gashino
New Member
Posts: 10
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by gashino on Sept 14, 2018 23:01:56 GMT -5
I am so glad I found this forum. I introduced my self a week or so ago and have been reading the posts on here and have to say this has been an eye opener. Like most of us here I have been in a Sexless marriage. I have 3 children 16 to 8 years old. I have though of leaving so many times but coming from a culture where women are to be seen and not heard and where women are taught to persevere through it all is difficulty. For as long as I can remember my H has always been emotionally and sexual distant. He also spends a lot of time away from the home , leaving for days , weekends and going out all night. Financially I have a good career, I actually take care of the household as he says his business does not leave enough after expenses. For a while I actually thought he was gay but last year before thanks giving I discovered he had been having an affair for about 3 years. I placed an i phone phone in recording mode in his car and was able to listen to several hours of recordings and track his location.Everything I have ever wanted him to say or do with me he was doing it with the other woman. For now though I cannot change anything because am in the middle of a time consuming post graduate program and need to focus on that. I have truly gained a better perspective from reading the posts in here. Thanks you for reading my post.
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Post by ironhamster on Sept 14, 2018 23:23:20 GMT -5
I am so glad I found this forum. I introduced my self a week or so ago and have been reading the posts on here and have to say this has been an eye opener. Like most of us here I have been in a Sexless marriage. I have 3 children 16 to 8 years old. I have though of leaving so many times but coming from a culture where women are to be seen and not heard and where women are taught to persevere through it all is difficulty. For as long as I can remember my H has always been emotionally and sexual distant. He also spends a lot of time away from the home , leaving for days , weekends and going out all night. Financially I have a good career, I actually take care of the household as he says his business does not leave enough after expenses. For a while I actually thought he was gay but last year before thanks giving I discovered he had been having an affair for about 3 years. I placed an i phone phone in recording mode in his car and was able to listen to several hours of recordings and track his location.Everything I have ever wanted him to say or do with me he was doing it with the other woman. For now though I cannot change anything because am in the middle of a time consuming post graduate program and need to focus on that. I have truly gained a better perspective from reading the posts in here. Thanks you for reading my post. gashino, welcome to the club nobody wants to be a member of. You are ahead of the curve, because you know what your husband's problem is, and, being in graduate school, I am hopeful you will have a prosperous career in your future. That is important as you prepare to end this facade. Hopefully, it will ease the pain knowing you can get out of this and have a better life. But, OMFG, I cannot imagine what a bitter pill it was to hear what you recorded.
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Post by time4intimacy on Sept 15, 2018 5:10:53 GMT -5
I am so glad I found this forum. I introduced my self a week or so ago and have been reading the posts on here and have to say this has been an eye opener. Like most of us here I have been in a Sexless marriage. I have 3 children 16 to 8 years old. I have though of leaving so many times but coming from a culture where women are to be seen and not heard and where women are taught to persevere through it all is difficulty. For as long as I can remember my H has always been emotionally and sexual distant. He also spends a lot of time away from the home , leaving for days , weekends and going out all night. Financially I have a good career, I actually take care of the household as he says his business does not leave enough after expenses. For a while I actually thought he was gay but last year before thanks giving I discovered he had been having an affair for about 3 years. I placed an i phone phone in recording mode in his car and was able to listen to several hours of recordings and track his location.Everything I have ever wanted him to say or do with me he was doing it with the other woman. For now though I cannot change anything because am in the middle of a time consuming post graduate program and need to focus on that. I have truly gained a better perspective from reading the posts in here. Thanks you for reading my post. This is a very difficult situation. Many on here deal with sexless marriages with spouses who are indifferent to sex, damaged goods or just ignore their spouse. For you, it appears you have a sexual husband, just not a husband who is sexual with you. I am so sorry for this situation, that has to hurt deep. My ex-wife cheated on me, several times, so I know how much that hurts. Good luck with your post graduate program and hopefully this forum can help.
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 15, 2018 6:05:44 GMT -5
gashinoKnowledge is power. Be thankful you know. Focus on yourself and complete your graduate studies. Also talk to an attorney to see how a divorce would shake out. Be glad he is away from the home a lot too. Have a plan.
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Post by flounder on Sept 15, 2018 6:10:41 GMT -5
Has it always been sexless since the beginning ? Has his interest just wained ? I’m sorry you had to find out of an affair. So heartbreaking to find out that way.
Do you want to save your marriage ? That should be the first question.
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Post by hopingforachange on Sept 15, 2018 10:36:16 GMT -5
Talk with a lawyer, depending on where you live, you might be in titled to alimony for education purposes.
Have you investigated your finances? He might be making much more then he leads you to believe.
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New here..
Sept 15, 2018 20:36:15 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by workingonit on Sept 15, 2018 20:36:15 GMT -5
Welcome. Sorry you have to be here. How are you managing? Does he know you know? I don't think I could live with that. How do you cope?
