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Post by bballgirl on Aug 16, 2018 15:41:05 GMT -5
Another view from oppositland. My first ' wedding anniversary' after the D is in a few weeks. Part of me would like to treat it as any other day, instead I want to help myself heal more and more. I asked my newfound lover, " pardon my boldness, I know we have just gotten started and who knows what can happen in a few weeks, but my anniversary is coming up, I would love to spend it with you!" She said " OOHH You want to put your mind on other things? I don't usually make those kind of plans that far in advance." I told her," I'll have the house all to myself and it's during the middle of the week. How about you pencil me in for now?" She said " I'll do that". To the brave and the bold, go the prize. Yes fortune favors the bold - one of my favorite proverbs!
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Post by shamwow on Aug 16, 2018 16:35:38 GMT -5
Friend, what are you doing to actively manage your anger? I know I have found my anger fuels my empowerment, is part of my growth, and helps me find the energy to continue on my forward trajectory. But the anger makes me bitter and cynical and .... angry. Not happy. Not really alive. Just a bitter shell. In some ways allowing the anger to consume me gives him even more power over me. It is STILL all about him! True moving forward means I feel a whole range of emotions toward him. But I also feel that whatever I am feeling about him is not my core anymore. I humbly suggest that your consuming anger is not healthy for you. It also continues to give her the power as the deciding factor in who you are. Take back that power. Get out of this dead relationship. Decide who you are and how you want to be. Bitter and angry may not actually suit you. My sense is that it does not based on things you have shared. Sending positive thoughts in your direction! I'm currently in therapy, having started a few weeks back. Given that I'm still very early in the process, we haven't made much progress in managing my occasional outbursts of rage, which is my major issue. But the introspection is good and I feel like I've learned some things about myself. I'm also about to GTFO of my marriage. I'm moving out to a new place as part of the pre-divorce separation required in my state. I hate how it is affecting my young children, but I'm also excited and hopeful and happier than I've been in years. My therapist believes that the separation will go a long way toward reducing the seething anger and resentment I feel everyday. You'll be amazed at how effective zip code therapy can be.
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Post by richfairy72 on Aug 16, 2018 17:26:02 GMT -5
It just became another day in the end....and I don't really remember ever having sex on our anniversary. The year I realised the marriage had died was when he CHOSE to spend the evening with another woman.
This year, I've just had my second wedding anniversary post separation. I didn't even register what day it was until at least lunchtime, then just thought 'oh', and carried on with my day.....shows what an improvement a year can make, last year I cried.....
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Post by twotimesone on Aug 18, 2018 0:44:20 GMT -5
You know, I complain to my W why can't let someone babysit the kids for a few hours and we go out. My W doesn't care so I forget about anniversaries too.
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Post by flounder on Aug 18, 2018 8:47:40 GMT -5
My last anniversary, I bought her flowers and her favorite chocolate, and took her out for a nice dinner. The result was that I got snubbed. Absolutely nothing. I retreated to my room and talked on the phone with the woman that became my affair partner. Same. Minus the phone conversation with the affair partner.
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