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Post by DryCreek on Mar 8, 2019 13:48:57 GMT -5
Good blog post. Especially the point that getting physical too soon can distract from more objectively looking at the whole person / compatibility. I think this one detail leads to a lot of failed relationships. We all know attraction can wane. A lot of members here no longer find their spouse attractive; they’ve been reconditioned, or their perspective has changed. Or that stranger who looked so physically attractive but turned out to be selfish / psycho / abrasive... ugly inside. So, it stands to reason that attraction can also grow where it didn’t exist at first (i.e., first look). Someone may become more attractive because of qualities that aren’t apparent until you get to know them. An amazing book with an awful cover. Or a flower that hasn’t bloomed. The latter requires an investment of time. That’s not likely to happen in a visual world where the first level of filtering is appearance. It takes a setting where people interact for other reasons. In time, the book becomes interesting irrespective of the cover. It’s one of the many reasons people connect on here. And why Meetup.com is suggested. Or a theater troupe, in northstarmom’s example. But... there will still be people like sadkat’s friend who require a physical “10” to be aroused, and that’s their call but it limits their options. The reality is, looks fade on both sides of the fence - what happens then? Is it smart to hold to your criteria, regardless of how realistic? Which is happier: loneliness or compromise?
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Post by sadkat on Mar 9, 2019 10:34:45 GMT -5
northstarmom- you had told your story before and I remembered it. I actually shared it with her. She was still emphatic about not “dating anyone she wasn’t attracted to”. I didn’t ask her outright but I do believe she meant that she will not start a sexual relationship with someone she is not attracted to. And I think she is missing out!
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Post by sadkat on Mar 9, 2019 10:38:58 GMT -5
Good blog post. Especially the point that getting physical too soon can distract from more objectively looking at the whole person / compatibility. I think this one detail leads to a lot of failed relationships. We all know attraction can wane. A lot of members here no longer find their spouse attractive; they’ve been reconditioned, or their perspective has changed. Or that stranger who looked so physically attractive but turned out to be selfish / psycho / abrasive... ugly inside. So, it stands to reason that attraction can also grow where it didn’t exist at first (i.e., first look). Someone may become more attractive because of qualities that aren’t apparent until you get to know them. An amazing book with an awful cover. Or a flower that hasn’t bloomed. The latter requires an investment of time. That’s not likely to happen in a visual world where the first level of filtering is appearance. It takes a setting where people interact for other reasons. In time, the book becomes interesting irrespective of the cover. It’s one of the many reasons people connect on here. And why Meetup.com is suggested. Or a theater troupe, in northstarmom’s example. But... there will still be people like sadkat’s friend who require a physical “10” to be aroused, and that’s their call but it limits their options. The reality is, looks fade on both sides of the fence - what happens then? Is it smart to hold to your criteria, regardless of how realistic? Which is happier: loneliness or compromise? I love this! And agree wholeheartedly. Especially about relying too much on physical attraction because, let’s face it- looks do fade as we get older.
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Post by sadkat on Mar 12, 2019 9:29:06 GMT -5
Your question for today-
Where is the strangest place you have ever been?
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 12, 2019 9:37:26 GMT -5
Strangest place I’ve ever been was a”dumb supper,” a Halloween event with the international goth queen. “Dumb” means silent. Speaking during the dinner was supposed to mean that the spirits attending would make sure you’d die during the next year.
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 12, 2019 9:41:17 GMT -5
Sadkat said:”I didn’t ask her outright but I do believe she meant that she will not start a sexual relationship with someone she is not attracted to. And I think she is missing out.”
I wouldn’t start a sexual relationship with someone I wasn’t attracted to either. I would go on a date with such a person however. Perhaps after I got to know him platonically I would become attracted to him.
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 12, 2019 10:20:17 GMT -5
Being in a taxi, and getting dropped off 4 blocks away from the hotel we were staying at in downtown Kunming China. (pop. 6.6 million) I was with my 12 yr old son and my newly adopted 14 yr. old son. It was snowing, and my adopted son spoke a little bit of english. Customs in China are to give you directions weather they are correct or not! Fortunately, I had done some walking around the city the day before, on my own, and found our way back.
A strange place to be!
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Post by isthisit on Mar 12, 2019 10:44:18 GMT -5
Your question for today- Where is the strangest place you have ever been? I was once locked inside a hyperbaric chamber for 12 hours pumped down to 50 meters. I remembered to take drinks, food, books, music..... but overlooked my bladder. So I had the delight of being thirsty, dared not drink and had a lovely view of a ladies which I couldn't access without blowing a hole in the earth where the chamber was situated. The staff of course took much pleasure in running the tap through the mic.
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Post by sadkat on Mar 12, 2019 13:39:01 GMT -5
@thisisit- that does not sound like fun at all!!
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Post by sadkat on Mar 13, 2019 9:13:13 GMT -5
Your question for today- What small seemingly insignificant decision had a massive impact on your life?
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Post by jim44444 on Mar 13, 2019 10:14:19 GMT -5
Your question for today- What small seemingly insignificant decision had a massive impact on your life? Not to use a condom 50 years ago.
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Post by h on Mar 13, 2019 13:04:19 GMT -5
Your question for today- What small seemingly insignificant decision had a massive impact on your life? "Waiting until marriage"
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Post by Handy on Mar 13, 2019 22:14:29 GMT -5
When I was going to school, I moved 28 times. When I married I moved 3 times and have been in my current house for 45years.
I thought I would never meet a woman while I was in the military, but I did and got married.
I thought I would always live in the area where I grew up, I got married and moved 2,000 away to where she grew up.
I earned a minimum wage or close for many years but saved a little money each month. It went into a couple of mutual funds. It initially didn't amount to much but I never took out any of the dividends, I just had them reinvested. Fifty plus years later my piggy bank is worth something. I didn't hit any jack-pot mutual fund, it was the 50 years of reinvesting the dividends that paid off. After being the treasurer of an investment club, I don't endorse mutual funds but have switched to a S&P 500 ETF's like Vanguard's VOO fund, or several other S&P 500 ETF's.
Advice from an old timer: A long time ago, I lived paycheck to paycheck (continued to add just the minimum every now and then to my piggy bank mutual funds) until I decided it is a fools world to want so many things that are advertised as "making your life better." Do without some things and save some money for retirement or really serious emergencies.
What I screwed up, working too many hours, working too hard to the point of damaging my body and neglecting my marriage. I thought I was being responsible and doing the right things, that old American work ethic was drilled into me big time.
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Post by lessingham on Mar 14, 2019 6:24:49 GMT -5
Sleeping in one Sunday morning. An amiable professor tutored me for a term. We struck it off and he asked my opinions on his upcoming book. He suggested we meet in some nearby woods to look for samples .... A genuine offer and not a date! I slept in and told him so on Monday. He cooled rspidly and after the term, went back to his university. Turned out he was a world expert and the book was a gamechanger. I was that close to being on his team!!
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Post by sadkat on Mar 14, 2019 9:30:46 GMT -5
Question for today: Besides your home or work, where do you spend most of your time?
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