Post by Chatter Fox on Aug 30, 2016 11:18:51 GMT -5
Here's a quiz I found online. I wish this were somewhere as a webpage so you didn't have to score it yourself, but alas I could not find an automated version.
Anyway, I think it's very relevant to this group and may spark some interesting thoughts and conversation. I feel as though all of us are suffering from a lack of emotional intimacy in our relationships. I personally believe that this is a big missing piece for many of us. I am curious as to how we all score on this and to how our partners may score on it.
I know that my wife has major intimacy struggles. I have my own hang ups too. I think we all have trouble with intimacy in general. It's tricky.
We can't control our spouses, but we can work on ourselves! So, for me, this has been helpful to pinpoint where I personally struggle with being emotionally intimate and vulnerable to my partner.
I took the test yesterday and scored a 98. I took it again today and got an 83. According to the article I pulled this from, that seems to be close to the mean score for the study they did.
Ok, enough chit chat. Here's the test. Be honest with yourself when you take it! Post your score if you want or just add it to the poll.... or just keep it to yourself. No pressure to share.
ONE MORE VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: Make sure you do the "reverse scoring" on the one's marked "X" (see the bottom for more details)
Part A
Instructions: Imagine you are in a close, dating relationship. Respond to the following statements as you would if you were in that close relationship. Rate how characteristic each statement is of you on a scale of 1 to 5 as described below, and put your responses on the answer sheet.
1 - not at all characteristic of me
2 - slightly characteristic of me
3 - moderately characteristic of me
4 - very characteristic of me
5 - extremely characteristic of me
Note. In each statement "0" refers to the person who would be in the
close relationship with you.
1. I would feel uncomfortable telling 0 about things in the past that I have felt ashamed of.
2. I would feel uneasy talking with 0 about something that has hurt me deeply.
X3. I would feel comfortable expressing my true feelings to 0.
4. If 0 were upset I would sometimes be afraid of showing that I care.
5. I might be afraid to confide my innermost feelings to 0.
X6. I would feel at ease telling 0 that I care about him/her.
X7. I would have a feeling of complete togetherness with 0.
X8. I would be comfortable discussing significant problems with 0.
9. A part of me would be afraid to make a long-term commitment to O.
XI0. I would feel comfortable telling my experiences, even sad ones, to O.
11. I would probably feel nervous showing 0 strong feelings of affection.
12. 1 would find it difficult being open with 0 about my personal thoughts.
13. I would feel uneasy with 0 depending on me for emotional support.
X14. I would not be afraid to share with 0 what I dislike about myself.
15. I would be afraid to take the risk of being hurt in order to establish a closer relationship with 0.
16.1 would feel comfortable keeping very personal information to myself.
XI7. I would not be nervous about being spontaneous with 0.
XI8. I would feel comfortable telling 0 things that I do not tell other people.
XI9. I would feel comfortable trusting 0 with my deepest thoughts and feelings.
20. I would sometimes feel uneasy if 0 told me about very personal matters.
X21. I would be comfortable revealing to 0 what I feel are my shortcomings and handicaps.
X22. I would be comfortable with having a close emotional tie between us.
23. I would be afraid of sharing my private thoughts with 0.
24. I would be afraid that I might not always feel close to 0.
X25. I would be comfortable telling 0 what my needs are.
26. I would be afraid that 0 would be more invested in the relationship than I would be.
X27. I would feel comfortable about having open and honest communication with 0.
28. I would sometimes feel uncomfortable listening to O's personal problems.
X29. I would feel at ease to completely be myself around 0.
X30. I would feel relaxed being together and talking about our personal goals.
Part B
Instructions: Respond to the following statements as they apply to your past relationships. Rate how characteristic each statement is of you on a scale of 1 to 5 as described in the instructions for Part A.
31. I have shied away from opportunities to be close to someone.
32. I have held back my feelings in previous relationships.
33. There are people who think that I am afraid to get close to them.
34. There are people who think that I am not an easy person to get to know.
35. I have done things in previous relationships to keep me from developing closeness.
Note. X denotes items reversed for scoring (ie, score an answer of 5 as a 1, answer of 4 as a 2, answer of 3 as a 3, answer of 2 as 4, and answer of 5 as 1)
A higher score denotes higher overall fear of intimacy. Max possible score is 175.
