Post by JMX on Apr 29, 2018 21:24:03 GMT -5
I don’t post a lot here anymore. Work is busy. Kids are everywhere and all at once.
Financially - I am good. I had the best year I have ever had last year and although it will probably not get to that level this year, it will still be the second best year I have ever had. I am basically debt free except for the house - and I could sell it tomorrow and make a pretty penny.
My kids are happy, healthy and cool little human beings. I am more than blessed by them. They fascinate me and basically, raising them is a breeze (with the help of my mom who picks up my slack because I don’t get home in time to pick them up from school).
I have had vacations with friends, relaxing and soul-filling.
I still go to individual therapy every month - just to check in. Honestly, there’s not much she can help me sort that I haven’t already worked out. I am not saying I am healthy - I just know what needs to be done to make me feel that way. I do have an ADHD test out that I am curious on the results, but besides my anxiety around what I am doing, what I could or should be doing and what I am not doing, I don’t think it helps me much - just another cog in the wheel of things I need to work on for me. Answers will help! baza - please thank Enna for the recent article
One of my best friends has cervical cancer. It’s a rare form and she was already a hypochondriac, so even though the prognosis is excellent (hysterectomy made her cancer-free and she is doing chemo for her future) it’s exhausting to handle her emotions sometimes because she has always erred on the side of negativity. I am silver lining chick. She doesn’t want that at all and wants me to wallow with her sometimes, and I am not good at it.
I am incredibly vain and hard on myself physically. It is equal parts valid and part of the SM mind-fuck. I started CrossFit. I kind of love it and think it may be a good environment with benefits. When people ask why I am doing x,y, z - my answer is not ever “I care about my health.” I am honest. I want to look better.
My sex drive has vanished for my husband. No more late nights not being able to handle it anymore if I don’t get laid and jumping him. Not saying I would turn it down (Brookstone neck massager does not go INSIDE) but I am not interested in the slightest.
There are some nights I wish he were in another room or even dead because he snores so loudly. If I miss my window falling asleep first, the thoughts I have about killing him would turn you cold.
We talk more now. He voices opinions and has let me into what he is actually thinking. This may be why I feel the way I do. Mistake for him.
I have concluded - if I am ever granted the gift of a new relationship - I will weed out the “gift” love language full stop. It’s sincerely the worst.
There is not a gift on any occasion that I can “gift” and be good enough to elicit an enthusiastic response. Christmas this year - he asked for a coat. I got him a smart, fashionable coat that busted me $300 - it was Barbour and because it was from the UK, he thought it was a girls coat because it zipped on the opposite side of U.S. coats. It took compliments at work for him to like it. I give.
I got him a gun safe for his birthday. He picked it out and told the oldest daughter what he wanted so we could get the right one. He likes to shop - and he incessantly checks every website and reads all the descriptions to find the best deal for what he wants - I will never do this. I wait for him to tell me what he wants and I get it for him. This bothers him. I lead you back to paragraph about his cool coat.
This part is important. He got me a CAR for my birthday. He thought about what I wanted and needed and took care of it. I love my new car. What I have told him, time and again, is that it is not that he bought me a new car - it was that he took the decision process out of my mind that made it a good gift. He won’t tell me the payment. It comes to him. He takes care of it. He thought about what I might like - got it, didn’t involve me in another payment to juggle and had a bow on it when he brought it home. He likes to give gifts too! For me, it wasn’t the CAR, it was that he took care of it.
I am starting to feel like the car was a pre-cursor for what HE wanted. He is been dropping hints that he wants a four-wheeler for hunting. One with a side car so he can take his “family” up the mountain on hunting trips - 2 of 4 of us are not remotely interested in hunting trips. One other *may* but it is not really her jam either.
How much for the four wheeler for Father’s Day? Oh! Just $16,000.
“But I got you a new car.”
So, I see where THIS is going. Apparently, he did me a solid and I need to return. I told him it would not happen. We have a little more debt to pay down before we resolve family debt.
One week later - my separate account came into question.
“I have seen what WE made last year, and I am not sure why we cannot afford things I want too,” he said. “I know I am probably being a dick - but where did all the money go?”
So I rattled off a list -
“Things you would not participate in - tax debt, all orthodontia for both girls. Every time they needed money for school clubs, groups, lunches, extra-curricular, camps. That was all me. Our mortgage, all of our bills except the cable - thank you for taking care of that! The lawn company, the guy who does our pool. Your vacation to Utah. My vacation with my friends. I buy most of the groceries. I took care of our past doe debt too.”
H: “well, I would like to be more involved. I told you we should have a joint account.”
Me: “I told you that too,but you would not sit down with me to work it out. You left me alone dealing with our debt and happily sat back while I took care of everything. If you want a part of it, you only need take an active role.”
Gift language is the worst of the five. Beware. I recently marathoned “The Crown”. I got this feeling that my husband is Price Philip. He has a sense of entitlement.
