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Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 15, 2016 14:51:11 GMT -5
I don't mean to be flippant or to come off as if I am making light of your pain, but to me it is all (and I mean everything proposed as a solution including psychotherapy) nonsense until it actually has value to you. If this is not making a positive contribution to your wellbeing, then "that which disturbs your soul you must not suffer."
It is one thing to invest in something that does not help you resolve your sexless marriage, but another thing entirely to take additional abuse as a result of your investment.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 14, 2016 20:38:35 GMT -5
May you all be blessed. In its own way, this may be the most utterly aching thread I have read here.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 12, 2016 22:41:22 GMT -5
One more for never, ever again ...
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Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 12, 2016 18:09:20 GMT -5
Twisted to say the least ...
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Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 12, 2016 17:51:14 GMT -5
Might as well be. As might I as well have been in my marriage. I considered the priesthood once upon a time. I thought I couldn't deal with the celibacy. The joke is on me. SaveSave
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Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 12, 2016 17:49:45 GMT -5
@roch649 , Exactly. Reality is different for each individual. There are no guarantees in life that we will find what we have been denied for so long. So many variables to consider. As I have written about in length here...I had terrible luck with women all my life... very late losing my virginity...very few dates....I don't do well with the dating world and have failed miserably....others ..many others have done better and have better lives....when have any dated 4 women in your life... and had very little sex...what do I have to look forward too?...loneliness, no sex, and half my stuff gone? I know exactly how you feel. Hence, here I am as well. SaveSave
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Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 12, 2016 17:48:59 GMT -5
I know that the issue is fear for me. I can only base my future experiences on what I know from my past. Realistically, I know that I don't know what my possibilities are. But I think that I am too tired to take a chance right now. I have a friend. I can walk away from my "marriage" in hopes of having a physical relationship in the future. If I do, I lose my friend. I deeply mourn the loss of my sexuality every moment. But I am not ready to surrender to the possibility of being lonely. If I could deal with the uncertainty, I might take the chance. But I am not willing to do so now. I understand that it is my choice, and that I have no right to complain. I am never a victim with this.
But it is really hard to live with the idea that I may never have a sexual relationship with another human being again in my life. I continually ask myself how I can live with that.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 5, 2016 21:52:19 GMT -5
Previous marriage, every year on my birthday. Seems a million years ago. Current marriage, never on my birthday. But why should my birthday be different than any other day.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 5, 2016 21:48:43 GMT -5
I think that the fact that you identify any "good" suggests that you accept and also have given up the resentment - or at least you have muted it to some degree. I don't envy you, but your endurance and apparent stability are admirable to me.
It is only recently, through a great deal of spiritual work, that I have also learned to let the resentment go. I am just south of 50 as well, with 20 years behind me with a partner that has no desire for me at all. She has never been attracted to me, and never will be. But, notwithstanding the fact that I only recently realized this, I know that she is what she is. Nothing more and nothing less. There is nothing I can do about that. I must accept her as she is, as long as I choose to stay. And choose to stay I do, at least until I am am willing to accept a life that is friendless and lonely as well as sexless.
I admit, however, that I will almost certainly reach a point someday that I will no longer be able to live with the emptiness of it all.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 1, 2016 15:37:27 GMT -5
I wish I knew what it is like to be a healthy normal person. I endure without sex. Not happily. Accepting that things will not change, I still do not move. I have chosen endless celibacy over complete loneliness. So it goes.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Apr 13, 2016 11:22:38 GMT -5
Controlling in extremis, narcissistic, and no interest and no drive. The perfect storm of emptiness.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Apr 13, 2016 11:20:34 GMT -5
"You could ask for it more often." That is absolutely magical.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Apr 13, 2016 10:57:33 GMT -5
Not to rock the boat in any way, but maybe we should consider alternative rewards for number of years of service ...
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Post by novembercomingfire on Apr 13, 2016 10:55:24 GMT -5
Novembercomingfire here. I am in the process of making the slow migration over to this site from our previous refuge.
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