Anyway, I think it's very relevant to this group and may spark some interesting thoughts and conversation. I feel as though all of us are suffering from a lack of emotional intimacy in our relationships. I personally believe that this is a big missing piece for many of us. I am curious as to how we all score on this and to how our partners may score on it.
I know that my wife has major intimacy struggles. I have my own hang ups too. I think we all have trouble with intimacy in general. It's tricky.
We can't control our spouses, but we can work on ourselves! So, for me, this has been helpful to pinpoint where I personally struggle with being emotionally intimate and vulnerable to my partner.
I took the test yesterday and scored a 98. I took it again today and got an 83. According to the article I pulled this from, that seems to be close to the mean score for the study they did.
Ok, enough chit chat. Here's the test. Be honest with yourself when you take it! Post your score if you want or just add it to the poll.... or just keep it to yourself. No pressure to share.
ONE MORE VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: Make sure you do the "reverse scoring" on the one's marked "X" (see the bottom for more details)
Part A
Instructions: Imagine you are in a close, dating relationship. Respond to the following statements as you would if you were in that close relationship. Rate how characteristic each statement is of you on a scale of 1 to 5 as described below, and put your responses on the answer sheet.
1 - not at all characteristic of me
2 - slightly characteristic of me
3 - moderately characteristic of me
4 - very characteristic of me
5 - extremely characteristic of me
Note. In each statement "0" refers to the person who would be in the
close relationship with you.
1. I would feel uncomfortable telling 0 about things in the past that I have felt ashamed of.
2. I would feel uneasy talking with 0 about something that has hurt me deeply.
X3. I would feel comfortable expressing my true feelings to 0.
4. If 0 were upset I would sometimes be afraid of showing that I care.
5. I might be afraid to confide my innermost feelings to 0.
X6. I would feel at ease telling 0 that I care about him/her.
X7. I would have a feeling of complete togetherness with 0.
X8. I would be comfortable discussing significant problems with 0.
9. A part of me would be afraid to make a long-term commitment to O.
XI0. I would feel comfortable telling my experiences, even sad ones, to O.
11. I would probably feel nervous showing 0 strong feelings of affection.
12. 1 would find it difficult being open with 0 about my personal thoughts.
13. I would feel uneasy with 0 depending on me for emotional support.
X14. I would not be afraid to share with 0 what I dislike about myself.
15. I would be afraid to take the risk of being hurt in order to establish a closer relationship with 0.
16.1 would feel comfortable keeping very personal information to myself.
XI7. I would not be nervous about being spontaneous with 0.
XI8. I would feel comfortable telling 0 things that I do not tell other people.
XI9. I would feel comfortable trusting 0 with my deepest thoughts and feelings.
20. I would sometimes feel uneasy if 0 told me about very personal matters.
X21. I would be comfortable revealing to 0 what I feel are my shortcomings and handicaps.
X22. I would be comfortable with having a close emotional tie between us.
23. I would be afraid of sharing my private thoughts with 0.
24. I would be afraid that I might not always feel close to 0.
X25. I would be comfortable telling 0 what my needs are.
26. I would be afraid that 0 would be more invested in the relationship than I would be.
X27. I would feel comfortable about having open and honest communication with 0.
28. I would sometimes feel uncomfortable listening to O's personal problems.
X29. I would feel at ease to completely be myself around 0.
X30. I would feel relaxed being together and talking about our personal goals.
Part B
Instructions: Respond to the following statements as they apply to your past relationships. Rate how characteristic each statement is of you on a scale of 1 to 5 as described in the instructions for Part A.
31. I have shied away from opportunities to be close to someone.
32. I have held back my feelings in previous relationships.
33. There are people who think that I am afraid to get close to them.
34. There are people who think that I am not an easy person to get to know.
35. I have done things in previous relationships to keep me from developing closeness.
Note. X denotes items reversed for scoring (ie, score an answer of 5 as a 1, answer of 4 as a 2, answer of 3 as a 3, answer of 2 as 4, and answer of 5 as 1)
A higher score denotes higher overall fear of intimacy. Max possible score is 175.
I'm so sorry to hear about that. The fact that your ability to be open and vulnerable didn't really change things for the better does put my mind at ease a bit. Sometimes I worry that I simply am not taking enough risks and that is part of the problem. 
