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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2016 10:08:47 GMT -5
My refuser and I had 2 cats together - we had adopted them as kittens, back in the days when things were good between us. After I moved, we decided that they would continue to live with him.
On Sunday, one of those cats became very ill (they are 12 years old; and have already had a few age-related issues.) By Monday afternoon, she had not improved, and the vet believed that she wouldn't. We decided (both of us, in agreement) that it was time to let her go.
I was there with my ex - I drove an hour and a half right after work, so I could be there, and we could do this together.
And I felt that his love for me is still there. But it's still that damaged kind of love. Something weird happened to him - he went through some health issues and life issues, and I guess he chose to give in to that, to allow life to make him into an old man, beyond sex or joy or willingness to DO anything. And he wanted to keep me there, in that place of being 85-years-old-at-50. He wanted me to go there with him, and I just couldn't do it. If I have to live like that, then I would just as soon cut to the chase and be dead already.
And it's still that way with him.
We still have one other pet together - the sister cat of the cat who died. And while I was at his place, he lavished attention on this cat. He got up off the couch and went away from me, to fuss over the cat. And that's another thing that happened all the time when we were together.
I'm sad over losing a pet; and I'm also getting another reminder of the relationship I had, and how that went south.
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Post by wewbwb on Aug 30, 2016 10:18:31 GMT -5
I'm sad reading this.
It seems to me that he seems capable of showing affection to a cat easier than showing affection to the @smartkat
That says a lot to me.
Loving a pet is all well and good, but it's sad when its a replacement for loving a person.
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 30, 2016 10:45:39 GMT -5
This is the sad side of having pets... We outlive them, which means there is inescapable pain at the end of all the joy they bring us.
I'm sorry for both of your losses here. At least with the ex's consistent behavior you can take comfort that you made the right decision. It sad that he chose to invest his emotions in the cats more than you.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2016 10:57:21 GMT -5
@smartkat I'm so sorry for the loss of your cat. {{{Hugs}}}
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2016 11:04:37 GMT -5
My deepest condolences on the loss of your kitty, @smartkat. Our furbabies are never here long enough. Our oldest dog son crossed Rainbow Bridge last month, and while we're adjusting to being a three-dog family, we miss him every day
{{{sweet @smartkat}}}
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 30, 2016 14:00:16 GMT -5
So sorry for the loss of your cat.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Aug 30, 2016 15:07:30 GMT -5
So very sorry on the loss of your little furball.
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Post by cagedadventurer on Aug 30, 2016 15:29:00 GMT -5
My refuser and I had 2 cats together - we had adopted them as kittens, back in the days when things were good between us. After I moved, we decided that they would continue to live with him. On Sunday, one of those cats became very ill (they are 12 years old; and have already had a few age-related issues.) By Monday afternoon, she had not improved, and the vet believed that she wouldn't. We decided (both of us, in agreement) that it was time to let her go. I was there with my ex - I drove an hour and a half right after work, so I could be there, and we could do this together. And I felt that his love for me is still there. But it's still that damaged kind of love. Something weird happened to him - he went through some health issues and life issues, and I guess he chose to give in to that, to allow life to make him into an old man, beyond sex or joy or willingness to DO anything. And he wanted to keep me there, in that place of being 85-years-old-at-50. He wanted me to go there with him, and I just couldn't do it. If I have to live like that, then I would just as soon cut to the chase and be dead already. And it's still that way with him. We still have one other pet together - the sister cat of the cat who died. And while I was at his place, he lavished attention on this cat. He got up off the couch and went away from me, to fuss over the cat. And that's another thing that happened all the time when we were together. I'm sad over losing a pet; and I'm also getting another reminder of the relationship I had, and how that went south. To hear this short experience amazes me how similar people really can be. My wife and your ex would fit well together. My wife has always had cats and I grew to resent the attention they received. smartkat, I have had the same thoughts of how someone in her 40's can as though she is 80, almost resigned to just avoid the world and just "be". No zest or just intermittent zest for life. Occasional dinners out and tv shows........ AHHHHH, there is so much more! But they want to be "old" and just not do anything including "that sex stuff"! |
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Post by warmways on Aug 30, 2016 15:48:25 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it must be very hard.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2016 16:30:37 GMT -5
So sorry to hear this, kat. She had a long life but that doesn't make it any easier.
