|
Post by sadkat on Apr 16, 2019 16:54:45 GMT -5
@thisisit- that is so great to hear! I’m glad things are working out for you and that you’re finding a level of contentment on the other side. I think it’s very positive that your priority is you right now. After all, you can’t take care of others very well until you’ve taken care of yourself!
|
|
|
Post by sadkat on Apr 17, 2019 8:56:30 GMT -5
Here is your question for the day: Are you putting parts of your life on hold? If so, why?
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Apr 17, 2019 9:23:30 GMT -5
Yes. I care for my grand children 3 days a week, sometimes more. I hate to say it but my son is something less than stellar as a parent. I would surely like to be traveling a great deal more and taking extended rides on the bike, but their care is a priority for me. I worry about their future when I am no longer around.
|
|
|
Post by h on Apr 17, 2019 11:22:33 GMT -5
Here is your question for the day: Are you putting parts of your life on hold? If so, why? Yes. I have put almost everything on hold while I work on helping my W with job hunting. I do this with everything though. If I have a high priority task, I focus everything on it until it's done. Afterwards, I go back to my hobbies and social activities.
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Apr 17, 2019 11:33:24 GMT -5
I am putting some things off. Like Baza often advises, I am cleaning up my side of the street and exploring options that will result in what I hope to lead to the least damage if/when I ride off into my future.
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Apr 17, 2019 17:49:13 GMT -5
I’ve debated asking this question and sharing my pain. I’ve realized I would benefit from your support. How do you handle grief? Today, I’m facing the difficult task of euthanizing my beloved dog. He came into my life at just 8 weeks old and I’m sending him over Rainbow Bridge a few days short of his 15th Birthday. I was 5 years into my SM when he came into my life. He has been my constant companion and has given me unconditional love and devotion. My heart is broken over having to say goodbye. My h and I will say goodbye to him together and will support one another in our grief. At least we can give each other that. If you are the praying type, please include me in your prayers today. If you are not, any positive thoughts and words of comfort would be appreciated. I handle grief by turning into myself and processing the pain on my own. You may not hear from me for a few days as I struggle to accept my loss. I read a good story today about a dog being a man's best friend, and I thought about you! How are you coping? How is your recovery going? Allow me to say, that dealing with the grief of losing your dog , can be a good thing. It will prepare you for the grief that will come, for the day of divorce. You may not feel as much grief towards ending your marriage, as you did saying goodbye to your beloved pet. Let's face it... a pet is a great comforter, full of affection through touch, loves to share happiness with us, protect us, seems to really know us, and is an endless source of giving. You may want to wait to get another pet,until after you and your H separate. That way their's no sharing of the pet. ( That's what my ex and I do) We exchange children, one week on, one week off, and the dog is with the kids all the time. I just received notice that our dog was struck by a car today and passed away. We had adopted and rescued our little 15 lb. poodle when he was 1 yrs.old. We have had him for 7 yrs. My son was taking him for a walk today and the dog got away from him. Not to brag, but the dog loved me the most, since I was around him the most. We had a long list of love names for him. Mr Love, Mr. Fuzz, Fuzz bucket, Mr. Fun. Wonderful, Silly dog,Your so good to me, Mr. Belly, The great Protector, The Brave Chicken, So Cute., Mr. Kisses and Snuggle Buddy! Now that all my children are much older, and I am living alone at times I don't see me getting another dog any time soon. it was a good run. He was my 3rd poodle over a period of 43 years!
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Apr 17, 2019 17:50:34 GMT -5
GreatCoastal, I'm so sorry.
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Apr 17, 2019 19:09:47 GMT -5
Damn, greatcoastal. That’s sad to hear. I imagine your son feels a lot of guilt / responsibility, in addition to grief. That’s a hard life experience; I’m sure you’ll do your best to comfort him as well.
