I emailed a few therapists in the area to move forward. We both agreed to seek therapy, and I at least intend to do so. I need to work on my resentment, quickness to anger, and my reactions to refusals (fueled by the first two). I need to own all that and see if it truly makes a difference. I think I'm terrified that it won't, but I need to figure that out and move forward. Life feels stuck in a rut right now and it's not a great place to be.
You've not struck me as an "angry" type Brother ihadalove , but maybe a therapist experienced in anger management is worth considering if that really is an issue ?
Other than that, a therapist who is supportive - but who will call you out on any bullshit you try and pass off - is good. Someone who will challenge your thinking (without trying to do your thinking for you) is good too. There has to be some mutual respect between you and the therapist also. It can be tricky to find the 'right' one, so remember it is you who is paying the bill and you might have to 'interview' several before you find that 'right' one.
This individual therapy you are contemplating...I'm just not seeing any downside to it. It is potentially helpful in all sorts of aspects to your life, not just the marriage.
Sidebar - when I was typing above there, the auto-correct (when I typed "therapist) suggested "the rapist". Ooh boy. I hope that wasn't a bad omen !!!
I think by anger I'm talking about how quick I am to react badly to things, and perceive things as negative. I can get animated and loud. Maybe reactive outburst management is a better way to put it. I'm not a violent person so it definitely isn't in that ballpark.
A supportive rapist... definitely a different therapy choice!
misssunnybunny: I'm also very sad to see that andie is gone
Oct 22, 2018 16:25:07 GMT -5
jim44444: hmisssunnybunny not only did andie delete her existence here she also deleted her tumblr account. Maybe her hubby found her online postings.
Oct 22, 2018 19:52:59 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Oh, no! Hope she is okay...
Oct 22, 2018 20:00:25 GMT -5
solodriver: I'm sad andie is gone too. She reached out to me when I first joined the group at a time when I was really sick, and talked to me everyday until I was well again and shared a lot of her stories with me.
Oct 22, 2018 20:58:28 GMT -5
isthisit: Apologies for being a techno numpty- can anyone help me to send a PM? When I choose the member as a recipient the error message indicating a staff member is required. Eh?
Nov 6, 2018 15:03:40 GMT -5
solodriver: isthisit you cannot send PMs until your membership changes to member
Nov 6, 2018 21:41:58 GMT -5
isthisit: Thanks solodriver and shynjdude for your replies. Is there some info somewhere about these divisions? I have had a mooch around and haven't come across it yet.
Nov 8, 2018 10:22:28 GMT -5
solodriver: I think it is/was under the Welcome tab, but not sure where.
Nov 8, 2018 21:52:19 GMT -5