|
Post by hopingforachange on Apr 5, 2020 1:29:19 GMT -5
shamwow good luck, I hope everything turns out ok. Most people don't want to hear this but a rental minivan is going to be the best cannon ball run car. They have massive amount of room for everyone to be comfortable and they ride nice, so they won't bump him around. Plus if it's your only private area for a few days while he's recovering in DC, drop the seats into the floor and there's plenty of space with tinted windows.
|
|
|
Post by lessingham on Apr 5, 2020 3:52:54 GMT -5
Fortune favours the bold. May your Cannonball run end in marvellous success
|
|
|
Post by ScottDinTN on Apr 5, 2020 6:39:25 GMT -5
I was laid off from work on Friday. I can't say it was a big surprise. My company had been struggling even before the economic down turn. I honestly think they will go under.
I'm taking it well. I've decided to use this opportunity to start my own business. I won't be able to start it full steam until the lock down is over. Probably for the best for now since I have two risk factors for Covid. At least now I can stay home.
Would be more fun if I had a women to spend the time with that I could be close to but that's not anything new. My wife has actually been supportive so far in me starting my business which has been shocking to me. She got a new position at work a few months back with a good raise so it's good timing financially for us. Really hoping it takes off so all this works out for the best.
|
|
|
Post by baza on Apr 5, 2020 19:49:04 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Apr 15, 2020 7:12:08 GMT -5
Quick update. We got across the country safe and sound via a mostly deserted plane. The surgery appears to be a success. Thre drive back was pretty normal with the exception of a big storm and having to avoid certain states due to quarantine requirements and hotel closures. Everyone is safe back at home and the siz of us are settling back in until this thing is over. J will need to begin systemic treatment in 6-8 weeks, but we are familiar with that process at least. All in all, it was the best outcome we could have hoped for.
|
|
|
Post by Apocrypha on Apr 16, 2020 11:50:10 GMT -5
It's not often that healthy, non-injured people in non-dangerous jobs are able to clearly consider their mortality, or that of those very close to them, with their most basic routines and necessities (such as food) disrupted.
If people are trapped in a marriage with someone they don't want to have sex with, or trapped in a marriage with someone who doesn't see them as a sexual partner, I would imagine the normal excuses about "having other things to do" might be harder to maintain. It would put both parties in a situation that's harder to lie about. It might put both of them in a place where they might consider whether they really want this to be the norm for the rest of their lives.
|
|
|
Post by jamesbonding on Apr 24, 2020 4:41:12 GMT -5
Before the stay at home orders, we were having sex about once a week. Not as often as I'd like, but tolerable. After the orders, I started working from home, then a few days later lost my job. Meanwhile, my wife continues to work outside our home at an "essential" job. When the stay at home orders came out, my wife suggested we practice social distancing, including sleeping in different rooms and no sex. While it wouldn't have occurred to me to suggest that, I did, and do, agree that it's a good idea. COVID-19 can be really nasty for some people, so I'd rather not take unnecessary risks. Since then, one person at her company got COVID, and another coworker in her department had a family member with COVID.
With no sex likely in the near future, my libido has dropped to near zero. I don't even think about sex very much. (I'm here mainly due to boredom, not due to angst.) I expect my libido will return when sex appears to be safe again.
|
|
|
Post by mirrororchid on Apr 24, 2020 5:57:08 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by workingonit on May 3, 2020 20:10:52 GMT -5
To answer the original question: both for me.
The good: I have both my boys home, which was unexpected. I honestly did not think the 4 of us would live together again. It is surprisingly amazing. We have been spending lots of time together, playing games, laughing, eating together when I am home. There is a way that I am so grateful for this time. I see it as an unexpected gift before this family unit changes with divorce and my boys shifting toward adult living. There has even been some improvement between my h and my youngest son (very very modest improvement).
The bad: I have lost some ground in selling the house, which is key for us to live separately. Everything is just stalled. I hate the uncertainty of the timing. Also, as my friend pointed out, for sure my h is back pedaling on everything. He is feeling like things are really good between us. He is also, I am sure, very happy to have a reason to not ever touch me or even come near me! Social distancing is his specialty! I do try to make comments on a regular basis (like keeping delivery boxes "because we are moving" and calculating costs of sprucing up the front landscaping "so we can get the house on the market.")
