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Post by Rhapsodee on Aug 29, 2016 19:38:25 GMT -5
Rhapsodee, that 'counselor' should be turned in to whatever professional body has endorsed him. That's a classically verboten move to develop a personal relationship with a 'patient/mentee' who is presumably in a compromised position and for whom he is positioned as an authority figure. (Though I would also question the wisdom of pairing a 25 year old counselor with a 20 year old subject.) But yeah... Some train wrecks you can see coming from miles away, and the participants have zero interest in learning from your hard-won experience. Thank you, DC. I know. I feel helpless. I am as supportive as I can be long distance. She's not my child, all I can do is love her. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2016 14:21:44 GMT -5
Well, it does seem that there is some level of openness for your nephew to be able to discuss his sex life with you. Since he is this open, I would suggest that you talk to him about this issue specifically. Tell him that if she is already cutting him off periodically before marriage, it is likely to get much much worse after marriage. He is now at a crossroads where he can decide if he wants to have a satisfying excuse for a marriage, or the chance for a fulfilling marriage at a later time.
When I first proposed to my wife, she told me I did it wrong, and I ACTUALLY DID IT AGAIN THE WAY SHE WANTED IT!! Yes, it sounds pathetic, and I am ashamed that I did it, and looking back, there is no excuse for her behavior or my acceptance of it. I truly wish that I had a mentor at that time who would have told me that she obviously cared more about having a dream proposal instead of having a dream husband. I should have taken that as a very clear sign that she was the wrong person, gotten away from her, and never looked back.
I used to have the fantasy of going back to 1988 as I look now, finding myself, and introducing myself as a distant cousin. I would talk to me about life and what I know now, and encourage that me to value myself much more, and not accept any negative treatment. I could be wrong, but I think I would have listened to someone who was older and took a genuine interest in me. I think I would have accepted a caring older man's opinion.
So, I really think that you should tell him what he is looking at in the long term. Let him know your experience, and tell him that you heard from a 51 yr old man who spent 28 years with a selfish woman and really regrets it now. Let him know you will be there for him to talk to regardless of what he decides, but he needs to know what he is getting into.
Hope this helps.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2016 14:22:26 GMT -5
Rhapsodee , that 'counselor' should be turned in to whatever professional body has endorsed him. That's a classically verboten move to develop a personal relationship with a 'patient/mentee' who is presumably in a compromised position and for whom he is positioned as an authority figure. (Though I would also question the wisdom of pairing a 25 year old counselor with a 20 year old subject.) But yeah... Some train wrecks you can see coming from miles away, and the participants have zero interest in learning from your hard-won experience. Thank you, DC. I know. I feel helpless. I am as supportive as I can be long distance. She's not my child, all I can do is love her. That poor child. I hope the breakup is not too tough on her. |
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Post by petrushka on Sept 2, 2016 4:59:01 GMT -5
All this talk of slippery slopes makes me realize that I have not laid eyes on a toboggan in decades. Nor snow for that matter.
(sorry if my levity offends)
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