Two years ago, the following were the first 10 members to join ILIASM and make at least one posting. This is the 16th example done, all compiled under the same criteria. Idea is to see 2 years down the track, where people are now in December 2019 (if known) Whether they have stayed, or left, and in particular, any examples of where a turnaround has happened.
Anyway, here's the results for this sample, the first 10 to join in December 2017.
idgaf96 - last post November 2019 - staying adeptlinguist - last post December 2017 - inactive ladytjb - last post December 2017 - inactive jag2020 - last post December 2017 - inactive rubyslippers - last post December 2017 - inactive @ancinitas - last post December 2017 - inactive jetcity - last post December 2017 - inactive jan70 - last post December 2017 - inactive hattie - last post December 2017 - inactive stilldepressed - last post December 2017 - inactive
9 dumped their story here then have not been heard from since. So we have no idea what's happened to them. 1 has stayed in their ILIASM deal 0 have left 0 claims to have had a turnaround.
There is something of interest in this sample. There are usually 5 or 6 out of 10 that dump their story and piss off never to be seen again. There's 9 in this lot. There are usually 2 or 3 out of 10 that are staying. There's only one in this sample. There are usually 2 or 3 out of 10 that have left. None in this sample There are usually 0 out of 10 claiming a turnaround. Same in this lot.
Not as simple as staying. Divorce was filed and it was so hard. I can not even really express how hard it was for my 12 year old daughter. So many fights and tears. We agreed to stay for the kids for now. We have a dont ask dont tell in place and there is no intimacy or sex. We are living separate lives together. He knows I have a boyfriend and that I see him regularly and never complains or harasses me anymore. We do parent things with the kids and show up at family functions other than that I try to be gone when he is home as long as it doesnt affect my kids time wise.
baza maybe we need to offer free toasters or other gifts to people who stick around and post continuously! We're losing the drop-ins. 😔
idgaf96 it sounds like you basically have an open marriage now. Kinda sorta. It's open so long as nobody says anything, I guess. Honestly, that doesn't sound entirely bad. If you can maintain this way till the kid gets older, maybe it will be easier to leave.
Please forgive any typos or poor sentence structure. As I often say, you can have it perfect or you can have it now. Here, I choose now.
saarinista I actually started off doing these "Joined Two years ago" samples to try and get a handle on the level of ILIASM deals claimed to have "Turned-around". That, has proved to be problematic. They are very few and far between.
As ever saarinista, I have a theory about what you call "the drop ins".
We know that 2 out of 10 new members leave their ILIASM deals after about 2 years of joining this group. And we know that 2 out of 10 members are still in their ILIASM deals after 2 years of joining this group. So we know what tends to happen to 4 of them. What we don't know is what those other 6 people (the drop ins) who go radio silent after their first post) end up doing.
My theory is this .... That those six drop ins are very likely to have outcomes just like those four where we DO know what happened. On that basis, I speculate that of those 6 drop ins, 3 leave and 3 stay.
That extrapolates out over the full ten as - - about 5 out of ten people leave their ILIASM deals - and about 5 out of ten remain in their ILIASM deals
Love your idea about bribing the "drop-ins" with toasters to induce them to update what they ended up doing !!
baza, my opinion about the "drop-ins" is they hit a low spot, post and then things don't get better but the "drop-in's" emotional pain lessens and most continue to stay married but somewhat more detached.
I have noticed in myself, periods of feeling like marriage sucks and than after a week or so just detaching a little more and going on with life. After all, many things in life are a series of ups and downs. When life is in the "down phase" I think that is when people post the most.
My guess (based on no data whatsoever) is that the drop in and disappear posters created their post at a particularly emotional time and needed to vent. After reading replies to their posts, they either realize that maybe their deal isn't as bad as it seemed to them at first and decided to quit complaining, OR they realized their deal was as bad as everyone else's but weren't ready to dig into it yet, preferring to stick their heads in the sand and ignore the facts instead. My bet is that very few of the one time posters have left. Maybe I'm way off though.
Edit: As to the fluctuations throughout the year, I suspect that the holidays bring some of those emotions to the surface so that could cause an uptick in spontaneous new posts with no follow up. (Again, with no data whatsoever to support the claim.)
Post by ironhamster on Dec 7, 2019 17:29:47 GMT -5
In my first posts, I was still looking for solutions, but on my last leg of hope and knowing it was about to give out. I do not know what my response would have been immediately if I had started looking here at the beginning of my marriage, but, I believe that it would have given me perspective that eventually would have sunk in.
I suspect the one shot posters stay for a while but learn to leave faster than they would if we were not here.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
solodriver: Thanks warmways
Oct 30, 2019 23:36:15 GMT -5
RealMustangGuy: When using a member's username in a post, how does one get it to be in different color and work as a link? I can type in the name but after posting it doesn't look the same as when others use member's usernames in their posts.
Nov 2, 2019 11:37:25 GMT -5
bfar: Just stumbled on this article:https://masculinebydesign.com/sexless-marriage-is-symptomatic-of-emasculated-husbands/ was more than a little disconcerting. Are we digging ourselves further in the hole by trying to be all enlightened and sensitive?
Nov 3, 2019 13:46:42 GMT -5
petrushka: Mate, what's the alternative to all enlightened and sensitive here? Rape? Coercion? Sexual assault? Thanks, but I can do better than being a complete arsehole (or psychopath for that matter).
Nov 3, 2019 21:11:53 GMT -5
bfar: Petrushka... I'm just wondering if we shot ourselves in the foot, as it were, by giving giving up on our strength, and giving in to the feminist agenda of making men irrelevant.
Nov 5, 2019 11:30:21 GMT -5
petrushka: Sorry, I don't buy into that at all. I'm not giving up anything. I've been into the "feminist agenda" for nearly 60 years. Having an empowered partner empowers me. I want strong women around me who take responsibility for themselves and who can face me
Nov 5, 2019 17:20:16 GMT -5
petrushka: I see 'strong men', and controlling bullies, as basically weak, lacking confidence and self esteem -- hence they think they need to assert themselves that way. I loathe patriarchy as much as matriarchy. Partners should be equals.
Nov 5, 2019 17:24:43 GMT -5
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5
worksforme2: You know who I miss ...I miss smartkat and andie..and snowman 12345
Nov 14, 2019 9:16:44 GMT -5