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Post by bballgirl on Sept 3, 2016 15:40:46 GMT -5
@boulderbob , the real tragedy here goes unrecognized... an adult woman who is so destitute that she can't even afford full sentences. Imagine how she must struggle with ordering in a coffee shop. Sorry, but this surely spans beyond this morning's events - this kind of terse interaction isn't one-off behavior. Maybe it's a form of verbal shorthand that has evolved between you, but really how hard is it to form complete sentences with such novelties as politeness? It bothers me when the standard of courtesy is lowest at home. [Edit: I know this is but a short snippet of your interaction, but my gut reaction is to picture an overbearing woman with servants that she disrespects greatly, and only tolerates out of selfish necessity. Again, maybe not accurate in the broader picture, but the image that snippet paints.] Thanks greatcoastal and DryCreek you both replied at the exact same moment! You both make valid points! I am a pleaser and I married a woman who likes to be pleased! The hard part is our relationship has been 17 years. Can an old dog learn new tricks? (me or her) I will take your advise about shrink4men and remind my wife that manners really matter. Thanks to you both. I'm a people pleaser too. I'm a giver my ex was a taker. We were married 23 years all sexless but not all bad because of my naivety. In my book people don't change for the long haul. You either enjoy sex and intimacy or you don't. You either are a nice giving person or you're not. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2016 16:37:19 GMT -5
Thanks greatcoastal and DryCreek you both replied at the exact same moment! You both make valid points! I am a pleaser and I married a woman who likes to be pleased! The hard part is our relationship has been 17 years. Can an old dog learn new tricks? (me or her) I will take your advise about shrink4men and remind my wife that manners really matter. Thanks to you both. I'm a people pleaser too. I'm a giver my ex was a taker. We were married 23 years all sexless but not all bad because of my naivety. In my book people don't change for the long haul. You either enjoy sex and intimacy or you don't. You either are a nice giving person or you're not. I am amazed that you peg me so well. SO and I had a lot of sex early in our courtship, but after the children were born she confessed that she has never really liked sex, which was a shock to me. We had discussed it because of my first marriage failing. Also impressive was the fact you joked about needing to stay hydrated. I wondered if you remembered, but now I am sure that you did. Very sharp! |
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 3, 2016 17:09:34 GMT -5
I'm a people pleaser too. I'm a giver my ex was a taker. We were married 23 years all sexless but not all bad because of my naivety. In my book people don't change for the long haul. You either enjoy sex and intimacy or you don't. You either are a nice giving person or you're not. I am amazed that you peg me so well. SO and I had a lot of sex early in our courtship, but after the children were born she confessed that she has never really liked sex, which was a shock to me. We had discussed it because of my first marriage failing. Also impressive was the fact you joked about needing to stay hydrated. I wondered if you remembered, but now I am sure that you did. Very sharp! Sounds like a classic bait and switch. I should know I was bait and switched. After kids sex dropped off a cliff and became non existent, once a year at best. Sex serves a different purpose for different people and sometimes the purpose is different at different stages of life. Very few people have a fun playful appreciation for sex and the pleasure it provides. I think they let life get in the way and if they once had it they forget and lose that part of themselves. As well as the intimacy and connection it provides. I often wonder if I wasn't in a SM if my husband would have been after me on a regular basis if I would not have turned into a not tonight honey kind of woman. I'd like to think I wouldn't though I think I know myself well enough. So in time couples have different view points on sex and they grow apart the issue is how far apart they grew. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 3, 2016 18:04:19 GMT -5
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Post by unmatched on Sept 3, 2016 21:18:57 GMT -5
First sorry about the loss in your family. That 30 seconds remark was mean. Hopefully she is emotional because of her loss. If it's a common attitude of hers then I would recommend you inform her that you will no longer be bringing her coffee until she starts giving you head. But don't say it this week, she's got enough on her plate right now! Thank you for your condolences. The 30 seconds remark was not mean. It is par for the course. Like "wine?" or "where's my wine?" she expects me to anticipate her needs. That was easy to do early in our relationship (when you felt that you both would do anything to please each other), but when you are just taken for granted.......... isn't it ironic that it is always women that are taken for granted by men, and I am complaining about the reverse now! Also, great idea about the head. but it is never going to happen! Does this work the other way round too? Does she anticipate your needs. Do you get to say, 'sandwich?' or 'keys?' and she will go get them for you? (I realise that 'blow job?' is out of the question...) |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2016 23:43:29 GMT -5
Thank you for your condolences. The 30 seconds remark was not mean. It is par for the course. Like "wine?" or "where's my wine?" she expects me to anticipate her needs. That was easy to do early in our relationship (when you felt that you both would do anything to please each other), but when you are just taken for granted.......... isn't it ironic that it is always women that are taken for granted by men, and I am complaining about the reverse now! Also, great idea about the head. but it is never going to happen! Does this work the other way round too? Does she anticipate your needs. Do you get to say, 'sandwich?' or 'keys?' and she will go get them for you? (I realise that 'blow job?' is out of the question...) To be truthful, she would laugh at me if it were in a normal situation. But it does work in front of her family! Wine? Beer? I can win those begrudgingly in front of her family in the right circumstances, but it would be generous to call it 90% to 10%. |
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Post by unmatched on Sept 4, 2016 0:09:17 GMT -5
Does this work the other way round too? Does she anticipate your needs. Do you get to say, 'sandwich?' or 'keys?' and she will go get them for you? (I realise that 'blow job?' is out of the question...) To be truthful, she would laugh at me if it were in a normal situation. But it does work in front of her family! Wine? Beer? I can win those begrudgingly in front of her family in the right circumstances, but it would be generous to call it 90% to 10%. So what do you think will happen if you start pushing back? Either laugh at her when she wants something, or tell her you actually do want it when she laughs at you. Again, maybe not this week, but from next week is it worth a try? Was is the worst that can happen? |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Dec 12, 2016 13:46:51 GMT -5
@wingman. You don't deserve that crap. At least I get politeness and manners. He's polite even when I'm driving him crazy and I know he would like to throttle me. I know living with an ADHD person like me can be frustrating. It's worse when I'm stressed. He does have a sense of humor. We live in the alternative universe of Dee.