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gashino
New Member
Posts: 10
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by gashino on Sept 15, 2018 23:17:46 GMT -5
Welcome. Sorry you have to be here. How are you managing? Does he know you know? I don't think I could live with that. How do you cope? @workingonit, he knows I know, I actually went to to the house the other woman owns to retrieve my cell phone and the other woman had the police officer come .she had on idea what was going on. It’s hard to live with it but it’s better to know there was nothing wrong with him medical when it comes to not having sex with me. Since then am not trying to work on the marriage . Am straightening my finances and waiting on an IRS issue he needs to resolve due to his business tax problems.
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gashino
New Member
Posts: 10
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by gashino on Sept 15, 2018 23:30:13 GMT -5
I am so glad I found this forum. I introduced my self a week or so ago and have been reading the posts on here and have to say this has been an eye opener. Like most of us here I have been in a Sexless marriage. I have 3 children 16 to 8 years old. I have though of leaving so many times but coming from a culture where women are to be seen and not heard and where women are taught to persevere through it all is difficulty. For as long as I can remember my H has always been emotionally and sexual distant. He also spends a lot of time away from the home , leaving for days , weekends and going out all night. Financially I have a good career, I actually take care of the household as he says his business does not leave enough after expenses. For a while I actually thought he was gay but last year before thanks giving I discovered he had been having an affair for about 3 years. I placed an i phone phone in recording mode in his car and was able to listen to several hours of recordings and track his location.Everything I have ever wanted him to say or do with me he was doing it with the other woman. For now though I cannot change anything because am in the middle of a time consuming post graduate program and need to focus on that. I have truly gained a better perspective from reading the posts in here. Thanks you for reading my post. gashino, welcome to the club nobody wants to be a member of. You are ahead of the curve, because you know what your husband's problem is, and, being in graduate school, I am hopeful you will have a prosperous career in your future. That is important as you prepare to end this facade. Hopefully, it will ease the pain knowing you can get out of this and have a better life. But, OMFG, I cannot imagine what a bitter pill it was to hear what you recorded. Than you ironhamster, it sure was a bitter pill to swallow but knowing the truth had made me realize the SM issues were really not due to due to medical to psychological issues. I feel that the ball is in my court now.
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gashino
New Member
Posts: 10
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by gashino on Sept 16, 2018 11:50:04 GMT -5
Has it always been sexless since the beginning ? Has his interest just wained ? I’m sorry you had to find out of an affair. So heartbreaking to find out that way. Do you want to save your marriage ? That should be the first question. flounder, our marriage was sexless from the beginning now that I know 8-10 times a year is basically sexless. Got worse around 2012 to about once every 4-5 months. After I knew about the affair I must say am not interested anymore. About saving the marriage at this point I am not trying to.
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DrNo
Junior Member
Posts: 52
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by DrNo on Sept 17, 2018 3:55:01 GMT -5
I am pleased you have found your way to this forum. It is full of excellent, and indeed knowledgeable people. Opinions seem to be delivered with care and enthusiasm in one, while also being sensitive to a persons situation.
If I'm honest you sound like somebody that actually knows what the next few steps are, and that is something a lot of people do actually struggle to achieve, what to do and when.
Well done and keep being strong.
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New here..
Sept 17, 2018 4:14:46 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by flounder on Sept 17, 2018 4:14:46 GMT -5
Has it always been sexless since the beginning ? Has his interest just wained ? I’m sorry you had to find out of an affair. So heartbreaking to find out that way. Do you want to save your marriage ? That should be the first question. flounder, our marriage was sexless from the beginning now that I know 8-10 times a year is basically sexless. Got worse around 2012 to about once every 4-5 months. After I knew about the affair I must say am not interested anymore. About saving the marriage at this point I am not trying to. I’m sorry. Sounds like you have made your decision. Good luck moving forward.
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New here..
Sept 17, 2018 8:45:25 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by shamwow on Sept 17, 2018 8:45:25 GMT -5
Has it always been sexless since the beginning ? Has his interest just wained ? I’m sorry you had to find out of an affair. So heartbreaking to find out that way. Do you want to save your marriage ? That should be the first question. flounder, our marriage was sexless from the beginning now that I know 8-10 times a year is basically sexless. Got worse around 2012 to about once every 4-5 months. After I knew about the affair I must say am not interested anymore. About saving the marriage at this point I am not trying to. Then it sounds like a free consultation with several attorneys is in order. You need to find one that is a good fit and will pursue your goals.
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Post by baza on Sept 17, 2018 19:17:47 GMT -5
Running the scenario past a lawyer in your jurisdiction would be a good idea Sister gashino . You could develop an exit strategy from that information, and be ready to enact it at a time of your convenience.
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Post by michael on Sept 22, 2018 20:34:35 GMT -5
It sounds like you need to post in the “Choosing to Stay” forum. That’s where I relate more. Although I do read a lot from this forum.
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