I was with my ex too when my dog died a few months ago. I was going over to my ex's to take him for a walk, and apparently just minutes before I got there he died. He just dropped over. I think a blood clot went to his heart. So we took his body to the vet together to have him cremated. We sat and cried for quite a while before they took him. She asked me if I'd still visit her now that he was gone and I sad yes. Then we drove back to her house and I stayed a little while and then I went back to my life and she went back to hers. We'll both always miss him.
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Post by baza on Aug 30, 2016 18:46:09 GMT -5
I'll bet your moggy appreciated your presence as she passed Sister SmartKat.
A peaceful finale for moggy, and 12 years of the cats deeds entrenched in your memory banks to recall when you want to.
And, life goes on.
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Post by petrushka on Aug 31, 2016 15:14:51 GMT -5
So sorry to hear this, kat. She had a long life but that doesn't make it any easier. I was with my ex too when my dog died a few months ago. I was going over to my ex's to take him for a walk, and apparently just minutes before I got there he died. He just dropped over. I think a blood clot went to his heart. So we took his body to the vet together to have him cremated. We sat and cried for quite a while before they took him. She asked me if I'd still visit her now that he was gone and I sad yes. Then we drove back to her house and I stayed a little while and then I went back to my life and she went back to hers. We'll both always miss him. At my house it's been the custom for the last 30 odd years that, when a pet dies, a hole is dug in the garden or in the orchard, the pet gets interred and then a fruit tree or an ornamental tree gets planted on top .... as a memorial if you want. That's the flame tree where Pushkin the cat lies .. that's the orange tree where the Alex the kid lies ... A different kind of pet cemetery. *** I totally get what you're saying about your ex and his interaction with the cat, SmartKat. I had a refuser friend who would not look after the kids for an afternoon for his wife (never mind the other things one does for and with the wife), reluctant to do anything for friends, didn't want to do any real work .... but when his cat scratched on the window he was up like a shot without a second's hesitation. I always thought that extremely odd. I can't understand people who put pets above partner, friends and family ---- or humans in general actually. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2016 16:23:22 GMT -5
So sorry to hear this, kat. She had a long life but that doesn't make it any easier. I was with my ex too when my dog died a few months ago. I was going over to my ex's to take him for a walk, and apparently just minutes before I got there he died. He just dropped over. I think a blood clot went to his heart. So we took his body to the vet together to have him cremated. We sat and cried for quite a while before they took him. She asked me if I'd still visit her now that he was gone and I sad yes. Then we drove back to her house and I stayed a little while and then I went back to my life and she went back to hers. We'll both always miss him. At my house it's been the custom for the last 30 odd years that, when a pet dies, a hole is dug in the garden or in the orchard, the pet gets interred and then a fruit tree or an ornamental tree gets planted on top .... as a memorial if you want. That's the flame tree where Pushkin the cat lies .. that's the orange tree where the Alex the kid lies ... A different kind of pet cemetery. *** I totally get what you're saying about your ex and his interaction with the cat, SmartKat. I had a refuser friend who would not look after the kids for an afternoon for his wife (never mind the other things one does for and with the wife), reluctant to do anything for friends, didn't want to do any real work .... but when his cat scratched on the window he was up like a shot without a second's hesitation. I always thought that extremely odd. I can't understand people who put pets above partner, friends and family ---- or humans in general actually. Yeah that's a good idea with the trees. She was going to sell the house at the time but now that she's managed to take over the mortgage maybe we'll do that next time. She still has three cats, one of which is left over from the marriage. A stray we took to get fixed but decided to keep. |
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Post by Isabellas39 on Sept 3, 2016 8:23:09 GMT -5
Smartkat, I'm sorry for your loss xx
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