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Post by lonelywifedeeanna on Apr 19, 2024 13:17:14 GMT -5
In the last 6 months I have been treating myself well- eating clean, exercising, sleeping well, taking more care with my hair/make up/clothing/perfume. I have drastically improved myself physically as well as mentally with all the self care. Before I was sort of stuck in a depressive/self-neglect phase where I had resigned myself to my situation.
Hoever, now, I absolutely burn with jealousy over other women & that is NOT me- I see these much younger more beautiful women & I see my husband ogling them and he doesn’t even notice me at all. It makes me SO angry, sad, hopeless…
Maybe it’s because I thought ‘… surely if I look like THIS…he won’t be able to ignore me physically…’ but he can and he does. Since my changes he hasn’t said even once ‘you look great/beautiful’ or that he is proud of me.
It’s such a mind f k of feeling ‘not good enough’ 😓
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 19, 2024 15:36:00 GMT -5
Lonelywife: I did that long before I divorced. I worked out 2 hours a day. I lost 35 pounds. I looked terrific. My husband never commented.
You have to accept that your husband is NEVER going to give you the positive feedback/reactions you want. It's not you. It's him. You can't get love from a stone.
Once you let go of the belief that you can change him, once you accept who he is, you'll be able to let go of a marriage that will never be what you want.
Along the way to getting there, it will help to surround yourself with people who boost you and appreciate you for being the wonderful you whom you are.
I found lovingkindness meditation (look it up. You can find free audios) in which I first give loving affirmations to myself was very helpful in my learning to love and welcome myself.
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 331
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Post by m76 on Apr 19, 2024 16:47:22 GMT -5
In the last 6 months I have been treating myself well- eating clean, exercising, sleeping well, taking more care with my hair/make up/clothing/perfume. I have drastically improved myself physically as well as mentally with all the self care. Before I was sort of stuck in a depressive/self-neglect phase where I had resigned myself to my situation. Hoever, now, I absolutely burn with jealousy over other women & that is NOT me- I see these much younger more beautiful women & I see my husband ogling them and he doesn’t even notice me at all. It makes me SO angry, sad, hopeless… Maybe it’s because I thought ‘… surely if I look like THIS…he won’t be able to ignore me physically…’ but he can and he does. Since my changes he hasn’t said even once ‘you look great/beautiful’ or that he is proud of me. It’s such a mind f k of feeling ‘not good enough’ 😓 From my side as a man, yes I enjoy the female form. But .... my wife, even after babies, stretch marks, extra weight, no makeup and granny panties was always the most attractive woman to me. Most men are visually stimulated and yes I can appreciate the young hot women on tick tock, but I only ever wanted to sleep with the one that I thought loved me. If your man loves you, it doesn't take all the extra effort like perfume and sexy lingerie to seduce them. I think women do that more so to feel sexy and get themselves in the mood then for the men to be turned on. My wife in her baggy sweats could seduce me just by a touch if she wanted.
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 19, 2024 17:09:12 GMT -5
FWIW my ex refuser didn't compliment me or f me when I was young and at the height of my attractiveness. I'm now 72. I have c section scars, stress marks, and extra pounds. My post SM lover thinks I'm beautiful and have a beautiful body, However, my self esteem isn't based on his opinion of me. Words of affirmation is one of my major love languages. I now know that a partner who doesn't offer such words to me is not the right person for me to be with,
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lr79
New Member
Posts: 12
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Post by lr79 on Apr 20, 2024 3:46:07 GMT -5
In the last 6 months I have been treating myself well- eating clean, exercising, sleeping well, taking more care with my hair/make up/clothing/perfume. I have drastically improved myself physically as well as mentally with all the self care. Before I was sort of stuck in a depressive/self-neglect phase where I had resigned myself to my situation. Hoever, now, I absolutely burn with jealousy over other women & that is NOT me- I see these much younger more beautiful women & I see my husband ogling them and he doesn’t even notice me at all. It makes me SO angry, sad, hopeless… Maybe it’s because I thought ‘… surely if I look like THIS…he won’t be able to ignore me physically…’ but he can and he does. Since my changes he hasn’t said even once ‘you look great/beautiful’ or that he is proud of me. It’s such a mind f k of feeling ‘not good enough’ 😓 To be honest I can relate to this as I am jealous because my wife doesn't do any of this, and have plenty of friends or work colleagues who do this yet because they are spoken for and so am I am stuck in a marriage that's been sexless since july 2021....and at nearly 45 have given up ever finding anyone else before I try keep having a nightmare scenario where I've tried a speed dating night (which would be way out my comfort zone) and found in the results after that no one liked or was interested in me so I get the being jealous and hating it thing its not nice hope things get better for you in future
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diode
Junior Member
Posts: 55
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Post by diode on Apr 20, 2024 21:12:49 GMT -5
In the last 6 months I have been treating myself well- eating clean, exercising, sleeping well, taking more care with my hair/make up/clothing/perfume. I have drastically improved myself physically as well as mentally with all the self care. Before I was sort of stuck in a depressive/self-neglect phase where I had resigned myself to my situation. Hoever, now, I absolutely burn with jealousy over other women & that is NOT me- I see these much younger more beautiful women & I see my husband ogling them and he doesn’t even notice me at all. It makes me SO angry, sad, hopeless… Maybe it’s because I thought ‘… surely if I look like THIS…he won’t be able to ignore me physically…’ but he can and he does. Since my changes he hasn’t said even once ‘you look great/beautiful’ or that he is proud of me. It’s such a mind f k of feeling ‘not good enough’ 😓 Your body has nothing to do with this issue; it's his brain (the biggest sex organ that the human body has to offer) that is the problem. You, like many of us, are powerless to remake the 1.5 kg of miswired intracranial gonad of another person. So, your choices are, rewire your 1.5 kg intracranial gonad so as to tolerate his miswired one. Or, go be an amazing you. I know which of those alternatives I favor.
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Post by ironhamster on Apr 27, 2024 9:59:49 GMT -5
lonelywifedeeanna, welcome to the forum. My experience is on par with all the other responses. I was attracted to my wife through all of it, but without regard to what I was, it was never what she was attracted to. You are doing it right. Improve yourself. Improve your self esteem. But, don't do it for him. Do it for you. And, if he doesn't appreciate you, someone else will.
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