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Apr 17, 2019 19:36:57 GMT -5
Damn, greatcoastal . That’s sad to hear. I imagine your son feels a lot of guilt / responsibility, in addition to grief. That’s a hard life experience; I’m sure you’ll do your best to comfort him as well. Thank you for that DryCreek! When I heard the news I immediately texted my son. I thought "the most important thing was letting him know he is forgiven! AND that my love for him is far greater than my love for the dog, and will always be there". HONESTLY......that was my fatherly responsibility coming out. Their is a wild amount of emotions, feelings, and thoughts running through my head. I need to wait to try to find out 'what really happened'. Maybe that's another one of those " why" questions that really doesn't need answering? It might help him? If he really wants it? You see this is my son who was recently diagnosed with bipolar and has been on a manic high not acting like his true self. He needs patience, and discipline at the same time. Not easy. Ironically my son was attacked by dogs in his younger years of living on the streets in China. he has never really liked our very lovable dog. Sadly he repeatedly scared the dog when we first received him. We would warn him , and beg him, " don't do that!! The dog is never going to like you!" and that was the case. He recently told me " I am trying to get the dog to like me more. I am petting him more and more lately". That's probably why he was walking him.
|
|
|
Post by sadkat on Apr 17, 2019 19:43:03 GMT -5
greatcoastal- I’m so sorry! I know how painful it is and my heart goes out to both you and your son. My little boy was also a 15 pound poodle. They are so smart and so lovable! Take the time you need to grieve but please don’t deprive yourself of the unconditional love a dog can provide down the road. Hugs to you!
|
|
|
Post by sadkat on Apr 17, 2019 19:56:50 GMT -5
Am I putting parts of my life on hold? Well, maybe? I’ve been working with a therapist to gain the strength I need to leave my marriage. I’ve followed through on all of the guidance provided and have made great progress. I’m at the point now where I’ve finally gotten h to accept the fact that it’s over and we are taking steps (albeit slow steps) to put the house on the market. My therapist now wants me to pursue other social activities that do not include my h. But....I’m planning a major zip code change once our house sells. I don’t see the point in making the effort now. My therapist is quite insistent. Granted- I know I need to put myself out there. I also know it’s not something I’m comfortable doing (especially in large groups). As an introvert, I’m much more comfortable being by myself with a good book. I can see why I’d be inclined to put this on hold. Should I? What do you think?
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Apr 18, 2019 8:52:06 GMT -5
I am in the boat with the therapist, for a couple reasons. You may be planning a major sip code change following the divorce. But life being what it is it may be that you can't execute that change as timely as you had intended. In which case you will be well served by having additional support or activities you enjoy in place as you continue your preparation to relocate. Secondly it would be good practice for you to test the waters a bit when it comes to more actively engaging in new activities with new people. Doing that here and now might prepare you for when you do move. You will have a better idea of how you might want to go about reintegrating yourself in your new neighborhood, work place and life.
And my sympathy for the loss of your animal. I have a pet cemetery out back with 7 markers. Some of those pets had been around for well over a decade, so I know what it's like when you have to put one down.
|
|
|
Post by sadkat on Apr 18, 2019 10:00:48 GMT -5
@worksforme- thank you for your feedback. I will take your advice under consideration. I’m sure you’re correct about the intent. My therapist understands my nature and thinks that delaying efforts to get out and socialize will make it that much harder when I move to a new environment. I’m not convinced. I’ve got a list going of the things I’d like to get involved in after I move. Things I’m excited about doing. I’m not excited about doing them here because I want to take the easy way out and not have to deal with how h will react. Why I would want to take the easy way out now after all of the difficult steps I’ve taken over the past 6 months is beyond me!
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Apr 18, 2019 11:14:49 GMT -5
sadkat, I can only guess that your therapist is trying to keep you from falling off an emotional cliff when the divorce is complete by pushing you to create a life that’ll still be there afterwards. I suppose, like someone for whom the kids are their world, and suddenly becoming an empty-nester is a shock and loss of identity. On the other hand, it’s not like you don’t have your hands full with a divorce, trying to sell a house, moving zip codes, and a day job. Piling on more duties seems like the last thing you’d want to do; is the added stress worth the benefits? I dunno.
|
|
|
Post by sadkat on Apr 18, 2019 12:09:37 GMT -5
DryCreek- my thoughts exactly! I am under an extreme amount of stress and getting out there to meet other people is not something that’s in my comfort zone. This will cause even more stress. I’m leaning toward taking a little “break”- allow myself to slide into my comfort zone for just a little while. Then I’ll start working on putting myself out there. I’ll find out what my therapist will say about that in a few days.
|
|