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Post by choosinghappy on Jul 27, 2019 7:34:09 GMT -5
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Post by sadkat on Jul 27, 2019 10:46:44 GMT -5
Very interesting! I can definitely see several areas where I went wrong in choosing my life partner!
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Post by choosinghappy on Jul 27, 2019 13:58:13 GMT -5
Very interesting! I can definitely see several areas where I went wrong in choosing my life partner! Me too sadkat.
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cobweb
Junior Member
Posts: 52
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by cobweb on Jul 28, 2019 14:31:54 GMT -5
Good reading - definitely makes me think about how little 'fun' my husband is. We have never 'had a laugh' and life is so serious for him. He has to 'earn' rest or downtime, through exercising or working hard. He isn't allowed fun for fun's sake. I thought his serious side was good husband/partner material but 20yrs + down the line I realise it is just plain dull! I thought he had a great sense of humour as he was always so smiley and laughing loudly. 20yrs+ and I realise that that is just a front for nervousness and a desire to fit in. He laughs inappropriately all the time. It's a learnt response from childhood - if I smile and chuckle everything will be OK, people will like me, Dad will stop smacking me. It is not real but it took me a long time to spot it. Now his booming laughter just irritates the hell out of me, especially if he is on the phone when he sounds like the funnest guy around, call ends, phone goes down and it is back to Mr Serious. All a facade.
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Post by Handy on Jul 28, 2019 15:12:23 GMT -5
Part 1 had me thinking, finding the right partner was next to impossible to find and determine. It might take dating 100 people because there were many examples of decent future partners but not really good long term partners without serious compromises.
Part 2 with its "Traffic Test" looked more promising. I then wondered how well I passed the "Traffic Test."
A Traffic Test-passing friendship entails:
A great sense of humor click. No one wants to spend 50 years fake laughing. Fun. And the ability to extract fun out of unfun situations—airport delays, long drives, errands. Not surprisingly, studies suggest that the amount of fun a couple has is a strong predictor for their future.6 A respect for each other’s brains and way of thinking. A life partner doubles as a career/life therapist, and if you don’t respect the way someone thinks, you’re not going to want to tell them your thoughts on work each day, or on anything else interesting that pops into your head, because you won’t really care that much what they have to say about it. A decent number of common interests, activities, and people-preferences. Otherwise a lot of what makes you ‘you’ will inevitably become a much smaller part of your life, and you and your life partner will struggle to find enjoyable ways to spend a free Saturday together.
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Post by Handy on Sept 13, 2019 15:52:58 GMT -5
#TheSchoolOfLife Youtube Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person
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Post by warmways on Sept 14, 2019 0:07:57 GMT -5
Love this guy's stuff so much. and this one is one of my favorites.
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Post by elkclan2 on Sept 17, 2019 3:01:06 GMT -5
Yes, very good. I read some of the John Gottman stuff when I was unhappily married. It made me realise things were pretty hopeless. I think it also helped me choose better the 2nd time around. My guy is far from perfect, but like the blog post says - the vibe is very good. Our imperfections mesh well (except for untidyness - which we both are). And Im never in doubt that he wants me to be happy. And we have so much fun. And we have weird fun that many other people wouldn't find fun. Everything from dirty sex (which a lot of people, but not everyone would find fun) to a shared love of live folk gigs (smaller set of people?) to spending hours looking at carbonate rocks (a surprisingly small set of people). But we also have fun when we do clean up the house, build a bike shed in the garden, prepare dinner, etc. Life isn't 100% fun, but my partner makes my life more fun than it would otherwise be.
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