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Post by lightningstrikesx2 on Jan 18, 2019 11:40:47 GMT -5
My Wife showed me a list she composed of things she wants to achieve in 2019. All very commendable stuff, healthier living, decorate various rooms etc etc.
I didn't see 'Fix sex life' on there though; maybe I should alert her to this glaring omission ? Should go down like a lead balloon......
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Post by h on Jan 18, 2019 12:30:13 GMT -5
Make your own list and show her what's important to you. Ex:
-Fix sexlife within marriage or find someone to outsource this "undesirable task"
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Post by Handy on Jan 18, 2019 12:36:03 GMT -5
Add " sex xx times a month" to the list and say you get as much right to add things to the list as she does and say it is all part of a give-take system. Does she have to agree with anything you put on the list? No but she should explain what would prevent her from doing some of your ideas. BTW don't stop at the sex part add other things in order of value to you and to the value of the relationship.
If you read the "question for the day" there is a question 'where d you want to go to and why' Well add the "why" part to each of your W's list for each of her goals or things she wants to work on.
And just because there is something on the list it doesn't mean it has to have specific answers. Some answers could come from less practical wants or needs. Put several answers or reasons for each theoretical goal. It is called "brain storming" where any answer is out there to discuss and no answer is an automatic given even if it is the best answer.
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Post by ironhamster on Jan 18, 2019 12:49:47 GMT -5
You may want to tell her she has too many problems and both of you should concentrate on fixing one problem from each others list. Only have one problem on your list.
This will also likely go over like a lead balloon.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2019 14:35:29 GMT -5
My Wife showed me a list she composed of things she wants to achieve in 2019. All very commendable stuff, healthier living, decorate various rooms etc etc. I didn't see 'Fix sex life' on there though; maybe I should alert her to this glaring omission ? Should go down like a lead balloon...... Of course it's not on there, it's not an issue for her. It's not a glaring omission in her life.
The spectrum of solutions here on ILIASM generally consist of Stay, Cheat or Leave. I resisted that logic for quite some time thinking that there was a fourth category "Stay and it gets better". There is quite a bit of statistical evidence that, bar some short term stress or illness, the fourth category doesn't exist.
But, if you are still hopeful of creating this category despite it being a statistical anomaly here's my advice. It can't be about the sex. Many partners, rightly so, feel pressured about the act itself. It has to be about creating intimacy in the marriage, creating a space for your sex life to grow. I would approach it that way and you'll find out very quickly what kind of situation you're dealing with.
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Post by baza on Jan 18, 2019 14:47:26 GMT -5
"If" you are looking toward your missus to provide the resolution to your problem, you are on a path to no-where.
The resolution to the situation will come from you and the choices you make as of now - or - it won't come at all.
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Post by carl on Jan 20, 2019 9:00:12 GMT -5
My Wife showed me a list she composed of things she wants to achieve in 2019. All very commendable stuff, healthier living, decorate various rooms etc etc. I didn't see 'Fix sex life' on there though; maybe I should alert her to this glaring omission ? Should go down like a lead balloon...... I have had a similar type list for many years with the same depressing omission of getting a sex life. Funny how the importance of everything else gets strangely magnified. Smoke screen ?
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Post by isthisforever on Jan 27, 2019 0:36:46 GMT -5
What do you think she'd say if you told her this should be on her list?
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Post by ironhamster on Jan 27, 2019 12:24:15 GMT -5
Odds are there would always be a reason not to.
My ex would regularly say "I'm not in the mood because..." or "I'd be in the mood if...".
As we started down the divorce spiral, I interrupted her, correcting her, saying, "Just say 'I am not in the mood' and stop right there. Everything that comes after it is irrelevant."
People that are sexually attracted to each other figure out how to fuck. People that are sexually repulsed figure out how not to.
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