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Post by smith227 on Feb 7, 2019 12:34:08 GMT -5
I blew up a few days ago and told him in no uncertain terms that I am done. That I don’t want to be with him, or love like this. I told him that I’m under no illusion that he actually cares for me and that I have an exit plan in place. I told him that I’m so, so tired of playing house, and I won’t do it anymore. His reaction was to go up to the bedroom we “share” and throw my stuff out of it. Funny thing was, the only thing of mine in “our” bedroom was a sweatshirt I had left in there the other day. He was so geared up to throw my stuff out that I actually couldn’t stop laughing when all he came out with was one measly sweatshirt. I guess he hasn’t noticed that the guest room has been my bedroom for the last 7 months. Funny thing about that, is that it actually made me feel good! There he was trying to tell me that I’m crazy, and we do have sex and intimacy, and he had tangible evidence, that he couldn’t deny right there in his hand. One sweatshirt in our martial bedroom.
I will be out of here, and he knows it by the end of the year. We both know that financially we have to stay together for a while, so that neither of us have to scramble or rely on family for help. Last night he laid his head on my lap while we were watching tv, and I automatically open up and gave room and put my arm around him. It was like autopilot for me. But instead of being hopeful, I took it for what it was. NOTHING. I knew it meant nothing and changed nothing, and now he knows that he’s lost control. I hadn’t felt this way in a long time, but I think I actually feel good.
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 7, 2019 12:45:07 GMT -5
I wish you well. However, it's usually unwise to show your hand before you have seen a lawyer and have an exit plan in place. Early warning can cause one's partner to do things to make it more difficult or expensive for you to leave. This can include their running up large credit card debt that you will be 50% responsible for. Threatening to leave also can shred your cred if you don't leave. If you haven't seen a lawyer yet then see one ASAP. The first visit -- the consultation -- may even be free.
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Post by smith227 on Feb 7, 2019 12:52:28 GMT -5
I wish you well. However, it's usually unwise to show your hand before you have seen a lawyer and have an exit plan in place. Early warning can cause one's partner to do things to make it more difficult or expensive for you to leave. This can include their running up large credit card debt that you will be 50% responsible for. Threatening to leave also can shred your cred if you don't leave. If you haven't seen a lawyer yet then see one ASAP. The first visit -- the consultation -- may even be free. All of our finances are separate. The house is in his name, and I want nothing. We don’t share any assets or have any kids together. We also live in a state where we can just dissolve the marriage, which I’ve already looked in to. We’ve only been married 8 months. One of the main reasons we have to stay together is due to my credit.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2019 17:11:17 GMT -5
I wish you luck. I was there and said much the same. Next morning we talked (again) and I conceded (again). We are still together "working on it". Sometimes that makes me happy and hopeful. Other times I wish he would have had somewhere to go that last fight so it could have ended right there.
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Post by baza on Feb 7, 2019 19:27:22 GMT -5
"Blow Ups" can turn out to be unproductive.
You (and/or your spouse) can inadvertently say stuff you don't mean, threaten things you aren't prepared to actually do.
What tends to then happen - once the immediate 'blow up' has passed - is that one of you has 2nd thoughts of the situation and starts to try and bring the situation back to the status quo.
Whereas the decision to leave IS an emotional time, it really ought not be an emotional decision but rather a pragmatic choice based on the facts and based on your longer term best interests. You really need to have your ducks lined up in these situations.
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Post by flashjohn on Feb 8, 2019 11:23:11 GMT -5
I wish you well. However, it's usually unwise to show your hand before you have seen a lawyer and have an exit plan in place. Early warning can cause one's partner to do things to make it more difficult or expensive for you to leave. This can include their running up large credit card debt that you will be 50% responsible for. Threatening to leave also can shred your cred if you don't leave. If you haven't seen a lawyer yet then see one ASAP. The first visit -- the consultation -- may even be free. All of our finances are separate. The house is in his name, and I want nothing. We don’t share any assets or have any kids together. We also live in a state where we can just dissolve the marriage, which I’ve already looked in to. We’ve only been married 8 months. One of the main reasons we have to stay together is due to my credit. I am so glad you are not wasting any more time with a refuser.
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Post by solodriver on Feb 8, 2019 21:35:59 GMT -5
smith227 I've been waiting for my financials to work out as well. I'm planning my departure.
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