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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2016 12:31:51 GMT -5
A "Bad Beat" is a poker term meaning you are overwhelmingly the odds on favorite to win a poker pot, and your opponent draws the only card that can win and you lose!
My wife and I disagree about who is the best driver in our house. She puts on lip gloss while she is driving, chats on her cell phone(not anymore as I bought her a Toyota Prius for her birthday so she could keep her hands free), she has had several accidents and several tickets, but the Disneyland story I posted in the thread "Same Event-But Different Memories" is the classic car story for her.
Now fast forward and this just happened to me. I took my 3 daughters and their 2 friends to Comic Con recently. Dropped them off, told them where and when I would pick them up, and call or text if different. Naturally, Comic Con is a total zoo, the girls are not where they are supposed to be. So after 10 minutes of searching I reach over, pick up my cell phone, call my daughter, and keep the phone to my ear until I find them. Lo and behold a cop spots me and I get a ticket for using my cell phone while driving. This is only the second ticket I have ever had (the first was speeding), in my life and I never talk on my phone. If it is an emergency I pull over and talk while my car is stopped. I am really pissed at my daughters about the ticket.
But what hurts the most is when I get home the spouse hears the story and says "Well I admit I was looking at my cell phone at Disneyland but I never got a ticket!" Damn, that effing hurt to hear, and she lords it over my head about who is the better driver and who did not get a ticket. Life is not fair!
Does anyone want to vent how "life is not fair" or about a "bad beat" you took?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2016 12:44:11 GMT -5
At the risk of hijacking the thread, has she had problems with the doors on the Prius? I have a 2013 Prius C and the locks in two of the doors failed before the warranty was even up, in very close succession. So far this has only cost me inconvenience, but I'd bet a dollar to a donut the other two will fail between 36k and 40k miles.
Maybe this is relevant. Maybe I just got part of a bad lot.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2016 14:05:27 GMT -5
Don'y worry phin. No problems with the car yet, 2016 and only 6,000 miles.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2016 11:52:09 GMT -5
OK, I don't think this is a bad beat but I want to rant about my morning.
I got up at 5:30 AM. Start doing all the chores around the house, busy for one hour, when wife wakes up and comes downstairs. The phone rings and it is bad news, her father (my FIL) who was in hospice, died this morning. I hug my wife, tell her I am so sorry, and she said she has to let everyone else know. She sits down and starts calling.
I am keeping busy with her 16 year old cat, who takes 2 pills which I break up and mix in his cat food he takes about 25 minutes to eat. And I have to stand over the cat, if he walks away, I put the bowl in front of him and he keeps eating. We have a dog and cat that want to steal his food also so I stand over him.
So the point of the story; while I am pushing the dog away with one hand and the other cat away with my foot and am trying to read the paper, my wife is 10 feet away and without looking at me just says in a normal tone of voice "coffee".
The rest of the conversation went like this;
me "coffee?" (in a tone that says I'm kind of busy and the word "please" would have been appreciated)
her "what do you mean?"
me "nothing honey, just being funny"
her "MY FATHER JUST DIED AND YOU ARE MAKING JOKES, DO YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE FUNNY?"
me "I'm sorry, you are right"
So I pick up the old cat, put him and his bowl in the bathroom, go get my wife's coffee, and go back and give it to her. She takes a sip and without looking at me, and in a normal tone of voice said "30 seconds".
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 3, 2016 12:31:43 GMT -5
First sorry about the loss in your family. That 30 seconds remark was mean. Hopefully she is emotional because of her loss. If it's a common attitude of hers then I would recommend you inform her that you will no longer be bringing her coffee until she starts giving you head.
But don't say it this week, she's got enough on her plate right now!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2016 12:51:14 GMT -5
First sorry about the loss in your family. That 30 seconds remark was mean. Hopefully she is emotional because of her loss. If it's a common attitude of hers then I would recommend you inform her that you will no longer be bringing her coffee until she starts giving you head. But don't say it this week, she's got enough on her plate right now! Thank you for your condolences. The 30 seconds remark was not mean. It is par for the course. Like "wine?" or "where's my wine?" she expects me to anticipate her needs. That was easy to do early in our relationship (when you felt that you both would do anything to please each other), but when you are just taken for granted.......... isn't it ironic that it is always women that are taken for granted by men, and I am complaining about the reverse now! Also, great idea about the head. but it is never going to happen! |
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 3, 2016 13:03:24 GMT -5
First sorry about the loss in your family. That 30 seconds remark was mean. Hopefully she is emotional because of her loss. If it's a common attitude of hers then I would recommend you inform her that you will no longer be bringing her coffee until she starts giving you head. But don't say it this week, she's got enough on her plate right now! Thank you for your condolences. The 30 seconds remark was not mean. It is par for the course. Like "wine?" or "where's my wine?" she expects me to anticipate her needs. That was easy to do early in our relationship (when you felt that you both would do anything to please each other), but when you are just taken for granted.......... isn't it ironic that it is always women that are taken for granted by men, and I am complaining about the reverse now! Also, great idea about the head. but it is never going to happen! I totally get that when everything is good in a relationship and you want to be proactive to please them. But yes after years of refusal and being taken for granted its just a tough pill to swallow. I was very taken for granted and eventually I shutdown and detached from him. Of course I still had to cook for my kids and so he reaped the benefits of that. I had so much anger and resentment because he ate the food I cooked. Eventually I left it was toxic. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2016 13:09:49 GMT -5
