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Post by sadkat on Oct 27, 2018 10:51:35 GMT -5
GeekGoddess- I so agree with you! When you’re done, you’re done and you know it! It does bring a lot of clarity.
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Post by solodriver on Oct 27, 2018 11:47:32 GMT -5
"I don’t know how we know, but when it’s done, this thing happens inside our own thinking- and we are done. We’re finished trying, done justifying their poor treatment of us, sick of staying in a place that we are not valued. You know when you know"
That's exactly what happened to me. One day I just decided enough was enough. And now that I'm making plans, I feel totally different inside. I don't worry about what I have to do, I'm not sad about it, and I'm not worried about what will happen to her anymore. I just want to move on and have a wonderful future and that's all I think about.
I just don't feel bad about it anymore.
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Post by solodriver on Oct 27, 2018 14:25:43 GMT -5
Seems to be what happens when we wake up
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Post by workingonit on Oct 27, 2018 19:50:38 GMT -5
"I don’t know how we know, but when it’s done, this thing happens inside our own thinking- and we are done. We’re finished trying, done justifying their poor treatment of us, sick of staying in a place that we are not valued. You know when you know" That's exactly what happened to me. One day I just decided enough was enough. And now that I'm making plans, I feel totally different inside. I don't worry about what I have to do, I'm not sad about it, and I'm not worried about what will happen to her anymore. I just want to move on and have a wonderful future and that's all I think about. I just don't feel bad about it anymore. Yup, agree agree. 100% with you
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endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Oct 30, 2018 13:45:34 GMT -5
One week on.
I feel better, the fog clears a little, the shock subsides. Being around normal folk helps, work helps. She is hoovering, I am steadfast.
Many people have said this. "I stayed too long".
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 30, 2018 16:15:08 GMT -5
Clarity is huge! Congrats! And yes you are free!!
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Post by flashjohn on Oct 30, 2018 16:42:09 GMT -5
One week on. I feel better, the fog clears a little, the shock subsides. Being around normal folk helps, work helps. She is hoovering, I am steadfast. Many people have said this. "I stayed too long". I sometimes feel that I stayed too long, but then I see friends dealing with custody and child support, and I know that it was best for me to wait until my youngest was in college. Also, I know that my daughters were able to do a lot of things they would have missed if I had not been around. Things like HS dances, youth group campouts, and driver's licenses. My refuser was very controlling and abusive, and she would have not allowed the freedom to do any of those things.
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Post by workingonit on Oct 30, 2018 17:13:49 GMT -5
One week on. I feel better, the fog clears a little, the shock subsides. Being around normal folk helps, work helps. She is hoovering, I am steadfast. Many people have said this. "I stayed too long". I sometimes feel that I stayed too long, but then I see friends dealing with custody and child support, and I know that it was best for me to wait until my youngest was in college. Also, I know that my daughters were able to do a lot of things they would have missed if I had not been around. Things like HS dances, youth group campouts, and driver's licenses. My refuser was very controlling and abusive, and she would have not allowed the freedom to do any of those things.
That is a good and clear reason to sacrifice for your kids. Hindsight is 20-20 and you are out now so you can celebrate!
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endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Nov 6, 2018 17:20:01 GMT -5
2 weeks on. We just came back from counseling, she is in denial, I'm trying to find a way to open discussion about how we can split. It's like nailing jelly to the wall, watching paint dry and getting a response from a brick all at the same time. One thing I know for sure. I feel better. Another thing I know for sure, she has issues. Not mine to manage any more though. Yay.
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Post by shamwow on Nov 6, 2018 17:59:09 GMT -5
One week on. I feel better, the fog clears a little, the shock subsides. Being around normal folk helps, work helps. She is hoovering, I am steadfast. Many people have said this. "I stayed too long". I sometimes feel that I stayed too long, but then I see friends dealing with custody and child support, and I know that it was best for me to wait until my youngest was in college. Also, I know that my daughters were able to do a lot of things they would have missed if I had not been around. Things like HS dances, youth group campouts, and driver's licenses. My refuser was very controlling and abusive, and she would have not allowed the freedom to do any of those things.
As someone who left with the kids in their teens I somewhat disagree. Had I stayed there is no way I would have been permitted to make my own mark on the kids. Leaving was the only way to make this happen.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 6, 2018 19:36:07 GMT -5
endthegame said, "We just came back from counseling, she is in denial, I'm trying to find a way to open discussion about how we can split"
If you've consulted with a lawyer and know the steps to divorce, then say at the beginning of the next session: "I want to talk about the steps we need to take to divorce."
If you haven't consulted with a lawyer then you aren't ready to discuss it with your wife.
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Post by flashjohn on Nov 7, 2018 12:08:21 GMT -5
I sometimes feel that I stayed too long, but then I see friends dealing with custody and child support, and I know that it was best for me to wait until my youngest was in college. Also, I know that my daughters were able to do a lot of things they would have missed if I had not been around. Things like HS dances, youth group campouts, and driver's licenses. My refuser was very controlling and abusive, and she would have not allowed the freedom to do any of those things.
As someone who left with the kids in their teens I somewhat disagree. Had I stayed there is no way I would have been permitted to make my own mark on the kids. Leaving was the only way to make this happen. I understand that. My refuser was different. I am glad we are both out.
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Post by shamwow on Nov 7, 2018 14:53:03 GMT -5
As someone who left with the kids in their teens I somewhat disagree. Had I stayed there is no way I would have been permitted to make my own mark on the kids. Leaving was the only way to make this happen. I understand that. My refuser was different. I am glad we are both out. Hell yeah.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 17, 2019 20:54:22 GMT -5
Apparantly you have reached your threshold. I hope you have sorted out your ducks quickly.
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endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Jan 18, 2019 14:35:08 GMT -5
Three months on...
I get the keys to my new place in 3 weeks.
It's been hard, but one thing I know for sure, I feel better than three months ago. MUCH better.
Something I have recognised, I have felt a loss, something missing. It's anxiety, the albatross, the intractable problem. It's not her, the loss of the marriage, it's the absence of the angst of being in a SM.
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