Post by northstarmom on May 14, 2019 11:57:57 GMT -5
H said: “I have no community. None. Nobody in my day-to-day real life beyond my immediate family that is any more than an acquaintance and most of my family are only seen in Facebook posts.”
I think that’s why so many stay in their sm: it’s their only companionship. That was true for me, too. After moving to another part of the country, it took me 12 years to find my community. I was so lonely until then but my husband didn’t understand because he saw no need for friends outside of our nuclear family. My finding a community and developing strong friendships independent of my husband was one of the things that gave me the confidence and support to leave my marriage. I also had developed the wisdom to know that a man who didn’t need friends was not the right partner for me.
Yes. Shoring up your support network is a really good idea irrespective of your marital situation. And by shoring up, I don't mean "using up" or only plugging in to your support network when you have a crisis. Get pro-active. Extend your helping hand first - with no expectation that it will be reciprocated, or even appreciated. You want a friend ? .... then be one first.
A few people who actually give a shit about you (and you give a shit about them) .... that's about the best human resource there is.
Post by northstarmom on May 15, 2019 7:59:26 GMT -5
Baz said: “Shoring up your support network is a really good idea irrespective of your marital situation. And by shoring up, I don't mean "using up" or only plugging in to your support network when you have a crisis. Get pro-active. Extend your helping hand first - with no expectation that it will be reciprocated, or even appreciated.”
My own experience and what I’ve read here about how other refused and former refused operate is that the refused are more likely to establish relationships in which they are used by selfish others. Thus, my advice is to make sure that you aren’t the only one giving, supporting, and helping in your relationships. A real friend will be there for you just as you are there for them.
Post by northstarmom on May 15, 2019 10:22:47 GMT -5
It is possible to become friends -- real friends -- with people whom you encounter through on-line communities. If there's someone here who resonates with you, you can reach out through private message and share things that perhaps you wouldn't want the whole group to know. I've become FB friends with 3 women and one man (who is the spouse of one of the women. They are longtime partners after leaving their refusers) from the old EP. One I even met in person when I was in her area. We spent a wonderful afternoon together including some in depth personal conversations. Developing such friendships can be a step toward becoming comfortable building community where you live.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: I was gobsmacked when I heard. This is just not us. In all of 2017 we had 37 murders in the country ..... I think the echo chambers of "social media" have a lot to answer for.
Mar 15, 2019 18:45:45 GMT -5
baza: Feeling for our Brothers and Sisters across the ditch Brother petrushka .
Mar 15, 2019 19:27:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: petrushka, I thought I read the headline wrong (this stuff happens here, not in NZ). It is frightening the hate that is being spread; it makes my heart hurt.
Mar 15, 2019 20:46:54 GMT -5
saarinista: All of us, IMHO, should try to be civil and kind as much as possible in person and online. I actively Tweet (civilly) on political matters and am horrified by the rancor & trolling on both sides of the spectrum, which only inflames unstable people.
Mar 19, 2019 23:21:20 GMT -5
saarinista: is anyone else watching March Madness?
Mar 24, 2019 11:44:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: doesn't much look like it...
Mar 27, 2019 12:20:10 GMT -5
saarinista: Well, my team is going to the Final Four! I am beyond thrilled. Basketball is life.
Apr 1, 2019 0:47:14 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Congrats! Yay! I don't know how many people see the shout box, I don't think it shows up not he mobile version of the site. Maybe post something in the Off Topic section and more folks may see it?
Apr 1, 2019 15:38:34 GMT -5
wewbwb: Or, maybe baseball season started . . .
Apr 2, 2019 5:27:34 GMT -5
flashjohn: saarinista, my alma mater, Texas Tech, is also in the final four.
Apr 3, 2019 14:59:01 GMT -5
saarinista: : flashjohn Ruh, roh. Then we have to be mortal enemies for the weekend because I went to MSU!
Apr 4, 2019 16:09:20 GMT -5
worksforme2: The add attachment says a max of 1mb...I see plenty of videos that are way longer than that...how do I do that? My video is 4.97 mbs
Apr 25, 2019 20:10:25 GMT -5
h: The videos posted aren't attached. They are links to videos outside the site.
Apr 26, 2019 14:09:04 GMT -5
sexlessinga: Hi guys just joined
May 10, 2019 20:49:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: @mslowmaintenance….long time no see, welcome back...
May 29, 2019 9:30:25 GMT -5
noregretz: You can never outrun a Grizzly bear, but that's ok. You only have to outrun the person you're with....
Jun 15, 2019 12:28:09 GMT -5
solodriver: or in this case your refuser.
Jun 16, 2019 19:21:47 GMT -5