I emailed a few therapists in the area to move forward. We both agreed to seek therapy, and I at least intend to do so. I need to work on my resentment, quickness to anger, and my reactions to refusals (fueled by the first two). I need to own all that and see if it truly makes a difference. I think I'm terrified that it won't, but I need to figure that out and move forward. Life feels stuck in a rut right now and it's not a great place to be.
You've not struck me as an "angry" type Brother ihadalove , but maybe a therapist experienced in anger management is worth considering if that really is an issue ?
Other than that, a therapist who is supportive - but who will call you out on any bullshit you try and pass off - is good. Someone who will challenge your thinking (without trying to do your thinking for you) is good too. There has to be some mutual respect between you and the therapist also. It can be tricky to find the 'right' one, so remember it is you who is paying the bill and you might have to 'interview' several before you find that 'right' one.
This individual therapy you are contemplating...I'm just not seeing any downside to it. It is potentially helpful in all sorts of aspects to your life, not just the marriage.
Sidebar - when I was typing above there, the auto-correct (when I typed "therapist) suggested "the rapist". Ooh boy. I hope that wasn't a bad omen !!!
I think by anger I'm talking about how quick I am to react badly to things, and perceive things as negative. I can get animated and loud. Maybe reactive outburst management is a better way to put it. I'm not a violent person so it definitely isn't in that ballpark.
A supportive rapist... definitely a different therapy choice!
choosinghappy: Hope you had a great birthday h!
Sept 1, 2018 21:19:34 GMT -5
mrrobot: Hi guys, I don't know if this community is still active - if so, I posted a thread at the forum if anyone could give me some light I'd be really thankful! Cheers
Sept 2, 2018 7:48:17 GMT -5
georgia: Hi...I’ve just joined the group. And I simply need a place to vent and hopefully receive some help dealing with my utterly sexless marriage. After 15 years of marriage our sex life has dwindled to nada, zero, nothing.
Sept 3, 2018 14:48:18 GMT -5
kh: why even marry someone with a high libido if you hate sex
Sept 4, 2018 4:28:42 GMT -5
javba: kh - fast forward 2 kids and 20 years later I have not resolved the problem you're looking at. Now I have cracked 51 yrs, have lesser chances of finding someone, not as market-able. You may want to reconsider "child is 8 mon old" with a 50% divorce rate
Sept 4, 2018 10:07:57 GMT -5
DryCreek: mrrobot, georgia, kh - welcome! I see a couple of you have posted your stories in the forum. I think not a lot of folks use this chat because you can only see it on laptops, not on phones. georgia, please do post your story and vent here. We get it.
Sept 6, 2018 10:29:43 GMT -5