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Post by beachguy on Dec 12, 2016 14:59:04 GMT -5
Thank you for your condolences. The 30 seconds remark was not mean. It is par for the course. Like "wine?" or "where's my wine?" she expects me to anticipate her needs. That was easy to do early in our relationship (when you felt that you both would do anything to please each other), but when you are just taken for granted.......... isn't it ironic that it is always women that are taken for granted by men, and I am complaining about the reverse now! Also, great idea about the head. but it is never going to happen! Does this work the other way round too? Does she anticipate your needs. Do you get to say, 'sandwich?' or 'keys?' and she will go get them for you? (I realise that 'blow job?' is out of the question...) I believe "blow job" would be the correct response to "coffee". No, he won't get a BJ but he will get his self respect back. The BJ is always off the table but self respect should always be on the table |
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Post by beachguy on Dec 12, 2016 15:04:36 GMT -5
I'm a people pleaser too. I'm a giver my ex was a taker. We were married 23 years all sexless but not all bad because of my naivety. In my book people don't change for the long haul. You either enjoy sex and intimacy or you don't. You either are a nice giving person or you're not. I am amazed that you peg me so well. SO and I had a lot of sex early in our courtship, but after the children were born she confessed that she has never really liked sex, which was a shock to me. We had discussed it because of my first marriage failing. Also impressive was the fact you joked about needing to stay hydrated. I wondered if you remembered, but now I am sure that you did. Very sharp! It is a rare woman that actually admits, flat out, her bait n switch. And she is a manipulative bitch, the way she used family trauma against you, to keep you in your place. |
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Post by petrushka on Dec 13, 2016 4:41:21 GMT -5
You bought your wife a Toyota fucking Prius for her birthday? My birthday was exactly one month ago. I got a coffee mug. A fucking coffee mug. A vessel to hold my fucking coffee. From my husband. This is something I would buy my aesthetician or the fucking Avon lady or my mechanic. Not my fucking spouse. Sorry, I know that's not the point of your thread, Bob. I'm just really fucking mad. K. I'm done. End rant. A coffee mug? You lucky thing! The last 7 years I've bought my own birthday presents. For me. That way I get something that I'd love to have, and something that might be useful, depending. She offers to knit pullovers. No, I don't really want another pullover, thank you very much all the same. (I'd rather have a nice, solid, coffee mug!) |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2016 5:25:46 GMT -5
You bought your wife a Toyota fucking Prius for her birthday? My birthday was exactly one month ago. I got a coffee mug. A fucking coffee mug. A vessel to hold my fucking coffee. From my husband. This is something I would buy my aesthetician or the fucking Avon lady or my mechanic. Not my fucking spouse. Sorry, I know that's not the point of your thread, Bob. I'm just really fucking mad. K. I'm done. End rant. A coffee mug? You lucky thing! The last 7 years I've bought my own birthday presents. For me. That way I get something that I'd love to have, and something that might be useful, depending. She offers to knit pullovers. No, I don't really want another pullover, thank you very much all the same. (I'd rather have a nice, solid, coffee mug!) I'll trade you! It's winter here and I could use a nice pullover. |
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Post by wewbwb on Dec 13, 2016 8:48:29 GMT -5
For our Anniversary I got the choice of a train ride or baseball tickets.
I failed to ask what season.
So...
I got neither.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 14, 2016 17:00:40 GMT -5
The birthday before leaving, I got a face to face explanation of how I'm so difficult to buy for, so he didn't get me anything. All said quite proudly. I had spent $350 or so on his b-day present about 3 months earlier. He said he'd buy my dinner that night, though, which was great - about 10 bucks or less, with my stepdaughter & her mom, baby, & husband. Yes, you read right: his first wife came to about 3 of my birthdays in a row - with her girlfriend.
Last year, after I had told him I would leave, & I had moved to guest room, when my b-day came - I had to explain that I mostly just wanted a birthday w/o his first wife at the meal. No one came at all. He made tostadas from scratch.
Earlier- before the news, see - he gave me the present of a laptop computer (he had traded labor hours for it). This was the computer I did all my EP correspondence & lawyer research on. So I think we're even on the presents b/c I used his last present to get out.
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 14, 2016 18:19:28 GMT -5
The birthday before leaving he forgot it was my birthday.
Six weeks later I told him I was getting a divorce.
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