Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2016 20:01:33 GMT -5
Hello all, some of may have seen an attempt I made to introduce myself in the Welcome- Introduction. But that was pretty brief and I wanted to share more. Sorry about the length, I shortened it several times.
There are 3 areas relationship wise I want explain so you can understand about me. All names except mine have been changed.
I’ll start be describing myself briefly; Born in Boston, Navy brat, 6’1”, salt and pepper, blue eyes, 175 lbs., fit, athletic, 3 daughters, 2 dogs, 2 cats, live in San Diego, SDSU Alum. Self-employed for 15 years, in a SM.
My first wife and my first SM experience;
I started dating my future first wife while I was a freshman in college. We both played on our respective college tennis teams. We talked and practiced together, and started dating. I was terribly, terribly shy and things went slowly. After 2 months we went to a drive-in movie, and in the back seat of my Toyota Celica I lost my virginity during the movie "Jaws" (sorry, I cannot remember the second feature). It was also the first time I did what I call "eating from the honey pot". (OK…… now two observations/questions (1) why do women get so turned on by scary movies, and (2) have you ever met one female that does not love to receive oral sex?) The first time we ever went to a hotel, we checked in at 1:00PM and out the next day at 11:00AM and I had 12 orgasms! What a horn dog I was. Sex was fantastic and we f****d like bunnies for years. Sex was definitely not a problem then.
Fast forward, we were married at 23. That is when her sexual interest began to slow down, and this is how our sex life evolved. She loved watching porn and smoking pot. She smoked pot to get horny, and when I smoked pot I usually fell asleep. So to get sex, I would rent a Porn Movie, bring it home, so after a couple of hours, she was stoned and she would usually wake me up. We went to bed where she would insist I immediately perform cunnilingus, she would orgasm like crazy. When her orgasms finally stopped, we would have intercourse and she never came until after I came. She would never let me stop, I would have to keep pumping until I got smaller and then she would have more orgasms. (and on the plus side, I learned how to love eating pussy and also not stop and fall asleep after I had an orgasm!)
This rather pathetic sex life became the norm for the next 5 years, I would have to rent porn and wait for my stoned wife to come to bed. When I was 28 we had a beautiful daughter, and that screwed our marriage up. Our sex life virtually ended. I wanted to be responsible, have more kids, home in the suburb, responsible parents and citizens. Wife agreed during the pregnancy that there would be no more pot. But she suffered from postpartum and the whole suburb living/family raising/home buying thing was not her cup of tea. We tried therapy, etc. which she only listened to when it was what she wanted to hear and she said she needed some time and space. She had divorced friends who she went out with and seemed to be getting better. But then, on the day of our daughters 3rd birthday, after the last party guest left, she went into our bedroom, packed up her stuff and left. No forwarding address. Leaving me the mortgage and kid and even her car payment! She wanted freedom with no commitment or responsibility. Later I found out she moved in with a boyfriend. Good riddance!
Our daughter is the only reason I have contact with her at all.
What I learned: Never marry the first love, and character is paramount! I had a small victory 10 years later as she apologized and said leaving was the biggest mistake she ever made. Though silently I thought the biggest mistake was marrying her.
Life after divorce-the next 12 years
I can tell you the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life, and my biggest regret, without a doubt, happened next. I sat around and became a hermit, feeling sorry for myself and moping about my life and was depressed for 2 years! Two f***ing years of the prime of my life wasted! OK, a lot more than that if you count the married years!
Back to my story.
I am now 33, and have in my life only kissed one girl ever! My boss, Lawrence, an ultra-competitive jerk, said I needed to get out and meet women, “sure, great idea” I said, but thought it would be a disaster. He took me Country-Western dancing. Believe it or not this was a gigantic craze in the 90’s. But every damn line dance I tried I went the wrong way, crashing into women, but though embarrassing, it was fun. I watched my boss dance with woman after woman and I realized at least 3 things; 1) every girl he asked to dance said yes! (And usually he did not even ask, he just stuck out his hand! And like some Jedi mind trick they would get up and dance with him), 2) There were a lot of attractive women there and women outnumbered men at least 5 to 1, and men that knew how to dance outnumbered men who did not dance 3 to 1, and 3) My boss was a horrible dancer, a jerk as a person, and women were smiling at him!