Thank you for your condolences. The 30 seconds remark was not mean. It is par for the course. Like "wine?" or "where's my wine?" she expects me to anticipate her needs. That was easy to do early in our relationship (when you felt that you both would do anything to please each other), but when you are just taken for granted.......... isn't it ironic that it is always women that are taken for granted by men, and I am complaining about the reverse now! Also, great idea about the head. but it is never going to happen! I totally get that when everything is good in a relationship and you want to be proactive to please them. But yes after years of refusal and being taken for granted its just a tough pill to swallow. I was very taken for granted and eventually I shutdown and detached from him. Of course I still had to cook for my kids and so he reaped the benefits of that. I had so much anger and resentment because he ate the food I cooked. Eventually I left it was toxic. You do understand totally where I am at. |
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Post by csl on Sept 3, 2016 13:26:02 GMT -5
Thank you for your condolences. The 30 seconds remark was not mean. It is par for the course. Like "wine?" or "where's my wine?" she expects me to anticipate her needs. That was easy to do early in our relationship (when you felt that you both would do anything to please each other), but when you are just taken for granted.......... isn't it ironic that it is always women that are taken for granted by men, and I am complaining about the reverse now! Also, great idea about the head. but it is never going to happen! Okay, I agree that nothing is said about it during the immediate future, while she is dealing with her loss. But, soon? You take Princess down from her pedestal and blow up the friggin' pedestal! One writer I read said that she was talking to a woman who was standing adamant for not "serving" her husband: "I didn't get married so I could wait on some man hand and foot!" In further conversation, the author learned that, basically, the woman got married so some man could wait on her hand and foot! One man I know realized, after 14 years of marriage, that his wife expected him to jump whenever she wanted something. "Wine?" "Yeah, it's in the kitchen. Help yourself." "Coffee?" "Sure, I left some. Help yourself." |
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 3, 2016 13:32:52 GMT -5
I see much more in your story. I was wondering were any sympathy was for you? Hello....you just lost a family member too, right? relatives are family, all through marriage, one big unit, theoretically.Instead of comforting any of your loss or grievance, you were down graded to a pet sitter/servant.
Wouldn't want to take her down from her pedestal of being the helpless victim that everyone is to grieve for and be under her control.
Try doing the same thing to her, ( a few weeks from now) and watch her response! Equal treatment is not in her vocabulary. Document it like you did here. it will help you learn from it. Also go to shrink4men, you will get the idea of the double standard you live with.
Sorry for your loss.
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 3, 2016 13:33:26 GMT -5
@boulderbob , the real tragedy here goes unrecognized... an adult woman who is so destitute that she can't even afford full sentences. Imagine how she must struggle with ordering in a coffee shop.
Sorry, but this surely spans beyond this morning's events - this kind of terse interaction isn't one-off behavior. Maybe it's a form of verbal shorthand that has evolved between you, but really how hard is it to form complete sentences with such novelties as politeness?
It bothers me when the standard of courtesy is lowest at home.
[Edit: I know this is but a short snippet of your interaction, but my gut reaction is to picture an overbearing woman with servants that she disrespects greatly, and only tolerates out of selfish necessity. Again, maybe not accurate in the broader picture, but the image that snippet paints.]
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2016 13:56:09 GMT -5
@boulderbob , the real tragedy here goes unrecognized... an adult woman who is so destitute that she can't even afford full sentences. Imagine how she must struggle with ordering in a coffee shop. Sorry, but this surely spans beyond this morning's events - this kind of terse interaction isn't one-off behavior. Maybe it's a form of verbal shorthand that has evolved between you, but really how hard is it to form complete sentences with such novelties as politeness? It bothers me when the standard of courtesy is lowest at home. [Edit: I know this is but a short snippet of your interaction, but my gut reaction is to picture an overbearing woman with servants that she disrespects greatly, and only tolerates out of selfish necessity. Again, maybe not accurate in the broader picture, but the image that snippet paints.] Thanks greatcoastal and DryCreek you both replied at the exact same moment! You both make valid points! I am a pleaser and I married a woman who likes to be pleased! The hard part is our relationship has been 17 years. Can an old dog learn new tricks? (me or her) I will take your advise about shrink4men and remind my wife that manners really matter. Thanks to you both. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2016 15:17:56 GMT -5
You bought your wife a Toyota fucking Prius for her birthday?
My birthday was exactly one month ago. I got a coffee mug. A fucking coffee mug. A vessel to hold my fucking coffee. From my husband. This is something I would buy my aesthetician or the fucking Avon lady or my mechanic. Not my fucking spouse.
Sorry, I know that's not the point of your thread, Bob. I'm just really fucking mad.
K. I'm done. End rant.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2016 15:31:31 GMT -5
Aaaand ... I just read the rest of the thread. I'm so sorry for ranting before and terribly sorry for your loss. Hugs across the miles, Bob.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 3, 2016 15:39:06 GMT -5
@andie you were priceless there!
@boulderbob. Jeez. I've been up my own arse so much today.
She's certainly a special type of woman!
And I vote that the animals stay with you when this is all over. And it will be. When the time is right.
Keep your chin up lovely xxxxx
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