|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Aug 13, 2016 11:03:55 GMT -5
A friend and I were discussing a wedding he is going to today. We both like to try to try to spot the people in sexless marriages.
Is it their attire? If it is a woman that is refused, is she dressed overtly sexy, or classically showing her lovely figure. If it is the man that is the refused, does he dress inappropriately for the occasion or in nice slacks and a crisp white shirt and well polished shoes? I don't believe that the way a person dresses is an indicator of sexlessness. My friend thinks it might be an indicator. He might be correct, as he is one that makes sure he is always dressed appropriately and I always make sure I am dressed classically, though not overtly sexy and never dowdy.
What are the giveaways that you notice at weddings or parties when people go as couples?
And
What are the ways that we ourselves give away the secret that we are sexless couples?
|
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Aug 13, 2016 11:19:17 GMT -5
I don't think it's in what we wear. In 2013, I went to a formal family gathering. I dressed very classically as well but not dowdy. There was fast music mostly and I was dancing but my husband did not, he was complaining about his back aching earlier in the week. Not a big deal. The DJ played one slow song and all the couples young and old went to the dance floor, except my H and I. At that point it was beyond a SM, it was a SM shithole. That hurt me a lot though that he didn't even ask and at the same time I was relieved. Well a couple of weeks ago I went out to a country bar with a big group of friends and one of my platonic make friends who is married asked me to slow dance (song was Girl Crush) and he twirled me around and held me close too and it was nice. It had been a long time, years, since I danced with a man.
|
|
|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Aug 13, 2016 11:26:05 GMT -5
I don't think it's in what we wear. In 2013, I went to a formal family gathering. I dressed very classically as well but not dowdy. There was fast music mostly and I was dancing but my husband did not, he was complaining about his back aching earlier in the week. Not a big deal. The DJ played one slow song and all the couples young and old went to the dance floor, except my H and I. At that point it was beyond a SM, it was a SM shithole. That hurt me a lot though that he didn't even ask and at the same time I was relieved. Well a couple of weeks ago I went out to a country bar with a big group of friends and one of my platonic make friends who is married asked me to slow dance (song was Girl Crush) and he twirled me around and held me close too and it was nice. It had been a long time, years, since I danced with a man. Ahhh that's nice! We were at a Clan gathering (my hub is of Scottish heritage). There was a dance in one of the ball rooms. He refused to dance with me. A man came up and asked me to dance and I accepted. It was a Celtic dance with only hands touching but it was fun. Hub sat and played with his beloved phone. |
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Aug 13, 2016 14:34:09 GMT -5
Rhapsodee, I think behavior is a bigger indicator. You can tell when someone's there as a couple, or just two wallflowers that shared a car ride. When one of them just can't get into the event mood, won't engage, when they stand together but never chat / smile / laugh / touch each other (arm around the waist, holding hands).
|
|
|
|
Post by cagedtiger on Aug 13, 2016 14:51:00 GMT -5
The last wedding we went to was our own, and I got laid after that one (then exactly once on the first night of the honeymoon). I'm going solo to a friend's wedding in a couple of weeks, and I think she'll be doing the same for a coworker's wedding next month. I know of another wedding invitation from mutual friends that will be in the mail soon, so that should be interesting.
And I've already gone to two other weddings in the last two years that she didn't feel well enough to attend.
|
|
|
|
Post by ggold on Aug 13, 2016 15:38:32 GMT -5
I hate going to weddings!!! I feel like toasting all happy couples saying, " If your sex life sucks now, it ain't getting better! Cheers!" The last wedding we went to was his niece's. We did dance a slow dance and it was majorly uncomfortable!!!! Meanwhile, I looked around the dance floor to see couples who were so connected with each other. Made me want to cry!! bballgirl Must have been so nice to slow dance with a man who you enjoyed being with....even if it was your friend! :-) |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2016 16:28:01 GMT -5
I agree with DryCreek. The body language of 2 people who are not in love is way different than a couple who makes love and is in love. Their expressions are happier, they usually are a lot more fun to sit with when you don't know anyone else at your table and can't figure out how you are possibly sitting with this group of strangers and you are forced to talk to your wife to your horror!
Bballgirl, I love country dancing! And on the dance floor is not where you will find SM couples! If your spouse would just go out and have fun and hold you and talk to you while you dance? No chance I know. What a shame.
And one more tell, if a man and woman who are both good dancers spend most of the wedding dancing with other people it is a SM or they are swingers! The wife and I have been invited and are going to a wedding in September, I hope there are other couples that know how to dance. I am debating about how many dances we will share together?
|
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Aug 13, 2016 19:54:25 GMT -5
I would say the most likely give away would be body language, unless the dressing is just over the top. If a couple doesn't spend much time engaging each other, if they snack or eat at different places and not with each other, if they don't smile or show they are happy in the others company, stuff like that. or even when one of them just says in so many words "there's no sex", like my former SIL when his W, my X's daughter cut him off for a year or 2 that I know of. They may still be sexless, I don't know. Like mom, like daughter?
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Aug 14, 2016 1:46:03 GMT -5
I reckon that by observing couples in social surroundings I can pick deals that are a bit of a sham with a high degree of accuracy.
-
Indeed, within our circle of about 10 couples who we see pretty regularly, I would bet my bottom dollar the 2 of them are sexless deals.
-
But if I'm right, so what ??
And if I'm wrong, so what ??
-
It doesn't particularly matter "who else" knows you are in a dysfunctional relationship.
What matters is that YOU know you are in a dysfunctional relationship.
-
However, if your question is actually "can people tell that I am in a sexless marriage ?" - then the answer is that sure, some people will be able to pick it. You can't fool all of the people all of the time.
If you think that you can carry off a facade of normality, you are mistaken.
People intuite these things, and more people than you think see straight through it.
|
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Aug 16, 2016 18:11:07 GMT -5
My "tells" were like what Dry Creek listed. When I was in my SM, I really didn't dress sexy (no matter the occasion). It really wasn't until moving out that I started (and well, now - look out! Just sayin) :-)
I do wonder about other couples when I know they are a couple. I hear some folks talk though and they feel like they don't get enough but they really, really have no comprehension of years-long sexlessness (they just may not understand how much they do have to be grateful about)
|
|
|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Aug 17, 2016 13:32:29 GMT -5
I feel uncomfortable around the couples that are in a loving marriage. I feel embarrassed that my husband doesn't show the affection to me that I see the others display. He doesn't ignore me. He is always attentive and chivalrous toward me, but I feel they see through his act.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2016 13:51:05 GMT -5
I think the Sexless couples are easy to spot. They don't look at each other much or at all, and they generally ignore each other.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2016 13:59:49 GMT -5
I think the Sexless couples are easy to spot. They don't look at each other much or at all, and they generally ignore each other. I don't know about that. I am good friends with my stbx and always have been and we probably looked like we were having a good time holding hands and talking. I agree there is definitely a subset of marriages (presumably sexless) like that though. Like the couples you see in restaurants who both whip out their phones and ignore each other the entire meal. |
|
|
|
Post by cagedtiger on Aug 17, 2016 14:04:46 GMT -5
I think the Sexless couples are easy to spot. They don't look at each other much or at all, and they generally ignore each other. Or glare at each other and speak to everybody else except each other. |
|
|
|
Post by ggold on Aug 17, 2016 14:33:35 GMT -5
I think the Sexless couples are easy to spot. They don't look at each other much or at all, and they generally ignore each other. Or glare at each other and speak to everybody else except each other. This is how we usually behave. Barely any conversation between us when we are out. There's not much dialogue between us at home as well. :-( |
|
