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Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 5, 2016 21:36:55 GMT -5
I really do believe it is a cumulative effect. The longer we learn the controller's training, the more that "spills" into other parts of our life too. I was SO isolated by the end of the marriage. Even most of my family had no idea who I was, how I felt, what I really wanted. I just "went on" doing things his way - until I couldn't. Now - I don't have any sexually intimate relationships but I am learning what a real friend is and what fine variations there can be to that. In my 12-step group, I have lots of different levels of friends that I would share different things with. I have heard a very wide variety of info shared by them, too. There are many who are like a model I can try to learn from - not exactly "copy" but more like strive for being as open as they have been with me. And then the newer members see me as a person like that too - the way I saw the experienced ones when I got there. It's a real community. It's an amazing experience. My therapist work is also critical for me. I have a lot of the childhood dysfunction issues to also deal with. They got all stirred up in the dysfunction of the marriage - even things I thought I had healed before - came back with a vengeance last year (now - much improved but I'm not just too squeaky clean healthy quite yet). All I can say is I am SO glad that I started the journey when I did.
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