Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2018 13:31:37 GMT -5
As many of you know, I'm new here. I keep seeing this term "re-set sex" in the threads. Can someone please explain what this means?
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Dec 12, 2018 13:37:48 GMT -5
Re-set sex is having sex after an argument where the frequency increases and maybe the quality improves but the improvements are only temporary and the sex goesback to what you had before the arguments or the recent agreement to have more and better sex.
Basically it is the TEMPORARY improvements but most likely going back to the time when sex was scarse and not satisfying
|
|
|
Post by csl on Dec 12, 2018 13:38:12 GMT -5
As many of you know, I'm new here. I keep seeing this term "re-set sex" in the threads. Can someone please explain what this means? This is from the first of three posts I did on Reset, Resolutions and Reality, about four months ago: What is Reset Sex? Reset Sex is sexual activity that occurs after a spouse has had The Talk™ with his/her spouse, telling the gatekeeping/refusing spouse of the pain that they are feeling due to lack of intimacy. And voila, sex begins to happen. The question, however, is this: does this represent a true sea change in the marriage, a well-intentioned resolution, or merely Reset Sex?
A regimen of sexual activity might be undertaken in sincerity by a husband/wife, who hears what their spouse tells them and truly wants to do right by the marriage–this isn’t Reset Sex. Conversely, this same course of sex might be engaged in by a less-than-caring spouse in order to placate the complaining partner. This latter activity is Reset Sex.
The defining factor of Reset Sex is that it is only temporary, by design; the temporary revival of the marriage bed is a staged placation, in which the well-known “intermittent reinforcement theory” is observed. As has oft been noted before, refusers/gatekeepers know how to give just enough intermittent reinforcement in order to boost hope. And after enough intimacy has been introduced in order to create hope in the heart of the refused, the old ways are re-instituted. In essence, the marital clock has been reset to zero and the counting starts all over again–until the next time another booster shot of hope is needed. In essence, nothing has changed; instead, you’ve just been reset and your sentence has been extended.
|
|
|
Post by hopingforachange on Dec 12, 2018 13:41:08 GMT -5
It's to set the hook again so you don't spit it out.
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Dec 12, 2018 13:51:34 GMT -5
Basically the idea is "oh they are mad so I'll shut them up by fucking them" or "oh God I guess it's about that time again. Better just get this over with. Sigh"
As opposed to "I love this person and want to be physically intimate with them" or "God, I want to fuck the hell out of my partner"
In medical terms, this would be like prescribing the minimum effective dose to achieve the desired effect (i.e. to get you to shut the fuck up and stop nagging them)
Prolonged miscalculation of this dose often requires the intervention of another professional known as a "lawyer" and results in amputation of the offending dead appendage. Cost for this procedure, however is steep and may include decreased lifestyle and loss of half your shit.
However, those skilled at the practice of reset sex can keep the patient lingering for years or decades. Masters of their craft can drag it out until the patient dies in bitter frustration of natural causes.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2018 13:54:26 GMT -5
@ csl ... I'm screwed - and no, not in the fun way. I know that pattern all too well. I'm just about out of hope. Thank you all. I've known for a long time this wasn't going to end well, but I kept hoping. Less than a week on this site and all I've suspected has been proven true. Always trust your gut; it never lies. Damn, how I wish I would have listened to my gut when I first laid eyes on my husband.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Dec 12, 2018 14:09:36 GMT -5
Reset also can happen without an argument such as if a spouse senses you are pulling away and may even be considering divorce or an affair. Bottom line is it’s done to keep you around, not out of sexual attraction. It’s not an indication of desire or change.
|
|
|
Re-Set Sex
Dec 12, 2018 16:35:46 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by isthisit on Dec 12, 2018 16:35:46 GMT -5
@ csl ... I'm screwed - and no, not in the fun way. I know that pattern all too well. I'm just about out of hope. Thank you all. I've known for a long time this wasn't going to end well, but I kept hoping. Less than a week on this site and all I've suspected has been proven true. Always trust your gut; it never lies. Damn, how I wish I would have listened to my gut when I first laid eyes on my husband. @whynotm3 I am sorry for your realisation. No matter how useful this knowledge is to you and your future choices, it still remains immensely painful, and can evoke a sense of loss and confusion. Please take some time to regain your balance and wellbeing, and then clearly and calmly weigh up your options to best position yourself to move forward in ways that work for you. This forum will provide you with excellent advice to inform moving forward well.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2018 17:14:12 GMT -5
@ csl ... I'm screwed - and no, not in the fun way. I know that pattern all too well. I'm just about out of hope. Thank you all. I've known for a long time this wasn't going to end well, but I kept hoping. Less than a week on this site and all I've suspected has been proven true. Always trust your gut; it never lies. Damn, how I wish I would have listened to my gut when I first laid eyes on my husband. @whynotm3 I am sorry for your realisation. No matter how useful this knowledge is to you and your future choices, it still remains immensely painful, and can evoke a sense of loss and confusion. Please take some time to regain your balance and wellbeing, and then clearly and calmly weigh up your options to best position yourself to move forward in ways that work for you. This forum will provide you with excellent advice to inform moving forward well. Thank you so much! I appreciate the help and kindness.
|
|
|
Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 17, 2019 20:09:10 GMT -5
Reset Sex - is the Sex the Refuser throws the Refused Spouse from time to time to pacify them from possibly spitting the dummy and ending the marriage therefore also ending the comfy life the Refuser is enjoying.
|
|