missinhard
New Member
A mistake repeated more than once is a decision.
Posts: 12 
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by missinhard on Aug 16, 2016 22:52:50 GMT -5
Not only has the ex jumped into new love's arms, he's completely distanced himself from friendships of 8 years because he has a new girl. He'll focus everything on her, make her believe she's the only thing that matters to him. Repeating the same patterns. Now our mutual friends are starting to see that he's not the "nice guy" he portrayed himself to be all this time. He's losing all credibility and friends. I could never explain this to people. Let them learn on their own.
My new mantra "Not my fucking problem anymore".
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Post by baza on Aug 16, 2016 23:20:19 GMT -5
I like your new mantra Sister missinhard.
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And, it will get better still.
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More time, and you'll only have a passing interest in what he is doing (or who he is doing) in his life.
Similar to how you feel about a once close acquaintance.
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missinhard
New Member
A mistake repeated more than once is a decision.
Posts: 12
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by missinhard on Aug 19, 2016 1:43:44 GMT -5
Oh if only I could let go of the anger and hurt and feeling that I'm such a chump. He's buying her flowers and treating her like he used to with me. I know it's all a ploy; a ruse to get her sucked in to his bullshit. I wish I had a warning but I won't interfere. She's a fat librarian who is desperate for attention and he'll give it to her. For a time. Fuck I hate him and the lies he is capable of. I can't wait to get to the point of dissinterest. Fuck I hate feeling such hate.
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 19, 2016 2:17:23 GMT -5
I don't suppose going no-contact is an option for you? Certainly not if you have kids. Perhaps when the house is sold and all the assets and joint taxes, etc. are behind you?
Certainly, the healthiest thing for you is to be oblivious, because he doesn't matter now. Hard to do when you still have contact.
It does kinda make you wish you could post a warning to future travelers, like the crosses on the side of the road. See a bunch of them? Don't fuck around on that blind curve! But in the end, it's better to move on and put it behind you, rather than allowing it to become the defining event of your life.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Aug 19, 2016 8:31:39 GMT -5
Oh if only I could let go of the anger and hurt and feeling that I'm such a chump. He's buying her flowers and treating her like he used to with me. I know it's all a ploy; a ruse to get her sucked in to his bullshit. I wish I had a warning but I won't interfere. She's a fat librarian who is desperate for attention and he'll give it to her. For a time. Fuck I hate him and the lies he is capable of. I can't wait to get to the point of dissinterest. Fuck I hate feeling such hate. I had the same feelings with my ex. He met someone new and watching their story unfold has been eerily similar to how my relationship with him started. I had such anger and resentment; why couldn't he have stayed that way in OUR relationship? I know he probably didn't change or learn anything in the two rounds of couples' counseling we did, and this now marriage of his will probably end up the same way, eventually. I hope for her sake he treats her better, she is a very nice person and I wouldn't want to see her hurt (we interact on occasion, at mutual friend gatherings). I learned to let it go, he is not my problem anymore. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2016 8:44:26 GMT -5
I think it's natural for you to feel anger in this situation. After all, you fought hard to keep your relationship together and then he just walks away and starts over. It's maddening! If he would have given you that attention, you wouldn't be divorced. Eventually, you'll get to the point where you just don't care anymore. Regardless of what he's doing now, he didn't treat you that way and that's why you left him. Sadly, for the librarian, she's likely to end up experiencing the same thing you did, but that also is not your problem. Let yourself feel the anger, rage here when you need to and then let it go, go out and do something you enjoy. Build your new beautiful life and his actions will mean less and less to you.
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missinhard
New Member
A mistake repeated more than once is a decision.
Posts: 12
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by missinhard on Aug 23, 2016 21:47:38 GMT -5
Yes, and now he's moving in with her. Says his counsellor "is fine with it". Whatever. It's a joke. He started that way with me too. It's all a lie.
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Post by olgana on Aug 24, 2016 16:23:14 GMT -5
Hi,
I can relate to what you are saying.
I also feel anger to know he is with a new partner while he kept sabotaging our marriage.
Having said that, in my case, I find this anger healthy if it does not last too long. It helps me to detach and get rid of the guilt he made me experience for years.
Then, I give you a tip which was given to me by my therapist: try to dedicate 30 minutes to him per day, say between 7 pm and 7:30 pm.
Each time during the day he is coming to your mind, ask "him" to go away and come back at the right time.
Between 7 pm and 7:30 pm, concentrate on him and write in a journal every anger thought that comes to your mind.
I found this tip works quite well for me. And it really helps to move on.
There are now some days I do not "use" this dedicated time.
I know how it is hard to move on, but our best revenge is to be happy without them.
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