Looking back, I married in desperation
Oct 15, 2021 14:22:40 GMT -5
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Post by heelots on Oct 15, 2021 14:22:40 GMT -5
After having 23 years to reflect, I have decided that I married in desperation. I never saw myself as a ladies man, and by my mid 30's was concerned that I was running out of time to find a mate to have children with. Most women my age were either done having kids, or determined to have none. I always wanted both a wife, and biologic children. I never had qualms about adopting any children potential mates might have in tow, but I was sure I wanted one or two carrying my DNA. My then Gf was 29 with one 5Yo girl and not opposed to adding more to the mix. Prior to the marriage, I ignored all the signs, though they were readily there and easily noticed for any man not in desperation mode as I was. The red flags were many, and serious, my desperation literally blinded me too them and I suppose in my mind I either minimized, or dismissed them completely which as the years went by, and in reflection,absolutely astonishes me that I stubbornly persisted in this quest that ultimately resulted in this imprisonment of my own creation. Following, I will detail all of the red flags that should have sent me running.
1) General warmth: W from the start was not what one would call a warm person, friendly for sure, warm, not in the least.
2) Demonstrative: The little things that both men and women alike do absentmindedly when they are in love. One might reach over and scratch the others back when sitting next to each other, or perhaps touch their mates shoulder or something else seemingly insignificant, but often, especially when first dating.
3) Sometimes, but not necessarily always initiate affection, cuddling on couch or other such things. Attempt to hold your hand when out and about.
4) make an effort to kiss you when you leave.
5) Perhaps even offer a back rub that should be reciprocated from time to time.
The above are some examples, I suppose I could produce more, but they should give the basics of it. The best way I could describe my wife, and sadly, it is not entirely her fault, but just I think her makeup as a person, beyond her control, it is just not in her. W is like a friendly neighbor. W will do anything for a friend, but that is about the limit of her abilities. W has 3 sisters, all three quite stunning in appearance, but I suspect, equally incapable of expressing true real affection and love for a mate. Each, i suspect, aloof, rigid, and possibly as frigid as my W if I was guessing. Two of her 3 sisters are now divorced, one finding solace in the bottle, yet physically beautiful. The second only recently divorced so who knows what will happen with her, stunning looks, should easily find some poor slob to fall victim to drag into her icy castle. The youngest sister I am sure keeps her poor shoe salesman husband (seriously) trapped in a sexless marriage and scrambling like a rat in a wheel to make ends meet paying for their fancy home and late model cars. I believe this because years ago at a family gathering I overheard her sharing with her sisters just how little nookie her poor slob ever got around their house. That was quite telling, i doubt that changed
So you see, not the wife's fault. I slapped on my blinders and persisted in continuing down the wrong path. I had a guy feeling I was making a mistake and I was too damned stubborn, desperate, and ignorant to trust my gut and bail prior to marriage. Even the honeymoon and the months immediately following were riddled with all of the indications a reasonable person would have needed. I stubbornly persisted in my thoughts that our obstacles could be overcome and fixed. Sadly, every single obstacle that was there during our first months of marraige remained, and most just got bigger, eventually totally swallowing our relationship leaving me where I am today.
1) General warmth: W from the start was not what one would call a warm person, friendly for sure, warm, not in the least.
2) Demonstrative: The little things that both men and women alike do absentmindedly when they are in love. One might reach over and scratch the others back when sitting next to each other, or perhaps touch their mates shoulder or something else seemingly insignificant, but often, especially when first dating.
3) Sometimes, but not necessarily always initiate affection, cuddling on couch or other such things. Attempt to hold your hand when out and about.
4) make an effort to kiss you when you leave.
5) Perhaps even offer a back rub that should be reciprocated from time to time.
The above are some examples, I suppose I could produce more, but they should give the basics of it. The best way I could describe my wife, and sadly, it is not entirely her fault, but just I think her makeup as a person, beyond her control, it is just not in her. W is like a friendly neighbor. W will do anything for a friend, but that is about the limit of her abilities. W has 3 sisters, all three quite stunning in appearance, but I suspect, equally incapable of expressing true real affection and love for a mate. Each, i suspect, aloof, rigid, and possibly as frigid as my W if I was guessing. Two of her 3 sisters are now divorced, one finding solace in the bottle, yet physically beautiful. The second only recently divorced so who knows what will happen with her, stunning looks, should easily find some poor slob to fall victim to drag into her icy castle. The youngest sister I am sure keeps her poor shoe salesman husband (seriously) trapped in a sexless marriage and scrambling like a rat in a wheel to make ends meet paying for their fancy home and late model cars. I believe this because years ago at a family gathering I overheard her sharing with her sisters just how little nookie her poor slob ever got around their house. That was quite telling, i doubt that changed
So you see, not the wife's fault. I slapped on my blinders and persisted in continuing down the wrong path. I had a guy feeling I was making a mistake and I was too damned stubborn, desperate, and ignorant to trust my gut and bail prior to marriage. Even the honeymoon and the months immediately following were riddled with all of the indications a reasonable person would have needed. I stubbornly persisted in my thoughts that our obstacles could be overcome and fixed. Sadly, every single obstacle that was there during our first months of marraige remained, and most just got bigger, eventually totally swallowing our relationship leaving me where I am today.