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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 9:42:49 GMT -5
Feeling a need to vent about his recent behavior.
I manage to get a babysitter and he either shows up late (golf and a much needed haircut were the last 2 reasons!) or invites his friends/employees along on our night out. I get to sit at a bar with his friends listening to their work problems instead of enjoying a quiet night alone.
He gets free tickets to sporting events and instead of taking our son he invites his co-worker and fiancé to every single event... leaving me to find a sitter in the new town we recently moved to. Not an easy task. Did I mention this couple is in their mid 20's? What am I supposed to talk about with someone who is half my age? Can't talk about children, work life, marital problems, family stress ...nothing. She is one of the nicest, sweetest, purest people I've met, but the age difference is too great for me. Never mind how old & ugly it makes me feel to hang out with someone so young and pretty. People probably think I am her mother because why else would we be out together.
He is insisting I go on his business trip with him next week to London and Paris. Paris...where the terrorist attacks are happening. The only reason he wants me to go is because his employee is bringing his fiancé, the 25 year old, so she has someone to hang out with while they work all day. This is a such BS! He doesn't want me to go so I can be with him, only to entertain this girl. I have to ask my parents who live 600 miles away to come watch my son for the week. Inconviences me, my son & them, but hey as long as my husband & his buddy are happy who cares, right?
He invites people to our house for dinner without asking me first. He typically asks them right in front of me so I can't say no! He invited someone over tomorrow night knowing how much I have to do to get ready for the trip that he is pressuring me to go on.
Saved the best for last: I slipped and fell on our basement floor about a month ago. Bruised ribs and concussion--self-diagnosed. I begged him to stay home the next day, a Friday, to help take care of our son since I was in so much pain. This started a huge fight with him yelling and screaming at me for hours about how he can't take off work. He is the boss and can take off if needed. I hear him on the phone with his employess telling them to stay home to care of their sick spouses/kids and how family comes before work. Well every Friday since then he's taken off or worked half days to go golfing. Every Friday. I confronted him about this over the weekend when he asked why I was in a bad mood. He had no answer. Nothing. Pretty sure he realized what an awful husband he's been, but not sure.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 11:53:55 GMT -5
Why is it we marry people who only seem concerned with what we can do for them.....? And only see things from their point of view....?
I agree, I cant talk to millenials about much... 30 somethings, sure, but under 30? We just don't see eye-to-eye or have much to talk about....
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 9, 2016 12:05:00 GMT -5
He has absolute zero consideration for you.
Once my ex sent me the same text inviting people to our house for a party to watch a football game. The only person that showed up was the man he was jealous of that I have a platonic friendship with. I let my ex know that the only reason he showed up was because he liked ME! I flirted with him all night too so that backfired on him.
As far as the trip to France - it's your life! Tell him you don't have the energy to travel or better yet tell him you'll be happier and it will be a vacation not having to see his face. Bon Voyage Asshole!!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 12:42:09 GMT -5
bballgirl Glad his football party backfired on him and you wound up having all the fun. Wish I could tell him to go off to Europe alone, but its all set for me to tag along now. Zero consideration....yup. Feeling powerless to leave him at this point though.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 12:44:56 GMT -5
Why is it we marry people who only seem concerned with what we can do for them.....? And only see things from their point of view....? I agree, I cant talk to millenials about much... 30 somethings, sure, but under 30? We just don't see eye-to-eye or have much to talk about.... @roch649 I think we feel we can change them or they will eventually change on their own. 12 years later, I see I was wrong! |
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 9, 2016 12:49:44 GMT -5
bballgirl Glad his football party backfired on him and you wound up having all the fun. Wish I could tell him to go off to Europe alone, but its all set for me to tag along now. Zero consideration....yup. Feeling powerless to leave him at this point though. Well if I was in your shoes I would create an itinerary for France of things you would like to do. Maybe call a private tour guide company that can take you around to see the sites (request their most charming flirty tour guide). Does the hotel have a spa? Or is there one nearby? If the twenty year old wants to join you fine it not you are not her babysitter. Any casinos there? Shit maybe you'll make a new friend there! Well if your H ever pulls this bullshit and you come to Central Florida I'll rescue you and show you a good time!! Bottom line- since you have to go - take advantage of visiting a new place and enjoy the culture and the new experience! |
