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Post by wewbwb on Sept 11, 2016 7:34:57 GMT -5
I am new to this forum...not a former EP (cool that so many of you came over together though). I have been married to H for 20+ years (I am 49 and he is 52)and sexless for 9ish. The youngest just moved out and now it is just us. Maybe time to face this issue head on instead of always skirting around it. I really do not believe he is having an affair. I know alcohol has something to do with it but he will use any excuse. I almost wish he was having an affair but it is more like he is asexual now. And he makes me sound sex crazed and tells me how I just don't understand the pressures he is under. Although it has been awhile since that conversation because I grew tired of the rejection and so just don't try anymore. I just keep my sex crazed self on my side of the bed. I'm sorry. I know how that is. You found a safe place to rant and vent.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 11, 2016 6:29:56 GMT -5
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 10, 2016 20:19:45 GMT -5
Humor may help. Hello X, I was just thinking of the differences between you and my new vibrator. One of them is the vibrator will be in my life tomorrow. Unless I need a picture hung. Actually, I know a guy who do that for me. Bye.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 10, 2016 16:16:02 GMT -5
wewbwb - I'd suggest you listen to the requests, carefully transcribe them into "Her Wishlist" then make one for you - "My Sex Wishlist" - for every one thing she'll do for you from your list, you'll fix one thing around the house. I don't think it'll fly - just being a smartass. But in seriousness - the whole "gender-assigned work" is meaningless. I now live alone & I either have to figure it out or call the landlord's maintenance guy (or take the car to the shop, etc). Compared to how things were at my married house - doing all of the things myself, or knowing that I have not, or making my own list (of my OWN priorities) is f*cking cakewalk compared to every small thing the Ex would ask me. (hop up, get a drink, when you go into that kitchen, will you bring me my meds, can you empty the trash, that coffee pot is icky I think that's why it tasted off this morning, will you hold these two things will I put glue on them..... Sometimes he would interrupt me doing the last thing he just asked and add 2 or 3 more things in quick succession - I would STOP AND GLARE - and try through gritted teeth to explain that I can't do your next favor until I am done with THIS favor for you) Partners maybe are all irritating sometimes - but god, our Refuser "partners" are real PROs. I may ask you to hold something for me while I both my hands are full. Just saying...
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 10, 2016 15:15:58 GMT -5
Just so I'm clear about this. This isn't about gender roles. I can fix anything. Yes I know it sounds cocky but honestly, in the 30 years of repair, both home and at work, I haven't found the thing I cant repair. If I don't know how already, I'll learn how. And I am proud of the fact I can. So I don't mind doing it. I actually enjoy it. I do mind not knowing I was supposed to fix it and then finding out she mad because I didn't fix it.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 10, 2016 9:37:45 GMT -5
I do it to avoid conflict and frankly, honestly, I am SUPPOSED to do this stuff.
Doing it doesn't bother me. It's the reaction I get if I forget to do it and that I am not getting the "tools" (hehe) I need to make sure that I don't forget.
