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Post by ted on Aug 18, 2016 16:57:06 GMT -5
No cagedtiger that is not too much to ask for. At least not for you and I and all of us own this forum. However, it is too much to ask for for our spouses and partners. Their concept of an ideal relationship is not the same as ours. That does not make them wrong or evil. It does not make us wrong or evil. We just are not compatible with them and should be with someone else. I'm finding it hard to shake the idea that deep down inside, she really wants what I want, she's just forgotten or neglected to show it. As soon as I find just the right way to help her understand what's happened, the light bulb will go on and she'll correct course, right? I just gotta try one more thing... |
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 18, 2016 17:40:19 GMT -5
ted, I've been saying "maybe next time will be better" for 25 years. After all there's always tomorrow... (Except that one day there won't be.)
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2016 10:54:40 GMT -5
No cagedtiger that is not too much to ask for. At least not for you and I and all of us own this forum. However, it is too much to ask for for our spouses and partners. Their concept of an ideal relationship is not the same as ours. That does not make them wrong or evil. It does not make us wrong or evil. We just are not compatible with them and should be with someone else. I'm finding it hard to shake the idea that deep down inside, she really wants what I want, she's just forgotten or neglected to show it. As soon as I find just the right way to help her understand what's happened, the light bulb will go on and she'll correct course, right? I just gotta try one more thing... , somehow you need to let go of the idea that you can "heal" her. I understand your position - I did the same thing for decades before I realized my ex was never, ever going to be comfortable with intimacy because that's just the way he is and he's okay with that. There is no magic "thing" you can do because this is not something she wants to change. She's perfectly fine with the "course" she's on. Taking the position that you just have to find the perfect button to push is going to keep you on this merry-go-round forever. Please believe me. Put your effort into finding out what would make YOU happy instead of her. You have a much better chance of choosing happiness for yourself (whatever that may look like), than you have of trying to find just the right combination of words and actions that will make her happy. She has to choose her own path. If it's not a path that makes you happy, then choose your own. Otherwise you'll be locked in this limbo forever. It took me over twenty years to figure this out. I hope you are a faster learner than I was. |
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Post by baza on Aug 21, 2016 21:38:21 GMT -5
I think the sooner you can dis-avow yourself of any notion that - within the refusive spouse lurks an absolute root rat who secretly is hoggin' to root you vigorously and often - the better.
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Ted, you are searching for a key to a door.
Facts are, there is no wild root rat behind the door.
In fact, there is no door.
Nor is there a key.
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What there is, is in plain sight.
There is no ambiguity about her position.
None.
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Post by snowman12345 on Aug 25, 2016 20:47:48 GMT -5
CT I hate to say it but it looks like it IS more than she can give. You wanted a partner and companion, but what you got was dead weight. You know your choices - pick one and live with it. Good luck and peace be with you.
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