Closure

Yep.
"Why" someone treats you poorly doesn't matter.
If they are doing so deliberately, or accidently, the effect on you is the same either way.
Whether they "mean" to do it, or they don't mean to do it, the effect on you is the same.
Whether it is done maliciously, or done out of ignorance, the same effect on you occurs.
If it is done "nicely", or "nastily", it will strike at your core just the same.
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Your ego will be damaged, your self esteem will plummet, your happiness level will be diminished, your mental and physical well being will be affected, irrespective of "why" you are being treated poorly.
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A bit like burning your calf on a hot exhaust pipe (another story from the weekend !!)
Whether it happened deliberately, by ignorance, or in my case, by my own stupidity, it hurts just as much and burns just as deep.
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Deal with the facts on the ground. As the person on the video suggests.

Closure will mosey on by in it's own sweet time sometime later.

beautiful! sometimes people ask me why my husband does this or that. I know longer wonder why. I just think of him like he's sick. He kind of is anyways. but i don't wonder. he's responsible for his own actions.

I was shown that "Closure" is not about the other person at all. "Closure" is about YOU.
You doing what needs to be done to move on.

Using one of many different "tools" one can learn to "Close" that chapter of their life and move to the next.

But you need to learn the tools and NOT think that "Closure" involves the other party.

YOU decide what closure is.

Well, they sorta do. Not from the perspective of the other person but from YOUR perspective.

"Why" matters as only as far as it opens a path for introspection for your own improvement. What you did wrong and what you did right.

"Why did the other person do this to me?" Isn't really the "right" (whatever that means) question.

One "tool" I was shown is that it is about YOU - and how you can change your outlook on it.


Again, please keep in mind that I could be wrong.

The " why did I let this happen" question, or " why am I so bad, I am to blame for everything", if told to the correct therapist, will listen to you. What a feeling to have someone actually listen to you and not correct you. This leads to the eventual conclusion of " it is not your fault, your spouse has serious, serious issues". A good reason to go to therapy for your self.

Agreed. We always have a role, even if that role is just being there and not leaving sooner.

For the sake of self-improvement, it's valuable to understand why a bad situation developed to the point that it did (were we too patient, too tolerant, oblivious?) and why we didn't take stronger action sooner. We may have done everything right: we saw it developing, we took action early, it didn't get resolved, so we escaped - proper reaction doesn't mean bad things won't happen.

But analysis also identifies red flags that can avoid the next experience altogether. Or at least put you on alert to nip problems in their infancy, not after they've grown into a fire-breathing dragon.

I'm guilty of walking away from relationships without a backward glance. I hate confrontation. I have enough to contend with in my marriage and my family life.

I found that confronting a person with the issues does no good and breeds resentment. I'd rather be able to run into that person in public and say hello and ask how they are and move along.

As I did in my first marriage, I know that one day I will reach my limit and walk away without an explanation. I felt no need to discuss my reason for leaving the first time and I won't do it this time. We all know that he won't understand anyway.