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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 17, 2016 14:35:28 GMT -5
Or glare at each other and speak to everybody else except each other. This is how we usually behave. Barely any conversation between us when we are out. There's not much dialogue between us at home as well. :-( I feel your pain there too. :-( |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 17, 2016 15:03:23 GMT -5
Or glare at each other and speak to everybody else except each other. This is how we usually behave. Barely any conversation between us when we are out. There's not much dialogue between us at home as well. :-( All part of the detachment process. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Aug 17, 2016 15:07:20 GMT -5
My conversations with the Ex devolved into me listening to him and every sentence of my own being interrupted. My SIL could tell at times. I believe she and my bro are sexless but they are really loving. (That is - I believe they went sexless long ago and they are both happy in their joint venture. It baffles me, but I believe it to be true). Two sisters, I flat out told. They didn't comment much though. My brothers all thought things were good in the years they were (i.e., from the beginning and then up to about 3-5 years ago) but I don't think they contemplated my marriage much - once I was married, I don't think they thought twice to wonder if I still (so many years later) still happy or not.
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Post by unmatched on Aug 17, 2016 23:16:51 GMT -5
When I was in my SM, I really didn't dress sexy (no matter the occasion). It really wasn't until moving out that I started (and well, now - look out! Just sayin) :-) You do look hot in yellow! (Not so sure about the fish though...)  |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Aug 18, 2016 9:35:33 GMT -5
When I was in my SM, I really didn't dress sexy (no matter the occasion). It really wasn't until moving out that I started (and well, now - look out! Just sayin) :-) You do look hot in yellow! (Not so sure about the fish though...) Why thanks, UM - I may need to buy some yellow :-) Actually I do wear skirts & dresses now (nearly exclusively) and I have learned the powerful effect of a low neckline with a good bra (it gets noticed for sure). I left off the "mostly black" wardrobe a while back and adding lots of colors (bright ones) this year. It's weird how much my wardrobe really did reflect my emotional space (while all the while I was "dressing down" I excused or justified it as a money thing or an "I don't put on airs" sort of a thing). I love being so much more open to "try it and see" now that I live on my own. Who knew that clothes could really be a source of fun? (Not I!) |
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Post by solodriver on Aug 18, 2016 21:38:29 GMT -5
I can sometimes tell by the way they treat each other. One will make smartass remarks when the other says something or will be critical of something they say, or say something like "I'm just joking" to the other after making a cutting remark to them.
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Post by snowman12345 on Aug 18, 2016 22:44:35 GMT -5
I hated going out in public with my wife as she would put on the façade of "everything is ok between us". Putting her hands on me, but giving me nothing when we got home. Since we had "the talk" it is cooler between us now when we go out. The funny thing is I don't really think that any of our friends are even aware of it.
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Post by iceman on Aug 19, 2016 11:10:56 GMT -5
In general I think body language shows the state of the marriage. Frequent touching, paying attention to each other, sitting/standing close to each other are all pretty reliable signs of a healthy marriage. It's not perfect but there's a pretty high correlation. My wife and I don't touch, in or out of the house. We put on a good face and appear to.engage with each other but a close look would see through the facade. It seems that we go out of the way to avoid touching. I give her a wide berth when we pass each other and if we are in a tight space together I consciously avoid any touching. In the past if we were both getting something from the kitchen cabinet I would rub up against her.
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Post by wewbwb on Aug 19, 2016 11:15:02 GMT -5
"The Touch" is probably what I miss most.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2016 11:39:01 GMT -5
I have to admit, a few years ago I dusted off the old push-up bras and bought new lacy undies. Was it to try and wake my husband? Or attract an AP? Maybe a bit of both.
But, the telltale signs, especially at weddings, are body language and communication. I notice happy couples at weddings reminiscing of their own wedding. They're holding hands, they're dancing, Mr. goes to the bar to get some champagne for his Mrs. And, they're happy for the bride and groom.
Sexless and otherwise miserable couples don't interact, they don't dance together, they aren't affectionate, they don't toast the bride and groom. Unless they're dressed drastically different, I'd say attire isn't a good indicator.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2016 16:50:56 GMT -5
This is one that will be interesting:
The wedding I am going to has both my refusers attending! My daughter with ex-wife and refuser #1 is getting married on Saturday. So 27 people from my ex's side are coming, almost all I have not seen since 1989! In this group are ex-friends who loyally chose the ex to remain friends with. So not one person in that group do I enjoy the company of.
I really want to look overjoyed and so in love when I dance with my wife(refuser #2) but I don't think I can pull it off.
To add insult to injury I am paying for 90% of the wedding!
I can feel a lot of alcohol coming on.
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Post by cagedtiger on Sept 5, 2016 17:37:00 GMT -5
This is one that will be interesting: The wedding I am going to has both my refusers attending! My daughter with wife and refuser #1 is getting married on Saturday. So 27 people from my ex's side are coming, almost all I have not see since 1989! In this group are ex-friends who loyally chose the ex to remain friends with. So not one person in that group do I enjoy the company of. I really want to look overjoyed and so in love when I dance with my wife(refuser #2) but I don't think I can pull it off. To add insult to injury I am paying for 90% of the wedding! I can feel a lot of alcohol coming on. Drink heavily and hit on the attractive women among that circle of "friends." |
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Post by solodriver on Sept 6, 2016 18:28:57 GMT -5
I think the Sexless couples are easy to spot. They don't look at each other much or at all, and they generally ignore each other. I don't know about that. I am good friends with my stbx and always have been and we probably looked like we were having a good time holding hands and talking. I agree there is definitely a subset of marriages (presumably sexless) like that though. Like the couples you see in restaurants who both whip out their phones and ignore each other the entire meal. That's the way is my wife and I. In restaurants, we sit on opposite sides of the table and she is on her phone the ENTIRE time we're there. What a fun way to spend time doing on your birthday, anniversary and other such fun occasions. 
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2016 9:26:05 GMT -5
I hated going out in public with my wife as she would put on the façade of "everything is ok between us". Putting her hands on me, but giving me nothing when we got home. Since we had "the talk" it is cooler between us now when we go out. The funny thing is I don't really think that any of our friends are even aware of it. My wife was like this as well. She would be upset if I did not sit close to her, hold her hand, etc. It never occurred to her that I was not interested in this because I had not had sex in over 5 years. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 7, 2016 9:31:55 GMT -5
I hated going out in public with my wife as she would put on the façade of "everything is ok between us". Putting her hands on me, but giving me nothing when we got home. Since we had "the talk" it is cooler between us now when we go out. The funny thing is I don't really think that any of our friends are even aware of it. My wife was like this as well. She would be upset if I did not sit close to her, hold her hand, etc. It never occurred to her that I was not interested in this because I had not had sex in over 5 years. That's why, myself, and others have said," go without me, or I will no longer be going to family parties, birthdays, church events, weddings, etc.." Forced into enduring the,happy wife happy life charade?. No thank you. |
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