Post by surfergirl on Feb 28, 2019 14:14:41 GMT -5
I thought I'd pop in and give you all an update. One year ago, I googled "sexless marriage" and found this forum. I was married 21 years with several children.
By March, I filed for divorce.
In June, I was divorced.
In August, I moved out (I had a new house being built) and dealt with the pain and GRIEF. Apparently, my ex wasn't too upset as he had a new whore from the internet as soon as I moved out. They are still together. It all makes sense now.....
This February, after dozens and dozens of dates and realizing that I will probably be single for a very long time, I finally found my guy. He is sooooo good to me. I've self-sabbatoged our relationship a few times, just because my nervous system is used to contempt and abuse. Good thing he is a psychiatrist. I probably would've been dumped (for good reason) if that wasn't the case. He is so kind. Oh, and he LOVES sex and is very adventurous in that department...
So, while I'd never call a divorce a success story, it does appear I have the best outcome given the circumstances of being married to a man who did not like me, want me, or love me.
Sounds like you nailed it. Well done for getting a plan and not only executing that plan but sticking to it.
I’m right on the cusp of a sexless marriage (10 times a year etc) and I know a conversation needs to be had. Your very first posts resonated with me so much. I’m successful, appear to have it all, do 99.9% of everything, including the ironing & cooking, running three companies at arms length, never row or argue, yet I’m lucky if I get a peck on the cheek 🤣.
This forum is the best! I feel so educated when I read everyone’s posts.
Post by workingonit on Mar 5, 2019 18:30:22 GMT -5
Well... that sucks. But really, you should feel great that your heart is available to give and that your ability to want and enjoy being wanted is not broken. Knowing that would give me a cetain ooomph to keep going.
After reading your posts for quite some time, I only have one piece of general advice.
In your marriage (especially towards the end), you seemed a bit quick to make large important decisions. Often, you would whiplash into regret as the consequences hit.
Whether this was with flaunting your AP, sending mixed messages to the kids about staying / leaving, building a house 5 doors down from your ex, going on dozens and dozens of dates and not finding what you're looking for, or even intentionally torpedoing your current relationship, you have a tendency to shoot from the hip and it seldom works out well.
I mean this with kindness. Slow down...
As baza says, being single gives you a great opportunity to work on yourself outside the fog of your SM. Most people discover this essential step (sometimes after some stumbles) as things shake out post-divorce.
I'm sure you will too. But first?
Sham's Law #1: Everything in life is simple. First you figure out what you want. Second, you figure out how to get it. Third you do it. The first step, unfortunately happens to be the hardest.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: I was gobsmacked when I heard. This is just not us. In all of 2017 we had 37 murders in the country ..... I think the echo chambers of "social media" have a lot to answer for.
Mar 15, 2019 18:45:45 GMT -5
baza: Feeling for our Brothers and Sisters across the ditch Brother petrushka .
Mar 15, 2019 19:27:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: petrushka, I thought I read the headline wrong (this stuff happens here, not in NZ). It is frightening the hate that is being spread; it makes my heart hurt.
Mar 15, 2019 20:46:54 GMT -5
saarinista: All of us, IMHO, should try to be civil and kind as much as possible in person and online. I actively Tweet (civilly) on political matters and am horrified by the rancor & trolling on both sides of the spectrum, which only inflames unstable people.
Mar 19, 2019 23:21:20 GMT -5
saarinista: is anyone else watching March Madness?
Mar 24, 2019 11:44:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: doesn't much look like it...
Mar 27, 2019 12:20:10 GMT -5
saarinista: Well, my team is going to the Final Four! I am beyond thrilled. Basketball is life.
Apr 1, 2019 0:47:14 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Congrats! Yay! I don't know how many people see the shout box, I don't think it shows up not he mobile version of the site. Maybe post something in the Off Topic section and more folks may see it?
Apr 1, 2019 15:38:34 GMT -5
wewbwb: Or, maybe baseball season started . . .
Apr 2, 2019 5:27:34 GMT -5
flashjohn: saarinista, my alma mater, Texas Tech, is also in the final four.
Apr 3, 2019 14:59:01 GMT -5
saarinista: : flashjohn Ruh, roh. Then we have to be mortal enemies for the weekend because I went to MSU!
Apr 4, 2019 16:09:20 GMT -5
worksforme2: The add attachment says a max of 1mb...I see plenty of videos that are way longer than that...how do I do that? My video is 4.97 mbs
Apr 25, 2019 20:10:25 GMT -5
h: The videos posted aren't attached. They are links to videos outside the site.
Apr 26, 2019 14:09:04 GMT -5
sexlessinga: Hi guys just joined
May 10, 2019 20:49:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: @mslowmaintenance….long time no see, welcome back...
May 29, 2019 9:30:25 GMT -5
noregretz: You can never outrun a Grizzly bear, but that's ok. You only have to outrun the person you're with....
Jun 15, 2019 12:28:09 GMT -5
solodriver: or in this case your refuser.
Jun 16, 2019 19:21:47 GMT -5