The universe made absolutely no sense to me! But after a half dozen more trips to country bars, the same thing was repeating. I continued to study the conundrum. There must be something I am not aware of, like “dark matter” at play here because I do not see this as being theoretically possible. I thought if Lawrence was so successful, I would be 10 times better, so I gave it a go. I took dance lessons, and soon learned so much. It was like speed dating, you had one song lasting 3 to 4 minutes to establish chemistry. Except for 2 important differences, (1) you are touching and holding the girl, and (2) she has usually been drinking and that is definitely not a bad thing.
One Friday night 3 months later I went into a bar called “Wrangler’s Roost”. A tall beautiful blond named Kris was learning a line dance and I went out to learn also. I could not keep my eyes off her, and after the lesson and the music started I asked her to dance, she said yes and we danced, she was with friends and did not want to leave them alone. So I danced with all the girls all night. I got her (Kris) number and we went out for a year. She was stunning and 10 years younger than me, a former cheerleader, tremendously flexible, the sex was amazing. I was really in love but one night we had a fight and that ended our relationship. I promised myself that I would never mope around after a woman ever again so we both did not call and I regret the relationship ending like that.
I rebounded into another gorgeous, funny, intelligent woman, named Tami. OMG she was another girl I just looked at and thought “thank God for my divorce”. And I made sure my ex met all of my new and young girlfriends. Tami was 8 years younger and we went out for 3 years. She was honest and said when we started going out “You are very good, but you are not the one”. We must have broken up 6 times and each time we saw each out and about, she would ask “What are you up to?” and I would say something like “I went bungee jumping and the 5 terrifying seconds I was free falling I never thought of you once”. Or one time I was getting advanced scuba certified and I told her I was going “on a night dive tonight………… at her place…….. if she plays her cards right!” The make-up sex was always unbelievably intense. Finally we broke up for good and I was pretty devastated. What happened next I believe should go in the Sexually Speaking section.
One wonderful thing about Lawrence is he would be in disbelief as he met the girls I was dating. He did not believe it possible and theorized I must have an enormous package to date and keep the girls interested (I told you he was a jerk).
I only had 6 lovers during the single years! There is one more named Laura, What happened next I believe should go in the Sexually Speaking section. special and I am not sure how much I will disclose about her and where (here or Sexually Speaking) because I truly fear somehow it will get out and we are still friends.
So the lessons I learned during my divorce were (1) allow yourself to grow (which for me was becoming more confident and growing out of my shyness), end a relationship that is not healthy, and do not mope around. You will regret it your entire life if you do.
My current wife and SM,
I was 42 when I met my current wife, Kacy, who is 4 years younger than I. My friends say she is a dead ringer for Janine Turner of the show ‘Northern Exposure”. Right from the start we were comfortable and I found out she always dreamed of having kids but had never been married and had almost given up hope. She did not have a strong sex drive but she seemed to care a lot about intimacy and a loving relationship. What was I waiting for Lawrence said. She is funny, beautiful, intelligent, great job, the whole enchilada. The thing that most attracted her to me was that her personality was controlling and I was a pleaser. She thought I was intelligent and would provide good DNA and be a great father. And my laid back personality was easy for her to have things just her way, I was happy to comply. Our sex life was great when we were trying to have kids. We went out for two years and she moved into my house and we got married. With the help of invitro we had twin girls born in 2004. My wife is a nice person and a great Mom. Life was pretty wonderful for us! But 4 years ago Kacy hit menopause and already Zoloft. Both sexual inhibitors. She says she it is "not just you, I am not attracted to any man.”