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 9, 2016 12:51:59 GMT -5
Why is it we marry people who only seem concerned with what we can do for them.....? And only see things from their point of view....? I agree, I cant talk to millenials about much... 30 somethings, sure, but under 30? We just don't see eye-to-eye or have much to talk about.... To answer your question: Givers and Takers We are givers, they are takers! They would have never married us if we were takers. They have the marriage they want! |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 13:50:01 GMT -5
bballgirl Glad his football party backfired on him and you wound up having all the fun. Wish I could tell him to go off to Europe alone, but its all set for me to tag along now. Zero consideration....yup. Feeling powerless to leave him at this point though. Well if I was in your shoes I would create an itinerary for France of things you would like to do. Maybe call a private tour guide company that can take you around to see the sites (request their most charming flirty tour guide). Does the hotel have a spa? Or is there one nearby? If the twenty year old wants to join you fine it not you are not her babysitter. Any casinos there? Shit maybe you'll make a new friend there! Well if your H ever pulls this bullshit and you come to Central Florida I'll rescue you and show you a good time!! Bottom line- since you have to go - take advantage of visiting a new place and enjoy the culture and the new experience! I honestly never thought of doing anything alone! The spa day sounds like something I can pull off. She will probably come with me but I know how most spas work. They will put us in separate rooms and I will get a nice quiet break! Casinos, private tours by hot men, spas...you are my kind of girl! I love all those things. I would love to hang out with you in Florida. Just need to find a continuing education class to give me a reason to fly down there. His company never sends him to florida for anything! I'm licensed to practice in Florida. I may never come back!!!  |
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Venting
Aug 9, 2016 14:19:37 GMT -5
Post by greatcoastal on Aug 9, 2016 14:19:37 GMT -5
You / we could learn a lot from the behavior of our controlling spouses. Don't know if it would do any good, since it is totally against our giving nature. Think of what a controlling wife would do? Use the word " NO" in every beginning of every sentence. Don't answer his fiery arguments. Change the subject, the moment he takes a breath. Point the finger back at him. Make up other plans, sons doctor appointments, son starting school, teacher meetings, your exhausted( all time favorite there) tell him out right, " I never said yes". Or " you never asked me, no, I'm not going" don't answer any of his why questions. At most tell him," you will manage, your a big boy."
Is your job still available for you where you used to live? It's sounding better and better for you!
Are you sure your husband didn't cause that injury to you?( wink). " couldn't resist that one!
Oh, and if your not home, when it's time to leave and catch that plane. If he can't contact you, because you were in a teachers meeting? My bet is he will board that plane. You will have stripped him off his arrogant power. A hard thing to do, I know it's not your nature. But like it or not you are fighting a serious life changing battle for you and your son. It's time to think like a warrior, not a servant.
Now it's time for me to call the banks and start shuffling money. Joy! I have to put on my big boy pants, pick up my armor and go into battle.
My tenant called last night, water is coming in the back porch. I cut ,and snaked out 6 "PVC pipes today, climbed ladders,cleaned gutters,and built a cinder block wall 24 ft long. While fixing dinner in the crock pot, and stopping to get my sons bus pass for tomorrow while sweating , and bleeding in the Florida heat. Now to call the bank. We can do this, it makes us strong. All just part of a satisfying day!
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 9, 2016 14:36:57 GMT -5
The next time he asks someone over the house in front of you, without asking you first think about how you would discipline a child. Since he is acting childish. " No, sorry friends, my husband needs to learn to discuss these things with me, first, personally." Take away his toys, embarrass him in front of his friends. My guess is he would probably explode. A great opportunity to tell him in front of his friends" you are acting very childish, and disrespectful! Take me home, now, please".
You would have to be very firm, and dis connect ,detach from him as much as possible. He will not change, but it will speed up the process.
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Venting
Aug 9, 2016 15:26:38 GMT -5
Post by greatcoastal on Aug 9, 2016 15:26:38 GMT -5
I feel compelled to ask this. Did you give him the impression that you are okay with him giving you Zero consideration?was this your behavior before marriage? Are you a very giving person,who thrives on helping others, than wonders were is the return? ( I'am guilty of that, and am more aware of it than ever before).
