|
Post by elynne on Feb 10, 2019 3:10:43 GMT -5
The attorneys know the judges. It is a big club. Ask if there is anything you can do to find favor in the judges eyes, or avoid disfavor. Ask if they can facilitate a mediated divorce. If your STBX will sit down with you and a neutral expert, you can come to an agreement much cheaper than if either of you choose to fight it out. Ask if there is anything you can do preemptively. For example, if I had three years to plan, I would have demanded my ex get her career in gear, and I would have backed off my overtime or even found a lesser paying job. This would have put me in a much better place, financially, in the long term. My financially abusive husband reduced his working hours to lower his income and moved 40k to the children’s accounts. Spent all of our savings on upgrades to the house he was keeping. I totally recommend encouraging your spouse’s earning capacity and ability to be financially independent. That benefits both of you. Devious methods of reducing your income hurt your wife, the children and you. Is that worth it in order to screw your wife over?
|
|
|
Post by iceman on Feb 10, 2019 8:34:35 GMT -5
As above, a divorce is a process of negotiation. Broadly, in one of 3 ways. #1 - where you (and your spouse) thrash out an agreement pretty much between the two of you - under the guidance of your lawyers. #2 - where you (and your spouse) can't come to an agreement, in which case your respective lawyers become far more involved in negotiating a settlement. #3 - where your respective lawyers can't come up with an agreement, in which case an independent person, a judge, will mandate a settlement upon you. In my jurisdiction, method #3 happens in only about 20% of cases. Personally, I think that method #3 is to be avoided... The judges call is a matter you have no control over. The process will be way more expensive than method #1 or #2. You might be better served by conceding a few things as per method #1 or #2 than taking your chances on method #3. I hope that we can avoid #3 as well. I really think that we’ll be able to work out an agreement ourselves, maybe with the help of a mediator. I may be terribly optimistic and naive, I realize.
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Feb 10, 2019 11:33:14 GMT -5
The attorneys know the judges. It is a big club. Ask if there is anything you can do to find favor in the judges eyes, or avoid disfavor. Ask if they can facilitate a mediated divorce. If your STBX will sit down with you and a neutral expert, you can come to an agreement much cheaper than if either of you choose to fight it out. Ask if there is anything you can do preemptively. For example, if I had three years to plan, I would have demanded my ex get her career in gear, and I would have backed off my overtime or even found a lesser paying job. This would have put me in a much better place, financially, in the long term. My financially abusive husband reduced his working hours to lower his income and moved 40k to the children’s accounts. Spent all of our savings on upgrades to the house he was keeping. I totally recommend encouraging your spouse’s earning capacity and ability to be financially independent. That benefits both of you. Devious methods of reducing your income hurt your wife, the children and you. Is that worth it in order to screw your wife over? I understand. From my perspective, though, my wife worked an entry level job when we first married. She wanted to go back to school for her Master's, so I supported her and covered all her expenses. The closest she ever got to working in her field was an unpaid internship. We had our first kid and she wanted to be a stay at home mom. She never looked for a position with flexible hours, even as the kids got older and all her fellow homeschool moms went back into the workforce. No amount of positive reinforcement was going to get that dog to hunt.
|
|