But in most other ways we get along great because she wants things her way (controller) and I am a pleaser. Our sex life got less and less and we started to fight over sex. It is funny, she can orgasm so quickly during oral, but when she comes two or three times she says she loses interest in intercourse, okay I offered, pleading to just let me please you and you can please me. No dice. She said sex was all I thought about (This was after our sex life was down to once a month). Finally I offered (begged) just twice a year! Once on my birthday and once on our anniversary, conveniently about six months apart. Nope, always a fight when the day was getting close. My wife is very religious, volunteers at church, etc. but after we had not had sex for 18 months on my birthday I bought myself some 'presents', I told her it was all for my pleasure, but she may experience some fun also, and we have nothing to lose. She sat on the couch and said "let's see them". I knew right then this was a big mistake but I was doing this I felt as a last resort. So I showed her (1) a silk blindfold, (2) massage oil, (3) 'couples' porn (made by women for couples?), (4) a naughty French maid outfit with stockings and the whole nine yards, (5) a vibrator (not the enormous dildo creepy things, this was small and 'u' shaped to contact your clit and G-spot at the same time) and it was voted best ' toy of the year' by Consumer Reports!! (I just lied, it was the toy of the year but I don't remember by who), and (6) well this was definitely for me, it was called the penis porpoise! It was made of some kind of rubber and it was shaped like a dolphin, and it fit on your penis like a penis ring. Then you would put in a little battery and the porpoise wound vibrate against the woman's clit while the man was inside her, and you can even flip the porpoise upside down if you are doing it doggie-style. What’s not to like about that!! Or really about any of the presents...........but........... well we never used them and the discussion of sex between us has never come up again, not at the time of writing this.
The thing that hurts is the emotional side. We don't kiss, we sleep in separate bedrooms now, etc. I miss being intimate, the emotional part of just feeling that someone loves you. It has become lost and I don't feel the same anymore, and I don't know if we can replace it.
Which sort of brings me to now:
I went on-line to Ashley Madison and met a senior member from ILiASM, and with just a little sobering advice from her about what I was risking and to consider everything, she made me realize I need to think this through. I joined this site and want to thank you as a group for your humor and support.
She wrote about her experience on AM: "Just out of curiosity, I created a profile on Ashley Madison to see what kind of responses I'd get. I got quite a few. Most were in their forties and 5'10". Interesting. One in my age range seemed like a nice guy, the others were either players or trolls. There was a wild eyed man with very long hair and a beard. Out of curiosity I read his profile. It was very well written! If only he didn't look like a psycho-killer....."
Now which of these is me……….ouch………..all losers……….oh well, if this is how I am perceived, it’s a good thing I closed the AM account.
There are 3 areas relationship wise I want explain so you can understand about me. All names except mine have been changed.
I’ll start be describing myself briefly; Born in Boston, Navy brat, 6’1”, salt and pepper, blue eyes, 175 lbs., fit, athletic, 3 daughters, 2 dogs, 2 cats, live in San Diego, SDSU Alum. Self-employed for 15 years, in a SM.
My first wife and my first SM experience;
I started dating my future first wife while I was a freshman in college. We both played on our respective college tennis teams. We talked and practiced together, and started dating. I was terribly, terribly shy and things went slowly. After 2 months we went to a drive-in movie, and in the back seat of my Toyota Celica I lost my virginity during the movie "Jaws" (sorry, I cannot remember the second feature). It was also the first time I did what I call "eating from the honey pot". (OK…… now two observations/questions (1) why do women get so turned on by scary movies, and (2) have you ever met one female that does not love to receive oral sex?) The first time we ever went to a hotel, we checked in at 1:00PM and out the next day at 11:00AM and I had 12 orgasms! What a horn dog I was. Sex was fantastic and we f****d like bunnies for years. Sex was definitely not a problem then.
Fast forward, we were married at 23. That is when her sexual interest began to slow down, and this is how our sex life evolved. She loved watching porn and smoking pot. She smoked pot to get horny, and when I smoked pot I usually fell asleep. So to get sex, I would rent a Porn Movie, bring it home, so after a couple of hours, she was stoned and she would usually wake me up. We went to bed where she would insist I immediately perform cunnilingus, she would orgasm like crazy. When her orgasms finally stopped, we would have intercourse and she never came until after I came. She would never let me stop, I would have to keep pumping until I got smaller and then she would have more orgasms. (and on the plus side, I learned how to love eating pussy and also not stop and fall asleep after I had an orgasm!)