So, in his defense ( hate to do that, he's such a selfish jerk) was he always this way, and you agreed to it? Hoping for better, more intimate times? Hoping to be treated respectfully by being super nice to him? Is his behavior a big part of his culture?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 16:46:01 GMT -5
You / we could learn a lot from the behavior of our controlling spouses. Don't know if it would do any good, since it is totally against our giving nature. Think of what a controlling wife would do? Use the word " NO" in every beginning of every sentence. Don't answer his fiery arguments. Change the subject, the moment he takes a breath. Point the finger back at him. Make up other plans, sons doctor appointments, son starting school, teacher meetings, your exhausted( all time favorite there) tell him out right, " I never said yes". Or " you never asked me, no, I'm not going" don't answer any of his why questions. At most tell him," you will manage, your a big boy." Is your job still available for you where you used to live? It's sounding better and better for you! Are you sure your husband didn't cause that injury to you?( wink). " couldn't resist that one! Oh, and if your not home, when it's time to leave and catch that plane. If he can't contact you, because you were in a teachers meeting? My bet is he will board that plane. You will have stripped him off his arrogant power. A hard thing to do, I know it's not your nature. But like it or not you are fighting a serious life changing battle for you and your son. It's time to think like a warrior, not a servant. Now it's time for me to call the banks and start shuffling money. Joy! I have to put on my big boy pants, pick up my armor and go into battle. My tenant called last night, water is coming in the back porch. I cut ,and snaked out 6 "PVC pipes today, climbed ladders,cleaned gutters,and built a cinder block wall 24 ft long. While fixing dinner in the crock pot, and stopping to get my sons bus pass for tomorrow while sweating , and bleeding in the Florida heat. Now to call the bank. We can do this, it makes us strong. All just part of a satisfying day! As he was yelling at me after I got hurt, I blurt out...maybe I will go the ER and tell them you pushed me! I could never lie like that though. With my luck I'd get caught for making up the story. My old job is always available for me. My boss knows what an ass I married and keeps the door open for me. Of course my husband says I can't move my son to another state and that any court would make me find work near our current town. Except I'm not licensed in this state and will make certain that I fail every state exam I take so I can I can't get licensed here. He would board that plane without me in a heartbeat! I know him. Work comes first and always will. Sounds like you had a heck of a day! I'm sure she won't even thank you for any of it. Hopefully you were able to move funds around to your benefit! |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 16:47:52 GMT -5
The next time he asks someone over the house in front of you, without asking you first think about how you would discipline a child. Since he is acting childish. " No, sorry friends, my husband needs to learn to discuss these things with me, first, personally." Take away his toys, embarrass him in front of his friends. My guess is he would probably explode. A great opportunity to tell him in front of his friends" you are acting very childish, and disrespectful! Take me home, now, please". You would have to be very firm, and dis connect ,detach from him as much as possible. He will not change, but it will speed up the process. This would be so hard for me to pull off! I hate saying no and would make the other people feel like I don't like them. It's not their fault he has no consideration for me. I'm too nice, I know. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 16:49:37 GMT -5
I feel compelled to ask this. Did you give him the impression that you are okay with him giving you Zero consideration?was this your behavior before marriage? Are you a very giving person,who thrives on helping others, than wonders were is the return? ( I'am guilty of that, and am more aware of it than ever before). So, in his defense ( hate to do that, he's such a selfish jerk) was he always this way, and you agreed to it? Hoping for better, more intimate times? Hoping to be treated respectfully by being super nice to him? Is his behavior a big part of his culture? I am a very giving person and he is taking advantage of this. He really was a nice guy when I first met him. Or so I thought. Wondering if a lot of it was him putting on a show. He became an egotistical jerk as he grew older and gained more responsibility at work. It went right to his head! |
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 9, 2016 16:51:51 GMT -5
The next time he asks someone over the house in front of you, without asking you first think about how you would discipline a child. Since he is acting childish. " No, sorry friends, my husband needs to learn to discuss these things with me, first, personally." Take away his toys, embarrass him in front of his friends. My guess is he would probably explode. A great opportunity to tell him in front of his friends" you are acting very childish, and disrespectful! Take me home, now, please". You would have to be very firm, and dis connect ,detach from him as much as possible. He will not change, but it will speed up the process. This would be so hard for me to pull off! I hate saying no and would make the other people feel like I don't like them. It's not their fault he has no consideration for me. I'm too nice, I know. Yes I couldn't do that either BUT what I would say is: 1) so Mr. Anniec- what are you cooking good for all of us since you have decided to entertain all of us? 2) well I hope you all like takeout pizza because I'm not cooking and then laugh |
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