Side note: I have to say her writing on it "Hang the white board" - that's actually pretty funny.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 10, 2016 9:09:44 GMT -5
Dunno if this helps, but it works for me / us. I have a good memory, present me with 3 tasks (or things to pick up at the shops) and I go just fine. But that's my limit. If there are 4 things, I will most likely miss one. - So I put up a whiteboard, and as things need doing, I put it on the whiteboard. ME. "I" put it on the whiteboard. - Example, on the whiteboard as we speak are 5 things. Sun 2pm BBQ at Hirds. Sunday -Put bins out Monday - get firewood Monday - return Rustys trailer Monday - Pick up bike. - And there are 3 other notes by Enna who tends to use the whiteboard too. - It works just fine in this household. - But I figure your story really has fuck all to do with memory capabilities, and a whole lot more about your frustration in being in (what ought to be) a partnership, but is not a partnership. Where simple things are complicated. Where easy things are hard. Where hard things are impossible. - Back in the day, I was in a deal like that. Getting out of it worked a treat for me. - But if your story really IS, about a "list", then my above suggestion about the whiteboard is what I'd recommend. It is ME who has the faulty memory, so I figure it is ME who needs to take responsibility for that, and therefore it is ME who needs to write my own list (whiteboard). (You never took the bins back in. Just saying) "I" can put anything I want on the board. The board isn't about me. It's about what she wants done.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 10, 2016 9:07:19 GMT -5
She is being completely unreasonable. If she can make a rule that she won't make a list, you can make a rule not to fix anything that's not written down. Or if the repair needs to be done for your own benefit, you could make yourself a list in your phone, everytime she asks immediately enter it into the phone if you don't want to do the chore in the middle of dinner (this assumes you're like lots of people whose phone is faithfully carried everywhere). Actually, until recently it wasn't. I used to turn it off as I entered the house. Now? Not so much. Also - I'm not big on "rules" - I'm big on "communication" If I don't know you need help, or if I'm doing something wrong, it can't be fixed.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 10, 2016 7:32:47 GMT -5
wewbwb don't you ever sleep? Honey-Do list?? Are you effing crazy? Every man will be on this post complaining until next Tuesday! I hate when I forget to hit send, because I forgot. Need to make a list. Dooooh! Meh! Do I sleep? No. No I don't. complaining until next Tuesday! You should abbreviate that.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 10, 2016 6:50:31 GMT -5
I forget things. I can't even remember how many things I've forgotten. Anyway, I asked the Frigidaire to make a list and put it on the, um, OTHER refrigerator. She told me " No, you should remember. I don't want to have to nag you." I tried to explain that if she puts it on the list, she's not nagging and if I'm asking her to make the list in the first place, she not nagging. Trying to remember that a cabinet door that I rarely use is loose, is sometimes is difficult for me to do. So I would appreciate the list. The same way I have a list for grocery shopping. " No" So I got into the habit of this: As soon as she tells me about it, I take care of it. Apparently that's the wrong answer also. " I didn't mean right now." Right. I know you didn't. But I'd rather do it now, so it doesn't get forgotten. " Why do you feel you need to do it now?" Because I might forget about it and I don't want to. " But you can finish eating first." Really. I know I can. Or you can make a list. Just like you do with the movies you want to see and things you want to remember. A (screaming in my head - mother- f-ing ) list. But since that's not going to happen, I'd rather see why the AC unit cover is rattling. Did you take off the front cover? " It came off as I was cleaning it." Okay, I see that you tried to put it back on and the tabs weren't aligned and now they are broken. That's why it rattles. " Fine, I broke it. I'll buy another one." Or I can fold this this piece of paper, which would make an excellent place to put a list, just saying, and wedge it right.... about ..... there, and the rattle will stop. " Whatever. It was annoying me."
Is it me? Am I missing something big?
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 9, 2016 21:25:18 GMT -5
deleted I hope I never know how the 10 year mark feels, and I am so sorry that you do. And I also apologize if my levity did not achieve what I intended. Best Regards Thank you. My comments weren't aimed at you. Thanks was aimed at webwb and any bitterness was directed at people who aren't even on ILIASM. I apologize if it seemed it was aimed at you. Helen, aim whatever you'd like at me.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 9, 2016 18:47:08 GMT -5
I respectfully agree to disagree wewbwb and I would like to have other input on the subject. A defining moment. We are establishing a government.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 9, 2016 18:12:16 GMT -5
Yes, I'm familiar with it, and the limitations. My point is that I would like a real woman and a real connection, and if we want to have bleacher sex, we will. There is no reason for holograms.
Besides, the last thing I would ever want is me at 18 in 2016. The times have changed. I'd be in jail.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 9, 2016 17:18:36 GMT -5
The absolute LAST thing in the world I want is a holodeck. I mean, I have an internet connection and a fleshlight. Isn't that basically the same thing? Yes, it is. I want a woman. Not a servant. I want am opinion, a strength, difference. I want to fight, love, grow old, and support a real woman. @wingman "Or lets say their fantasy is to do it under the bleachers during their homecoming high school football game?" - So I take her to a football game. (and I'm sorry - I don't want a "barely legal" no offense to those who do - it's just that I have absolutely nothing in common with them. I like women. Not "girls")
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 9, 2016 16:38:38 GMT -5
Which of you gets credit?? The absolute LAST thing in the world I want is a holodeck.
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