I call him Lord Mountbatten now.
Carry on!
Financially - I am good. I had the best year I have ever had last year and although it will probably not get to that level this year, it will still be the second best year I have ever had. I am basically debt free except for the house - and I could sell it tomorrow and make a pretty penny.
My kids are happy, healthy and cool little human beings. I am more than blessed by them. They fascinate me and basically, raising them is a breeze (with the help of my mom who picks up my slack because I don’t get home in time to pick them up from school).
I have had vacations with friends, relaxing and soul-filling.
I still go to individual therapy every month - just to check in. Honestly, there’s not much she can help me sort that I haven’t already worked out. I am not saying I am healthy - I just know what needs to be done to make me feel that way. I do have an ADHD test out that I am curious on the results, but besides my anxiety around what I am doing, what I could or should be doing and what I am not doing, I don’t think it helps me much - just another cog in the wheel of things I need to work on for me. Answers will help! baza - please thank Enna for the recent article
One of my best friends has cervical cancer. It’s a rare form and she was already a hypochondriac, so even though the prognosis is excellent (hysterectomy made her cancer-free and she is doing chemo for her future) it’s exhausting to handle her emotions sometimes because she has always erred on the side of negativity. I am silver lining chick. She doesn’t want that at all and wants me to wallow with her sometimes, and I am not good at it.
I am incredibly vain and hard on myself physically. It is equal parts valid and part of the SM mind-fuck. I started CrossFit. I kind of love it and think it may be a good environment with benefits. When people ask why I am doing x,y, z - my answer is not ever “I care about my health.” I am honest. I want to look better.
My sex drive has vanished for my husband. No more late nights not being able to handle it anymore if I don’t get laid and jumping him. Not saying I would turn it down (Brookstone neck massager does not go INSIDE) but I am not interested in the slightest.
There are some nights I wish he were in another room or even dead because he snores so loudly. If I miss my window falling asleep first, the thoughts I have about killing him would turn you cold.
We talk more now. He voices opinions and has let me into what he is actually thinking. This may be why I feel the way I do. Mistake for him.
I have concluded - if I am ever granted the gift of a new relationship - I will weed out the “gift” love language full stop. It’s sincerely the worst.
There is not a gift on any occasion that I can “gift” and be good enough to elicit an enthusiastic response. Christmas this year - he asked for a coat. I got him a smart, fashionable coat that busted me $300 - it was Barbour and because it was from the UK, he thought it was a girls coat because it zipped on the opposite side of U.S. coats. It took compliments at work for him to like it. I give.
I got him a gun safe for his birthday. He picked it out and told the oldest daughter what he wanted so we could get the right one. He likes to shop - and he incessantly checks every website and reads all the descriptions to find the best deal for what he wants - I will never do this. I wait for him to tell me what he wants and I get it for him. This bothers him. I lead you back to paragraph about his cool coat.
This part is important. He got me a CAR for my birthday. He thought about what I wanted and needed and took care of it. I love my new car. What I have told him, time and again, is that it is not that he bought me a new car - it was that he took the decision process out of my mind that made it a good gift. He won’t tell me the payment. It comes to him. He takes care of it. He thought about what I might like - got it, didn’t involve me in another payment to juggle and had a bow on it when he brought it home. He likes to give gifts too! For me, it wasn’t the CAR, it was that he took care of it.
I am starting to feel like the car was a pre-cursor for what HE wanted. He is been dropping hints that he wants a four-wheeler for hunting. One with a side car so he can take his “family” up the mountain on hunting trips - 2 of 4 of us are not remotely interested in hunting trips. One other *may* but it is not really her jam either.
How much for the four wheeler for Father’s Day? Oh! Just $16,000.
“But I got you a new car.”
So, I see where THIS is going. Apparently, he did me a solid and I need to return. I told him it would not happen. We have a little more debt to pay down before we resolve family debt.
One week later - my separate account came into question.
“I have seen what WE made last year, and I am not sure why we cannot afford things I want too,” he said. “I know I am probably being a dick - but where did all the money go?”
So I rattled off a list -
“Things you would not participate in - tax debt, all orthodontia for both girls. Every time they needed money for school clubs, groups, lunches, extra-curricular, camps. That was all me. Our mortgage, all of our bills except the cable - thank you for taking care of that! The lawn company, the guy who does our pool. Your vacation to Utah. My vacation with my friends. I buy most of the groceries. I took care of our past doe debt too.”
H: “well, I would like to be more involved. I told you we should have a joint account.”
Me: “I told you that too,but you would not sit down with me to work it out. You left me alone dealing with our debt and happily sat back while I took care of everything. If you want a part of it, you only need take an active role.”
Gift language is the worst of the five. Beware. I recently marathoned “The Crown”. I got this feeling that my husband is Price Philip. He has a sense of entitlement.
I call him Lord Mountbatten now.
Carry on!