This rather pathetic sex life became the norm for the next 5 years, I would have to rent porn and wait for my stoned wife to come to bed. When I was 28 we had a beautiful daughter, and that screwed our marriage up. Our sex life virtually ended. I wanted to be responsible, have more kids, home in the suburb, responsible parents and citizens. Wife agreed during the pregnancy that there would be no more pot. But she suffered from postpartum and the whole suburb living/family raising/home buying thing was not her cup of tea. We tried therapy, etc. which she only listened to when it was what she wanted to hear and she said she needed some time and space. She had divorced friends who she went out with and seemed to be getting better. But then, on the day of our daughters 3rd birthday, after the last party guest left, she went into our bedroom, packed up her stuff and left. No forwarding address. Leaving me the mortgage and kid and even her car payment! She wanted freedom with no commitment or responsibility. Later I found out she moved in with a boyfriend. Good riddance!
Our daughter is the only reason I have contact with her at all.
What I learned: Never marry the first love, and character is paramount! I had a small victory 10 years later as she apologized and said leaving was the biggest mistake she ever made. Though silently I thought the biggest mistake was marrying her.
Life after divorce-the next 12 years
I can tell you the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life, and my biggest regret, without a doubt, happened next. I sat around and became a hermit, feeling sorry for myself and moping about my life and was depressed for 2 years! Two f***ing years of the prime of my life wasted! OK, a lot more than that if you count the married years!
Back to my story.
I am now 33, and have in my life only kissed one girl ever! My boss, Lawrence, an ultra-competitive jerk, said I needed to get out and meet women, “sure, great idea” I said, but thought it would be a disaster. He took me Country-Western dancing. Believe it or not this was a gigantic craze in the 90’s. But every damn line dance I tried I went the wrong way, crashing into women, but though embarrassing, it was fun. I watched my boss dance with woman after woman and I realized at least 3 things; 1) every girl he asked to dance said yes! (And usually he did not even ask, he just stuck out his hand! And like some Jedi mind trick they would get up and dance with him), 2) There were a lot of attractive women there and women outnumbered men at least 5 to 1, and men that knew how to dance outnumbered men who did not dance 3 to 1, and 3) My boss was a horrible dancer, a jerk as a person, and women were smiling at him!
The universe made absolutely no sense to me! But after a half dozen more trips to country bars, the same thing was repeating. I continued to study the conundrum. There must be something I am not aware of, like “dark matter” at play here because I do not see this as being theoretically possible. I thought if Lawrence was so successful, I would be 10 times better, so I gave it a go. I took dance lessons, and soon learned so much. It was like speed dating, you had one song lasting 3 to 4 minutes to establish chemistry. Except for 2 important differences, (1) you are touching and holding the girl, and (2) she has usually been drinking and that is definitely not a bad thing.
One Friday night 3 months later I went into a bar called “Wrangler’s Roost”. A tall beautiful blond named Kris was learning a line dance and I went out to learn also. I could not keep my eyes off her, and after the lesson and the music started I asked her to dance, she said yes and we danced, she was with friends and did not want to leave them alone. So I danced with all the girls all night. I got her (Kris) number and we went out for a year. She was stunning and 10 years younger than me, a former cheerleader, tremendously flexible, the sex was amazing. I was really in love but one night we had a fight and that ended our relationship. I promised myself that I would never mope around after a woman ever again so we both did not call and I regret the relationship ending like that.
I rebounded into another gorgeous, funny, intelligent woman, named Tami. OMG she was another girl I just looked at and thought “thank God for my divorce”. And I made sure my ex met all of my new and young girlfriends. Tami was 8 years younger and we went out for 3 years. She was honest and said when we started going out “You are very good, but you are not the one”. We must have broken up 6 times and each time we saw each out and about, she would ask “What are you up to?” and I would say something like “I went bungee jumping and the 5 terrifying seconds I was free falling I never thought of you once”. Or one time I was getting advanced scuba certified and I told her I was going “on a night dive tonight………… at her place…….. if she plays her cards right!” The make-up sex was always unbelievably intense. Finally we broke up for good and I was pretty devastated. What happened next I believe should go in the Sexually Speaking section.
One wonderful thing about Lawrence is he would be in disbelief as he met the girls I was dating. He did not believe it possible and theorized I must have an enormous package to date and keep the girls interested (I told you he was a jerk).
