I emailed a few therapists in the area to move forward. We both agreed to seek therapy, and I at least intend to do so. I need to work on my resentment, quickness to anger, and my reactions to refusals (fueled by the first two). I need to own all that and see if it truly makes a difference. I think I'm terrified that it won't, but I need to figure that out and move forward. Life feels stuck in a rut right now and it's not a great place to be.
You've not struck me as an "angry" type Brother ihadalove , but maybe a therapist experienced in anger management is worth considering if that really is an issue ?
Other than that, a therapist who is supportive - but who will call you out on any bullshit you try and pass off - is good. Someone who will challenge your thinking (without trying to do your thinking for you) is good too. There has to be some mutual respect between you and the therapist also. It can be tricky to find the 'right' one, so remember it is you who is paying the bill and you might have to 'interview' several before you find that 'right' one.
This individual therapy you are contemplating...I'm just not seeing any downside to it. It is potentially helpful in all sorts of aspects to your life, not just the marriage.
Sidebar - when I was typing above there, the auto-correct (when I typed "therapist) suggested "the rapist". Ooh boy. I hope that wasn't a bad omen !!!
I think by anger I'm talking about how quick I am to react badly to things, and perceive things as negative. I can get animated and loud. Maybe reactive outburst management is a better way to put it. I'm not a violent person so it definitely isn't in that ballpark.
A supportive rapist... definitely a different therapy choice!
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5
worksforme2: You know who I miss ...I miss smartkat and andie..and snowman 12345
Nov 14, 2019 9:16:44 GMT -5