Post by litnerd on Aug 28, 2016 13:27:14 GMT -5
The 25th of this month is the anniversary of a very close friend's death, so this week is always really rough for me. He actually started out as a friend of a friend. I was instantly attracted to him, but we were both with other people, so we never pursued anything. A few months out of our relationships, we started hooking up. He was the first partner I'd had who was more concerned with my orgasm than his own, and we had a lot of fun together in and out of the bedroom (although I don't think we ever actually had sex in a bedroom). We both knew we were too similar to have a successful relationship, and he turned to religion for help with his emotional issues, so we stopped having sex. We stayed close friends, though. He died at 32 after complications from an operation meant to help treat his Crohn's disease. Since his death, I've become Facebook friends with his older sister and the woman he was dating when he died, but I'll never forget sitting alone at his memorial service (H and I were engaged at the time, but he couldn't spare any of his sleeping time between shifts to go with me). It's been 6 years since he died, and I still have the urge to text him every time something big happens or I need someone to mock me for being "emo" and make me laugh again.
This week always seems to find other ways to make things worse for me, too. My 18 year old sister (with whom I'm very close) turns 19 this week, and H's birthday is a few days after hers. H insists he doesn't want to celebrate his birthday, and so I'll probably just let the kids make him a cake at home because they want to do something. My sister's birthday is more complicated this year because my mom and our youngest sister are still in Los Angeles, completing my sister's 3rd round of chemo. My 18 y/o sister also recently moved out of my parents' house because of the verbal/emotional abuse from my dad and 26 y/o brother who lives there (and has become my dad's caretaker by default because no one else can or will). Everyone in the family is badmouthing my sister, saying she moved out because she didn't want to help out around the house/is lazy/etc. My grandma and I are basically the only family members who support her decision, and I think that living with her close friend (even though finances and transportation are really tough for her right now), is a much better option than staying with my always abusive father and my brother whose reaction to the stress piled on him is to turn into our father. But dealing with the drama has been rough, especially this week.
To make things even *that* much worse, I suffer from Pubis Symphysis Dysfunction when I'm pregnant, and my body waaaay overproduces Relaxin, which also causes a lot of extra joint pain (I already have arthritis-like pain because of a teenage illness) all over my body. On the 25th, the pelvic pain became so unbearable, I couldn't stand or walk without crying (and I have a higher than average pain tolerance). Partial bed rest (full rest is impossible with young children and H working nonstop this week) has helped some, and I'm going to ask for a physical therapy referral because I've heard that can help with SPD pain (and I also heard from a local doula that one of the physical therapy offices in town has a female pelvic floor specialist). The stress of trying to parent a 2.5 and 4 year old without being fully mobile has been insane, though. Thankfully, my 4 year old is independent enough to make sandwiches and other easy foods, and we have a good space for them in the back yard where they can run around unsupervised as long as it's not too hot.
Sorry for the long ramble. I just don't have anywhere else to unload this stuff, and I don't see my therapist until Tuesday.
This week always seems to find other ways to make things worse for me, too. My 18 year old sister (with whom I'm very close) turns 19 this week, and H's birthday is a few days after hers. H insists he doesn't want to celebrate his birthday, and so I'll probably just let the kids make him a cake at home because they want to do something. My sister's birthday is more complicated this year because my mom and our youngest sister are still in Los Angeles, completing my sister's 3rd round of chemo. My 18 y/o sister also recently moved out of my parents' house because of the verbal/emotional abuse from my dad and 26 y/o brother who lives there (and has become my dad's caretaker by default because no one else can or will). Everyone in the family is badmouthing my sister, saying she moved out because she didn't want to help out around the house/is lazy/etc. My grandma and I are basically the only family members who support her decision, and I think that living with her close friend (even though finances and transportation are really tough for her right now), is a much better option than staying with my always abusive father and my brother whose reaction to the stress piled on him is to turn into our father. But dealing with the drama has been rough, especially this week.
To make things even *that* much worse, I suffer from Pubis Symphysis Dysfunction when I'm pregnant, and my body waaaay overproduces Relaxin, which also causes a lot of extra joint pain (I already have arthritis-like pain because of a teenage illness) all over my body. On the 25th, the pelvic pain became so unbearable, I couldn't stand or walk without crying (and I have a higher than average pain tolerance). Partial bed rest (full rest is impossible with young children and H working nonstop this week) has helped some, and I'm going to ask for a physical therapy referral because I've heard that can help with SPD pain (and I also heard from a local doula that one of the physical therapy offices in town has a female pelvic floor specialist). The stress of trying to parent a 2.5 and 4 year old without being fully mobile has been insane, though. Thankfully, my 4 year old is independent enough to make sandwiches and other easy foods, and we have a good space for them in the back yard where they can run around unsupervised as long as it's not too hot.
Sorry for the long ramble. I just don't have anywhere else to unload this stuff, and I don't see my therapist until Tuesday.