Anyway, I am very grateful to be a nurse practitioner and still working daily. I did not even get to miss a day! At first I was jealous of everyone with their quarantine stories. Now I see my family and friends losing their every loving minds and I am so glad I have still been in routine.
|
|
|
Post by bozodeclowne on May 4, 2020 9:28:30 GMT -5
I have an older female relative that has always been a master at playing the martyr, laying down guilt trips, making everything about her, etc. I wonder if this situation is heaven or hell for a person like that? There is that legitimate separation and loneliness that elderly people are feeling right now, but in times like these you don't have to look too far to find those who have it much worse. My wife and I were discussing the latest guilt trip and she was saying how she really wants to respond to this person to explain how "it's not really all about you", in a logical fashion. I told her it was a waste of time. This relative is 80, and expecting her to suddenly have an epiphany and start seeing things from others' perspectives is not realistic. Hmmm. Because I'm a super-genius , the very next line out of my mouth was "That is why I don't attempt to argue logically with you about our situation". Whoops! Ah well, the next 15 minutes were at least entertaining. As to the original question, the pandemic will have no positive effect on our SM. We are talking more, but not making any actual progress. I no longer believe that is possible anyway. Personally, I'm aware that I'm going slowly insane. I go to the office every day, but no one else is there and it is deathly quiet. It's like the twilight zone. Two weeks ago I finally couldn't take it anymore and repaired the leaky break room faucet that has dripped once every 3 seconds for the last 9 years!
|
|
|
Post by jim44444 on May 11, 2020 11:48:23 GMT -5
Does anybody think the virus will have an effect on our situations good or bad? Nope. Why would the virus change anything? If our spouse did not want us before they will not want us now. Same shit, different day. I will take the morbid route that has been ignored. Our situations will change if one of us dies from the virus. That would immediately resolve the SM. Stay well friends.
|
|
|
Post by mesulina on May 11, 2020 19:15:52 GMT -5
This will throw you together or pull you apart. My h is impotent because of his alcoholism and he smokes. We do have contempt for each other and with me working at home and him drinking because he lost his job because if covid...not the best situation. So glad I found this site. He is so emotionally mean to me I feel like an abused dog. Sometimes we do get along and it is very good. It is too bad that I cannot think of one redeming quality for him. Well, he is funny because he is a man-child. I guess that is about it.
|
|
|
Post by Apocrypha on May 12, 2020 8:43:43 GMT -5
Does anybody think the virus will have an effect on our situations good or bad? Nope. Why would the virus change anything? If our spouse did not want us before they will not want us now. Same shit, different day. With concern, I read that the only possible hypothetical change to one's situation could come from whether or not the averse spouse changes his/her mind to rejoin or create a marriage. It's as if the abandoned spouse is sitting in the passenger seat of a car that's run out of gas and stalled on a train track, waiting. Ah well. Nothing to be done. Is "the situation" really only up to the spouse who isn't into you?
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on May 12, 2020 9:11:08 GMT -5
Mesulina; “ We do have contempt for each other and with me working at home and him drinking because he lost his job because if covid...not the best situation”
According to John Gottman, a top researcher of marriages, when contempt enters a marriage, divorce is likely within 5 years. When I read that, I felt contempt for my refuser, but had no plans to divorce. Three years later, we had divorced at my initiation.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on May 12, 2020 9:25:47 GMT -5
Nope. Why would the virus change anything? If our spouse did not want us before they will not want us now. Same shit, different day. With concern, I read that the only possible hypothetical change to one's situation could come from whether or not the averse spouse changes his/her mind to rejoin or create a marriage. It's as if the abandoned spouse is sitting in the passenger seat of a car that's run out of gas and stalled on a train track, waiting. Ah well. Nothing to be done. Is "the situation" really only up to the spouse who isn't into you? This is really a good analogy in observing a SM from outside. There are situations where it is nearly impossible to do much other than stay. I feel sorry for those people who find themselves forced into this situation. But when you are in the actively choose to stay camp and you have decided that your current deal is preferable to the risk of venturing out into a new or different life, passenger is probably a good description. For many being in the passenger's seat aptly describes their role, as the decision being made is to patiently allow the refusing spouse to drive the relationship to the destination of their (refuser) choice.
|
|