she may or may not do for me, I will never consider her a good wife. Refusing sex is the bottom line and I just have had a room mate for over a dozen years. |
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Post by deadzone75 on Mar 18, 2017 22:13:42 GMT -5
I no longer even think about sex on the rare date nights. I'll put it this way: Saturday night, the W has the weekend off, and she went to bed at 9:45. But, hey, I'm hoping to rub out a good one tonight.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Mar 19, 2017 17:09:30 GMT -5
Just no. No date nights and no more wasted expectations that come to nothing. I can't even bring myself to think about the number of things that she doesn't have an interest in. All of them. 5 minutes of missionary a couple times a year? Thank you, but no.
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Post by rejected101 on Mar 19, 2017 17:31:38 GMT -5
Hi All, Dont you just hate when you and your SM spouse go out and have a good ass time, only to end up rubbing/tribbing one out at the end of the night? I mean you guys have had a good week, the mood is good, you go out that weekend and come home only to them saying "im tired, goodnite". WTF!!! But you being the understanding person you are reply "with ok goodnite bb". But your'e thinking "I'll get a nice reward in the morning instead".... Wrooooong! No sex. Well okay, maybe the next day? No. Ok, the next? Uh-uh. LOL. By the time I get it. Ive jacked it so much that i dont even have a full hard on and I dont cum. Anybody? Yes this is me too. Once she told me "a little romance wouldn't go amiss". I responded with more effort with the buying flowers thing more effort with dating and surprise dates only to be told eventually "it doesn't automatically mean we'll have sex if you do these things". Hmmm! I agree with some of what baza has said about 'reset sex'. That is to say I believe the theory of reset sex. My wife is slightly different though. She actually gets to a point of really really wanting sex so we have sex not as a reset but as a result of he deciding that she fancies having a cock inside her for a night.. The issue I have with that is that anyone bar none can make more effort than "when I really fancy it". There's a big difference between a couple who have a healthy sex life vs a couple that have sex once in a while. |
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