Good reading - definitely makes me think about how little 'fun' my husband is. We have never 'had a laugh' and life is so serious for him. He has to 'earn' rest or downtime, through exercising or working hard. He isn't allowed fun for fun's sake. I thought his serious side was good husband/partner material but 20yrs + down the line I realise it is just plain dull! I thought he had a great sense of humour as he was always so smiley and laughing loudly. 20yrs+ and I realise that that is just a front for nervousness and a desire to fit in. He laughs inappropriately all the time. It's a learnt response from childhood - if I smile and chuckle everything will be OK, people will like me, Dad will stop smacking me. It is not real but it took me a long time to spot it. Now his booming laughter just irritates the hell out of me, especially if he is on the phone when he sounds like the funnest guy around, call ends, phone goes down and it is back to Mr Serious. All a facade.
Part 1 had me thinking, finding the right partner was next to impossible to find and determine. It might take dating 100 people because there were many examples of decent future partners but not really good long term partners without serious compromises.
Part 2 with its "Traffic Test" looked more promising. I then wondered how well I passed the "Traffic Test."
A Traffic Test-passing friendship entails:
A great sense of humor click. No one wants to spend 50 years fake laughing. Fun. And the ability to extract fun out of unfun situations—airport delays, long drives, errands. Not surprisingly, studies suggest that the amount of fun a couple has is a strong predictor for their future.6 A respect for each other’s brains and way of thinking. A life partner doubles as a career/life therapist, and if you don’t respect the way someone thinks, you’re not going to want to tell them your thoughts on work each day, or on anything else interesting that pops into your head, because you won’t really care that much what they have to say about it. A decent number of common interests, activities, and people-preferences. Otherwise a lot of what makes you ‘you’ will inevitably become a much smaller part of your life, and you and your life partner will struggle to find enjoyable ways to spend a free Saturday together.
Yes, very good. I read some of the John Gottman stuff when I was unhappily married. It made me realise things were pretty hopeless. I think it also helped me choose better the 2nd time around. My guy is far from perfect, but like the blog post says - the vibe is very good. Our imperfections mesh well (except for untidyness - which we both are). And Im never in doubt that he wants me to be happy. And we have so much fun. And we have weird fun that many other people wouldn't find fun. Everything from dirty sex (which a lot of people, but not everyone would find fun) to a shared love of live folk gigs (smaller set of people?) to spending hours looking at carbonate rocks (a surprisingly small set of people). But we also have fun when we do clean up the house, build a bike shed in the garden, prepare dinner, etc. Life isn't 100% fun, but my partner makes my life more fun than it would otherwise be.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
worksforme2: Hey ironhamster...I just saw your picture on another site and your head wasn't covered. You actually look better without the bandana....
Sept 2, 2019 11:54:55 GMT -5
javba: Dunno Iron Hamster - I have not seen your other photo - I think you ROCK anyways.
Sept 4, 2019 10:11:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happened across Tamara68 on another site, messaged her but she didn't respond...
Sept 15, 2019 13:13:02 GMT -5
elkclan2: Dealing with an escaped gerbil. Fun times.
Sept 16, 2019 13:01:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: 1. Hope tamara is doing well. 2. Elkclan2, did you catch the critter???
Sept 17, 2019 15:40:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Tamara answered me yesterday. She and her partner are moving into a house next week. It's probably about as good as is possible. She didn't comment on the situation with her daughter.
Sept 17, 2019 17:46:02 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Thanks for the update; just hope she is happy
Sept 17, 2019 19:49:55 GMT -5
workingonit: Elkclan2 my son's gerbil escaped at the same time as his pet snake. I did not think it was a coincidence!
Sept 17, 2019 20:40:26 GMT -5
hopingforachange: Wow, is been forever since I read the shoutbox.
Sept 17, 2019 21:33:01 GMT -5
hopingforachange: I need to set up another Skype session.
Sept 17, 2019 21:33:16 GMT -5
sme935: Not quite sure if anyone reads it but if there is a female in the Chicago area (40-60 years old) who is interested in chatting with me drop me a message or look at my profile for messenger screenname;
Sept 19, 2019 9:09:33 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Another Skype session would be great!
Sept 21, 2019 10:51:02 GMT -5
elkclan2: Gerbil was recaptured unharmed. Turns out my cat is good at opening gerbil cages, but not good at catching gerbils.
Sept 27, 2019 8:10:33 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Yay! Glad to hear the critter is okay.
Sept 28, 2019 20:44:20 GMT -5
worksforme2: elkclan2....don't feed cat for a couple days, cat will become very proficient at catching gerbil
Sept 29, 2019 14:15:01 GMT -5
javba: Hi folks been gone a minute [several minutes actually] What is the skype we're referencing?
Oct 1, 2019 8:55:44 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: javba, once in a while someone sets up a group Skype chat, so we can see each other and chat. I have a Skype account with my user name from here for them. One hasn't happened in a long time...
Oct 6, 2019 9:55:29 GMT -5
wewbwb: I'm pretty sure that it was seeing my ass.
Oct 6, 2019 15:21:29 GMT -5
petrushka: you breed donkeys?
Oct 10, 2019 6:05:03 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday shamwow….
Oct 11, 2019 9:02:53 GMT -5