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Post by ScottDinTN on Oct 20, 2019 10:59:27 GMT -5
Most times when I hear sermons on sex and marriage in church, they tend to ignore certain scriptures about fullfiling the sexual needs of your spouse. My pastor has mentioned not neglecting your spouse in passing before, but I was pleased today that he put an emphasis on it in part of the message. Heres just a few of his comments:
- You are to fulfill your spouses’s sexual needs. - Your body belongs to them and theirs belongs to you. - Never say no to your spouse. If you have a legitimate reason, reschedule rather than reject. - Don't have headaches every night. - Don’t stop seducing your spouse. Take a shower, put on some sexy clothes, use some calogne or perfume, etc.
I thought he hit the nail on the head! Way to go!
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 20, 2019 11:19:33 GMT -5
Sadly a refuser has' selective' hearing.
That 'sunday mask' that they wear, covers the ears ( and the brain) too!
However ,YOU can keep such truths as a an arrow in your quiver, for hopefully FUTURE use ,and reference when the time comes to give and receive with someone else.
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Post by Handy on Oct 20, 2019 16:54:43 GMT -5
ScottDinTN - You are to fulfill your spouses’s sexual needs. - Your body belongs to them and theirs belongs to you. - Never say no to your spouse. If you have a legitimate reason, reschedule rather than reject. - Don't have headaches every night. - Don’t stop seducing your spouse. Take a shower, put on some sexy clothes, use some calogne or perfume, etc. That sounds good on paper or in theory but if you are the LD spouse and sex grosses him or her out, then the common thing that happens is dead-fish sex and that type of sex is likely to still happen at a low frequency. Add in the common feeling the HD partner has about unenthusiastic sex and the sex is sometimes not worth pursuing. My point is anyone can be right on paper but that doesn't translate to working out in real life. There is the common fact promoted by David Schnarch "Passionate Marriage" that the LD person mostly controls what is going to happen sex wise. Add in the restrictions each partner has and doesn't want to do sexually results in what is left over that both partners are willing to do and how often. It is my opinion the sex sermons only work for people that like sex. What would be a benefit for low sex couples would be a talk about what is called "what is left over sex." Left over sex is what both people are willing to do after they list what they will not or don't want to do sexually. OK, I have a proposal. Elect me dictator of the USA and I will get this particular job in the mill and will have churches mandated as a sermon/lecture in 90 days. :slightly evil humorous grin:
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Post by ScottDinTN on Oct 20, 2019 17:14:57 GMT -5
My point in the post was that I was glad to see it addressed in church. Not that it would solve the problem. Most churches never mention neglect in the bedroom.
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Post by Handy on Oct 20, 2019 17:18:54 GMT -5
I think I heard a sex positive sermon about every other year when I attended church services. It also depended on how inhibited the church leaders and congregation were.
At the time the sex positive sermon gave me hope but now I am in the why wish for something. Not getting it mostly causes more disappointments.
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Post by baza on Oct 20, 2019 19:36:13 GMT -5
Dang.
The atheists get marginalised again.
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Post by deadzone75 on Oct 20, 2019 23:07:58 GMT -5
They had their fingers crosses when they said their vows.
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Post by lessingham on Oct 21, 2019 4:47:40 GMT -5
Works all the way up to her reposte, "what you going to do, force me?"
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Post by h on Oct 22, 2019 15:43:18 GMT -5
This was my biggest gripe with churches I have attended. There was never ANY discussion of sex. Even the pastor who married us never said a word about it. I think that this kind of sermon does nothing for those already in a SM. This kind of thing could however, prevent someone from getting married if the expectation of sex is clearly communicated BEFORE they get engaged.
I think that if my W heard this now, she would uncomfortably ignore it. If sex was talked about more openly when we were younger, we likely wouldn't have gotten married at all. This is why I don't go to a church anymore. No point now.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2019 12:18:07 GMT -5
I've heard this argument before and I can't imagine any refuser suddenly thinking, "Oh, I never thought of it like that. Let's have more sex!"
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Post by csl on Oct 23, 2019 21:54:50 GMT -5
I've heard this argument before and I can't imagine any refuser suddenly thinking, "Oh, I never thought of it like that. Let's have more sex!" That’s your limitation then, isn’t it? There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. - Hamlet (1.5.167-8) For a jaunt to Never-Never Land, check out the blogs of the four christian women who do the Sex Chat 4 Christian Wives podcast. Three of the four women were either refusers or low libido partners in their marriages.
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Post by ScottDinTN on Oct 23, 2019 22:56:27 GMT -5
I think religious refusers tend to look down on the high libido spouses. If nothing else, I think a sermon like this helps get the refuser off their high horse of thinking we are sinners because "we want sex all the time" and realizing they aren't perfect either. That they are missing the mark in their marriage too.
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