I just have to get this out there
Aug 6, 2018 19:08:29 GMT -5
Dan, GeekGoddess, and 16 more like this
Post by warmways on Aug 6, 2018 19:08:29 GMT -5
… while I can still think clearly enough and remember.
So, Thursday I went to my doc for a pt referral. I was feeling sort of under the wea5er not knowing if I was sick enough to stay home (nausea,headache, brain fog (or, more than usual) (lol), a constant medium grade headache and slight sore throat. When I checked with her she said I was fine to go in to work-I didn’t have a headache so I worked my 2p-10p shift barely making it throughas symptoms would abate and steadily increase. I was getting more nauseous, more brain fog (or unfocused), irritability, sore throat and throbbing pain above my right eye and sharp stabbing pain left side back of skull. At 9:30 pm, close to leaving work, I popped 3 Advil and then took 3 additional at 11:30 p when I was about to go to sleep completely forgetting I’d already taken the 3 earlier. I was in severe pain and was going to do anything to stop it. I’d never had a migraine but with pain so blinding it was hard to type I found that’s what was happening.
My h is useless in emergencies. He doesn’t know how to help. I collapsed on my bed and the next 72 hours were pure hell. I drank water, listened to meditations on Insight Timer and tried not to succumb to thoughts of drowning or taking my life.
At at one point I’d gone downstairs for a bag of frozen peas and more ice water (no A/C and hot here as it is in the states all over the world it seems)
anyway…
my h began needling me with questions. I don’t even remember what he was asking me because I was in the middle of the migraine. I was trying with everything I had to not fight. I know how to act to keep it calm. I felt like I was dying. I really did and I knew that one extra word I had to say that was unnecessary could be he difference between my getting better or prolonging the torture. I know it’s not realistic but I felt so tapped out and his questions and my trying to keep the calm made me feel like I was going to lose it.
When he he kept asking me these stupid inane questions about what I was going through, I just lost it and said: (and this is not like me because I’ve habituated myself to just keep things calm).
“Would you please just stop making me feel anxious for one day of my life?!!!!?
i was so pissed.
I was beyond angry because I’ve always been there for him through everything and when I’m sick he’s useless.
He did did buy me a few groceries that I asked for and stayed out of my way (especially after what I said above lol).
I bring all this this up because I’m finally waking up. It took a migraine but I found out the reason I couldn’t cry or feel emotions beyond just a little bit is because I’m burned out and I think
The greatest gift lately has been the ability to cry and feel emotions again. And I also feel a lot more self respect because I truly care more about myself and don’t feel compelled to focus on him and his needs as much.
I did acupuncture this morning to help with unlocking the points that cause pain and it’s helping to let the energy out.
Every time i me I think about how bad things are with us or when I’m almost home from work I get a sharp pain under my left ear or this piercing pain behind my head. That is where the acupuncturist placed the needle (as well as other and she explained that the reason I felt so much pain there was because there was a lot of energy that needed to be released.
If if you’ve made it this far: thank you very much for reading. Maybe somebody else is kind of going through something similar. If you’re in the trenches and feel like you’re in a holding pattern and people keep pushing you around to leaveor trying to change youHang in. Don’t hate yourself because it only slows down the process.
This is an awesome forum — thanx for being here.
So, Thursday I went to my doc for a pt referral. I was feeling sort of under the wea5er not knowing if I was sick enough to stay home (nausea,headache, brain fog (or, more than usual) (lol), a constant medium grade headache and slight sore throat. When I checked with her she said I was fine to go in to work-I didn’t have a headache so I worked my 2p-10p shift barely making it throughas symptoms would abate and steadily increase. I was getting more nauseous, more brain fog (or unfocused), irritability, sore throat and throbbing pain above my right eye and sharp stabbing pain left side back of skull. At 9:30 pm, close to leaving work, I popped 3 Advil and then took 3 additional at 11:30 p when I was about to go to sleep completely forgetting I’d already taken the 3 earlier. I was in severe pain and was going to do anything to stop it. I’d never had a migraine but with pain so blinding it was hard to type I found that’s what was happening.
My h is useless in emergencies. He doesn’t know how to help. I collapsed on my bed and the next 72 hours were pure hell. I drank water, listened to meditations on Insight Timer and tried not to succumb to thoughts of drowning or taking my life.
At at one point I’d gone downstairs for a bag of frozen peas and more ice water (no A/C and hot here as it is in the states all over the world it seems)
anyway…
my h began needling me with questions. I don’t even remember what he was asking me because I was in the middle of the migraine. I was trying with everything I had to not fight. I know how to act to keep it calm. I felt like I was dying. I really did and I knew that one extra word I had to say that was unnecessary could be he difference between my getting better or prolonging the torture. I know it’s not realistic but I felt so tapped out and his questions and my trying to keep the calm made me feel like I was going to lose it.
When he he kept asking me these stupid inane questions about what I was going through, I just lost it and said: (and this is not like me because I’ve habituated myself to just keep things calm).
“Would you please just stop making me feel anxious for one day of my life?!!!!?
i was so pissed.
I was beyond angry because I’ve always been there for him through everything and when I’m sick he’s useless.
He did did buy me a few groceries that I asked for and stayed out of my way (especially after what I said above lol).
I bring all this this up because I’m finally waking up. It took a migraine but I found out the reason I couldn’t cry or feel emotions beyond just a little bit is because I’m burned out and I think
The greatest gift lately has been the ability to cry and feel emotions again. And I also feel a lot more self respect because I truly care more about myself and don’t feel compelled to focus on him and his needs as much.
I did acupuncture this morning to help with unlocking the points that cause pain and it’s helping to let the energy out.
Every time i me I think about how bad things are with us or when I’m almost home from work I get a sharp pain under my left ear or this piercing pain behind my head. That is where the acupuncturist placed the needle (as well as other and she explained that the reason I felt so much pain there was because there was a lot of energy that needed to be released.
If if you’ve made it this far: thank you very much for reading. Maybe somebody else is kind of going through something similar. If you’re in the trenches and feel like you’re in a holding pattern and people keep pushing you around to leaveor trying to change youHang in. Don’t hate yourself because it only slows down the process.
This is an awesome forum — thanx for being here.