If you take turns in being the refuser then it sounds like you both use sex as tool to get/manipulate/control/punish the other. 50/50 responsibility. If one of you would step up and be the bigger person and say I will no longer be a refuser then the other is the one taking on 100% of the responsibility. I am sure many times when you fight about it the other will use "You do it too" as an argument. You gotta start by cleaning up your side of the street.
Glad to have found this forum. Hubby and I take turns being the refuser. I don't know what to do to change things.
You may not be a " refuser", instead you may be an " avoider". Several of us 'swept it under the rug, pretended it would get better with time, blamed ourselves,-our attractiveness,- caved, gave in, and convinced ourselves that we could do without it, and questioned the importance of it". Later realizing that things will not get better and that you can not take a band aid approach to a gunshot wound.
Please feel free to share an example or two and receive more feedback and helpful thoughts and advice.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5
worksforme2: You know who I miss ...I miss smartkat and andie..and snowman 12345
Nov 14, 2019 9:16:44 GMT -5