When you are in the middle of an ILIASM shithole, it is rather hard to look at things objectively, given that you are up to your neck - emotionally - in the situation.
-
But that - to look at the situation objectively and without emotion - is what you need to strive for.
-
In 'most' cases, the avoidant spouses reluctance to engage you ain't personal.
It is more a case of them just being themselves.
And that may well mean that they do not find you (or maybe anyone) sexually desirable.
They may well still like to twang themselves off, solo, or to porn, as they still have sexual desires, but "YOU" do not figure in their sexual repertoire. Maybe their desires are directed toward imagery / fantasy / whatever, but certainly NOT toward you.
-
This - alone - doesn't make them a bad person. They are what they are, and it is what it is.
It ain't personal. (although it sure as shit feels VERY personal)
-
And whereas it - alone - does not make them a bad person, it sure as hell DOES make them an entirely unsuitable person to be in a marital relationship with you.
-
And, on the evidence of thousands of stories in the old EP/ILIASM group, the chances of you ever figuring prominently in their sexual repertoire, are zero.
It simply is NOT who they are.
It - usually - ain't personal.
-
And that realisation usually results in the questions concerning 'what's next' just getting harder for you.
-
Sometimes, it is indeed easier to stay in denial about things.