I only had 6 lovers during the single years! There is one more named Laura, What happened next I believe should go in the Sexually Speaking section. special and I am not sure how much I will disclose about her and where (here or Sexually Speaking) because I truly fear somehow it will get out and we are still friends.
So the lessons I learned during my divorce were (1) allow yourself to grow (which for me was becoming more confident and growing out of my shyness), end a relationship that is not healthy, and do not mope around. You will regret it your entire life if you do.
My current wife and SM,
I was 42 when I met my current wife, Kacy, who is 4 years younger than I. My friends say she is a dead ringer for Janine Turner of the show ‘Northern Exposure”. Right from the start we were comfortable and I found out she always dreamed of having kids but had never been married and had almost given up hope. She did not have a strong sex drive but she seemed to care a lot about intimacy and a loving relationship. What was I waiting for Lawrence said. She is funny, beautiful, intelligent, great job, the whole enchilada. The thing that most attracted her to me was that her personality was controlling and I was a pleaser. She thought I was intelligent and would provide good DNA and be a great father. And my laid back personality was easy for her to have things just her way, I was happy to comply. Our sex life was great when we were trying to have kids. We went out for two years and she moved into my house and we got married. With the help of invitro we had twin girls born in 2004. My wife is a nice person and a great Mom. Life was pretty wonderful for us! But 4 years ago Kacy hit menopause and already Zoloft. Both sexual inhibitors. She says she it is "not just you, I am not attracted to any man.”
But in most other ways we get along great because she wants things her way (controller) and I am a pleaser. Our sex life got less and less and we started to fight over sex. It is funny, she can orgasm so quickly during oral, but when she comes two or three times she says she loses interest in intercourse, okay I offered, pleading to just let me please you and you can please me. No dice. She said sex was all I thought about (This was after our sex life was down to once a month). Finally I offered (begged) just twice a year! Once on my birthday and once on our anniversary, conveniently about six months apart. Nope, always a fight when the day was getting close. My wife is very religious, volunteers at church, etc. but after we had not had sex for 18 months on my birthday I bought myself some 'presents', I told her it was all for my pleasure, but she may experience some fun also, and we have nothing to lose. She sat on the couch and said "let's see them". I knew right then this was a big mistake but I was doing this I felt as a last resort. So I showed her (1) a silk blindfold, (2) massage oil, (3) 'couples' porn (made by women for couples?), (4) a naughty French maid outfit with stockings and the whole nine yards, (5) a vibrator (not the enormous dildo creepy things, this was small and 'u' shaped to contact your clit and G-spot at the same time) and it was voted best ' toy of the year' by Consumer Reports!! (I just lied, it was the toy of the year but I don't remember by who), and (6) well this was definitely for me, it was called the penis porpoise! It was made of some kind of rubber and it was shaped like a dolphin, and it fit on your penis like a penis ring. Then you would put in a little battery and the porpoise wound vibrate against the woman's clit while the man was inside her, and you can even flip the porpoise upside down if you are doing it doggie-style. What’s not to like about that!! Or really about any of the presents...........but........... well we never used them and the discussion of sex between us has never come up again, not at the time of writing this.
The thing that hurts is the emotional side. We don't kiss, we sleep in separate bedrooms now, etc. I miss being intimate, the emotional part of just feeling that someone loves you. It has become lost and I don't feel the same anymore, and I don't know if we can replace it.
Which sort of brings me to now:
I went on-line to Ashley Madison and met a senior member from ILiASM, and with just a little sobering advice from her about what I was risking and to consider everything, she made me realize I need to think this through. I joined this site and want to thank you as a group for your humor and support.
She wrote about her experience on AM: "Just out of curiosity, I created a profile on Ashley Madison to see what kind of responses I'd get. I got quite a few. Most were in their forties and 5'10". Interesting. One in my age range seemed like a nice guy, the others were either players or trolls. There was a wild eyed man with very long hair and a beard. Out of curiosity I read his profile. It was very well written! If only he didn't look like a psycho-killer....."
Now which of these is me……….ouch………..all losers……….oh well, if this is how I am perceived, it’s a good thing I closed the AM account.
