Post by deleted on Aug 5, 2016 11:01:27 GMT -5
Last night, the spouse goes into this funk right before bed. I should have seen this coming a mile away, but I didn't. So, I asked what was going on. She said that she can't make anyone happy. I asked if this was about us and she said it wasn't. I thought, "cool, I'm safe". I was wrong.
After opening up, she said that she is upset that she no longer satisfies me sexually. Keep In mind, we had just spent a weekend in Tahoe/Reno. We fooled around a bit, but I didn't achieve orgasm with her. She asked me if it was because she is fat. It's not. She asked if it was because of her extra-marital affair (that she dumped on me shortly before our first wedding anniversary). I told her it wasn't. She didn't believe me and threw some shit back in my face that I said when I decided I was no longer responsible for the decision she made to have her affair. (That's another story).
She wanted to understand the cause. I told her that I have a psychological issue about sex and have for quite some time. Considering that we rarely have sex, I have kind of accepted that our relationship no longer has a sexual component to it. It took me a while to get to that point, but I got there after a great deal of headache, heartache and medication after she told me that she longer thought about sex. I can't just turn my sexuality on and off when she decides that she thinks we should have sex. We have had sexual interactions four or five times in two years during which the inside of my head is filled with all sorts of unasked and unanswered questions. We talked some more.
She tried to manipulate the conversation back to her shortcomings as a human being. I told her that she isn't responsible for my happiness or lack of it. I also told her that we both should return to counseling. She felt that she got very little out of it.
She is upset with me because I don't like to do things with her. That means going to see country concerts and shows. I blew up off last night because I had a diverticulitis flare up. She sort of insinuating that I was faking it. I wasn't, but she didn't believe me.
She said that if I wanted a divorce, she wouldn't take half of the money. I told her the money wasn't important to me and I asked if a divorce was what she wanted. She said no. I said I didn't want it either.
The inside of my head is a very fucked up place. I have major trust issues. I always have. People tell me that I am an attractive person, but I've never believed it. When it comes to sex and being sexually attractive to anyone, my self confidence is completely shot to shit. I derive no pleasure from masturbation or watching porn. It just makes me angry and sort of resentful. She's the only person that expressed any interest in me sexually in my life and then she just turned it off.
I feel sorry for her. I really do.
Enough of this for now, I have to go to work.
After opening up, she said that she is upset that she no longer satisfies me sexually. Keep In mind, we had just spent a weekend in Tahoe/Reno. We fooled around a bit, but I didn't achieve orgasm with her. She asked me if it was because she is fat. It's not. She asked if it was because of her extra-marital affair (that she dumped on me shortly before our first wedding anniversary). I told her it wasn't. She didn't believe me and threw some shit back in my face that I said when I decided I was no longer responsible for the decision she made to have her affair. (That's another story).
She wanted to understand the cause. I told her that I have a psychological issue about sex and have for quite some time. Considering that we rarely have sex, I have kind of accepted that our relationship no longer has a sexual component to it. It took me a while to get to that point, but I got there after a great deal of headache, heartache and medication after she told me that she longer thought about sex. I can't just turn my sexuality on and off when she decides that she thinks we should have sex. We have had sexual interactions four or five times in two years during which the inside of my head is filled with all sorts of unasked and unanswered questions. We talked some more.
She tried to manipulate the conversation back to her shortcomings as a human being. I told her that she isn't responsible for my happiness or lack of it. I also told her that we both should return to counseling. She felt that she got very little out of it.
She is upset with me because I don't like to do things with her. That means going to see country concerts and shows. I blew up off last night because I had a diverticulitis flare up. She sort of insinuating that I was faking it. I wasn't, but she didn't believe me.
She said that if I wanted a divorce, she wouldn't take half of the money. I told her the money wasn't important to me and I asked if a divorce was what she wanted. She said no. I said I didn't want it either.
The inside of my head is a very fucked up place. I have major trust issues. I always have. People tell me that I am an attractive person, but I've never believed it. When it comes to sex and being sexually attractive to anyone, my self confidence is completely shot to shit. I derive no pleasure from masturbation or watching porn. It just makes me angry and sort of resentful. She's the only person that expressed any interest in me sexually in my life and then she just turned it off.
I feel sorry for her. I really do.
Enough of this for now, I have to go to work.
